Problems With Filipinas

[donottrustfilipinas]

By my member handle you already know I do NOT trust Filipinas that come from the Philippines (as opposed to those born in Western countries).  Read on and you won't believe what I've been through.  This will be long so no complaints about the length!

 

THE CRAZY FILIPINA

 

First, I found what I thought was a wonderful Filipina back before the days of internet dating (in the late '90s when there were just a few sites out there like Match and Cherry Blossoms was a magazine and you bought addresses for $5 each for a Filipina).  As my work took me to the Philippines, I ended up meeting her there and, to make a long story short, I decided within two months to get married to her and came back to the U.S. and filed for a K1 Fiancee visa.  

 

This was mistake #1 on my part:  Agreeing to marry someone I didn't know hardly at all.   But we were both "supposedly" in love with each other but only later I came to find out I was being used.  

 

After she arrived in the States, her loving demeanor changed and she started complaining that she was sure that her boss at her job here in the States was listening in on our conversations at home with secret microphones and that they were monitoring her internet.  This got worse as time went on (we were married for seven years -- mainly because we had a child early on and I felt it best to keep the family together and tried to get professional help for her).   

 

At one point, I found out that the real reason she married me was that she had been involved with a married Filipino and that her office mates had found out and she was plugged as the office adulteress.  She later claimed she didn't know he was married.  Okay, perhaps somehow possible as many Filipinos have to move to other cities for jobs.  

 

But her craziness got worse and worse and finally, at one point, we separated and, mind you, our child went with me and I have been the sole one raising her all these years.  To this day she spend very little time with her and I have to make it supervised visits since she's still mentally not all there -- she's able to hold a job, have friends, and so on but she called up today, out of the blue, to ask me if I ever had tried to poison her while we were married since she's having so many medical problems these days! 

 

Ok, that was Filipina number one.  Can you believe Filipina number two?

 

I swore off Filipinas for awhile after separating/divorcing from my ex.  But time passed and I got intrigued by these dating sites like FilipinoCupid and so on.  Decided maybe I was wrong for writing off a whole race of good women based on the experiences of one.  

 

 

LED TO THE ALTAR BUT DIDN'T GET MARRIED

 

The second Filipina was very intriguing -- she had already earned two Masters degrees and seemed amenable to the prospect of being a stepmother.  We emailed/chatted for about eight months before I finally made the trip to the Philippines to meet with her over two weeks.  And it was a great two weeks.  Met her family, friends, and we all got along great.  She was loving, kind, and so on.  Came back from that trip and spent ANOTHER YEAR emailing/chatting, sending packages (chocolates and the like but not expensive stuff -- I was not going to be one of those mooched off by a Filipina by sending cash or Ipads!).  

 

After that year went by, I decided she was special enough and I loved her enough to ask her to marry me.  So this time I flew back there with my daughter and mother with me so that they could meet her and give me their thoughts.  My mother thought she was wonderful as did my daughter.  I proposed to her in a special way as I knew her answer already (through family) would be yes. I arranged for a 25' foot long banner to be made that had a pink background with white letters that read, "Amy, Will You Marry Me? John".  I gave that to her older brother with instructions to lay it out the next Saturday morning on top of a mountain near her home in Bohol.  We were sightseeing in Cebu that Saturday when I surprised her and told her that she and I needed to go out somewhere, just us, for a bit.  Turned out to be the airport where I had arranged for a private flight in a single engine plane.  Told her we were going on a private sightseeing tour above Cebu but after we took off, the pilot took us up and over the Chocolate Hills of Bohol and, after some doing and worrying about running out of fuel, found the mountain top with the banner on it and I proposed and she accepted. Her family was atop the mountain and waving to us.  We flew back to the airport where family and friends met us and we celebrated at a restaurant nearby.

I returned from this trip and announced to friends back home that I was engaged and that we planned to be married the following year on the anniversary of the date I proposed.  I wanted that time for us both to be sure as I knew that I hadn't actually spent that much physical time with her as opposed to time online and that time, a year, wouldn't be that long.  She agreed.  We planned the wedding and it was to be there in the Philippines as I felt that since it was her first wedding and my second, it was more important that she have her family and friends there as my family is few in number and none of them would be able to be here in the States if we had it here. 

 

About a month before my mother, daughter, and myself were to fly out there for the wedding, she suddenly became very quiet and wasn't speaking to me.  I thought she was getting cold feet and had difficulty getting her on the phone or online.  At one point, her best friend, who was to be her Maid of Honor, backed out and when I got her on the phone, she wouldn't explain why she was backing out.  When I finally got Amy on the phone, she simply said, "I never really loved you -- you were just the American guy that everyone in my family wanted me to marry.  I don't want to get married." This was three days before we were to fly there.  So, basically, I was left at the altar.  

 

Some months later, I found out (through a cousin) that what had happened was that she had secretly having an affair with a Filipino guy while engaged to me.  She became pregnant and when she found that out, she realized she couldn't get married to me.  The Filipino guy at least was smarter than me and ended up refusing to marry her, so as far as I know, she's a single unwed mother.  

 

So, you would think I would learn my lesson after Filipino number two?  Yes, you would think so!  Some years went by and, on a non-Filipina dating website (think Match) I met a Filipina that AGAIN seemed different.  Again I had sworn off Filipinas but this one was working professionally for the Fairmont Hotel in Singapore in their Marketing Department.  She had a young daughter as well and we seemed to hit it off as we had some things in common.  The difference was that she could get a travel visa to the States and could visit here rather than me flying over there.  However, the problem was cash.  Her sister in LA was willing to pony up one-third the cost but would I pony up the rest?  Against my better judgement, I did.  Both her sister and I paid for the tickets for her and her daughter on the phone at the same time so I know it went for that and they flew over about a month later.  

