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  • Birthday 08/29/1950

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  1. Dating Ads for Seniors

    Dating Ads for Seniors, found in a Florida Newspaper 'The Villages' Dating Ads You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper. Who says seniors don't have a sense of humour. FOXY LADY Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus ------------------------------ ---------------------- LONG-TERM COMMITMENT Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem. ------------------------------ ---------------------- SERENITY NOW I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. ------------------------------ ---------------------- BEATLES OR STONES I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. ------------------------------ ---------------------- MEMORIES I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. ------------------------------ ---------------------- MINT CONDITION Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well. AND FINALLY A lady in the Villages in Florida (a senior retirement community), was sitting on a bench, near another bench with a gentleman sitting on the bench. She asked him if he was new to the community and he said "no, I have owned a condo here for 20 years". She then said "I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!". He then said "I have been in prison for the last 17 years!". She was stunned and finally asked him what he had done. He said that he had murdered his first wife! She was stunned again and after a long pause she said. So you're SINGLE??? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------- Do not regret growing old, it is a privilege denied to many.
  2. PLDT Fibr vs SkyCable Fibr

    Davao PLDT - Unlimited Downloads - 50MBPS - Ps 2900 monthly - generally good - latency issues from time to time - phone line required http://www.speedtest.net/my-result/6585258495
  3. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ------------ --------- --- ------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer. ------------ -- ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes ------------ ------ --- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? A. One thousand ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? A. All were invented by women. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ Q. Which day of the year, are more collect calls made than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --- In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' . . . It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramiccups. When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice. ------------ --------- --------- ------ --- --------- --------- --------- ------ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2016 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries... 7. Every commercial on television has a Web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it ! 10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. . 12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list . ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ NOW you're LAUGHING at yourself! Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused!" (Unknown Author)
  4. Dr Geezer


    Subject: WHY TEACHERS DRINK The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q Name the four seasons A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q How is dew formed A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q In a democratic society, how important are elections A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you age A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A.. Premature death Q What is artificial insemination A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q How can you delay milk turning sour A.. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen) A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U Q What is the fibula? A.. A small lie Q What does 'varicose' mean? A.. Nearby Q What is the most common form of birth control A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work) Q Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q What is a seizure? A.. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q What does the word 'benign' mean? A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant) AND THE BEST IS LAST::: Q What is a turbine? A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we’re getting somewhere) OMG!...... Our society is doomed!
  6. Walking

    The Importance of walking Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month. ------------------------------ ------------------ My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is. ------------------------------ ----------- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ------------------------------ ------------- The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. ------------------------------ -------------------------- I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing... ------------------------------ ------------ Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ------------------------------ ------ I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. ------------------------------ -------------- The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll look at you there in the coffin and say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.' ------------------------------ ------ If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. ------------------------------ ------------ I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......just getting over the hill. ------------------------------ --------------- We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. AND Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine. You could run this over to your friends But just e-mail it to them! It will save you the walk!
  7. PhilHealth rate increase for foreigners

    We asked this question in Davao and were told that top up payments would be required in terms of advance payments after implementation of the new rates - will look into it again this week but as stated earlier by Dave we are unsure it will actually be implemented as yet
  8. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work.I get an allowance every month I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
  9. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine . A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large. Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  10. The Clown

    The Clown VID-20161026-WA00131.mp4
  11. To Space and Back

    To Space and Back IMG_1885.mp4
  12. I am considering driving from Manila to Davao - I have located a few online links with blogs of the trip but none have very comprehensibly covered the details. Has anyone experience of this trip they would care to share and or could direct to links which cover the experience , the options and the expenses along with recommended routes , places to view and to stop over.
  13. Here it is again hopefully clearer - its taking 24 keystrokes on numbers , letters etc to get an acceptable pw
  14. Hi Jessie, I think you need to work on your registration PW page - no matter what eclectic variance I enter its not being accepted
  15. Lunch

    A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.” The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.” The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?” The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I am voting for Trump." The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH” And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!