 

We had a great time getting to know each other and I thought things were fine and she and I began to actually talk about the crazy idea  that she leave the job in Singapore and that we would try six months of living together as we (I thought) really wanted to spend more time together.   As I have a pretty good job, I could afford that and we even enrolled her daughter in school here.  She felt she could go back to Fairmont Hotel later on without much trouble (she was a model employee).   I really believed her and all that she told me.  However, after a month of being here (and having traveled to a few places for sightseeing) she suddenly turned on me one day and demanded that she and her daughter would be leaving and going to Manila (not Singapore) as she arranged to take a job with Fairmont there.  

 

I have now since concluded that I was taken in by the type of Filipina that preys upon westerners for trips abroad.  She knew her sister would pay part of it and she got me hooked to pay the other two-thirds.  Not to mention our traveling within the U.S. She had lied about staying her longer only to make me happy at the time but once her transfer for Manila was up (she had never really left the company, she had arranged for the transfer in advance), she had to leave and the only way to was get angry and say she was done with me and then leave in a huff.  Well, good riddance.  I don't need someone like her but angry at myself for falling victim for a THIRD TIME to a Filipina.

 

What I have learned from all this?  You simply cannot trust a Filipina (or any other nationality for that matter) when attempting to establish a loving relationship that will succeed.  

 

Filipinas, as well as those from other impoverished third world nations, are desperately seeking a way out from the economic difficulties they are faced with day to day.  Try this: make up a profile of yourself on a Filipina dating website like FilipinoCupid.  Note how many women show interest in you that are IN THE PHILIPPINES as opposed to those ALREADY IN THE U.S.  I did this and found that I got over 1000+ women showing interest (and believe me, I'm in no way a catch at 5'5" and overweight) and very few Filipinas (under ten) that were interested in the course of one month.  Believe me, on regular dating websites like Match, virtually NO GUY is going to get 1000+ interests shown in the course of a month!  But this is because so many of the Filipinas in the Philippines will hit the LIKE button on any guy that looks remotely okay as they are playing the odds that one out of thousands will eventually fall for her and end up paying her way out of there.   The Filipinas already in the U.S. have the coveted "green card" or been naturalized and so their bar is a lot higher for whom they would marry the second time around (after having abandoned/divorced the poor westerner who brought her over).  She'll complain that he abused her or that he was simply not a good husband and so divorced him and she's free to marry again. 

 

What I've also learned is that you can't trust what Filipinas say.  Remember, this is a country where women are often heard complaining that their men are womanizers/playboys and having mistresses right and left.  So if the men are lying to their wives and girlfriends, it seems Filipinas are finding it easy to lie to their foreign boyfriends as all he knows is what he HEARS from her.  He's not there day in and day out to see what she's doing everyday.  

 

Now, I'm sure there are those that will post and say that they've found the Filipina of their dreams and they've had a long, successful marriage and what-the-hell-am-I-talking-about.  I'm talking about my experiences and that any westerner who is thinking of getting involved with a Filipina (or other foreign nationality) should realize that one of the experiences I have been through can happen to you no matter how darn wonderful she seems on the outside. 

 

I've resolved, thank God, to never again getting involved with someone abroad.   There is too much risk and there are thousands of women here in the U.S. Granted, I will always love Asian women for how they look and act (I lived in Japan for five years too).  But I will never be able to trust them after what I've been through.  Besides, I've realized that, for me, I really do get along better with women that understand American humor -- some humor, like my puns or sarcastic wit, just fall on deaf ears with Filipinas!  They only seem to get physical humor like the Three Stooges.  I also realize I enjoy being with someone that can talk about different cultures and has experienced them.  Too many Filipinas have never had the chance to get out of their own "backyard" to experience anything different.  I've met Filipiinas that lived in Mindanao and had never been up to Manila, for example.  Perhaps to Cebu but that was as far as they ever got.  

 

At least I'm not one of the westerners that was ever after some trophy wife -- so many guys, stupidly so, brag about how they bagged a wife who's 24 while he's in his forties or fifties!  Do they really, really think that this young tart really wants to be pushing them around in a wheelchair when he's in his eighties and she's in her early fifties?  The Filipinas I was involved with were my age or within seven years of it.   I don't want to date someone who's a decade older than my daughter as I have little in common with her.  Does she know what a cassette is?  Knows what life was like before the internet?  That she isn't crazy about Justin Bieber as is my daughter?  

 

Sorry for the long first post but I had to tell my story.  For those of you that read through it, thank you.  For those of you who think I'm completely wrong, bully for you -- at least you have a good experience -- wish I had that.  For those of you who think I'm completely right, join the club!

 

Now back to your forum already in progress...

[Jake]

I've resolved, thank God, to never again getting involved with someone abroad.   There is too much risk and there are thousands of women here in the U.S. Granted, I will always love Asian women for how they look and act (I lived in Japan for five years too).  But I will never be able to trust them after what I've been through.

 

OK, you have made your point......that Filipinas can't be trusted anymore.  Does that mean every

single one of them?  Your sad story says it all: that you will never make that same mistake again

and again and again?

 

We wish you the very best of luck finding the thousands of women in the States.  Hopefully, by now

you can be more selective by using the head above your shoulders instead.

 

Jake (donottrustblondandblueeyes)

Edited June 19, 2013 by Jake
sentence structure

[OnMyWay]

Sorry to hear about your experiences.  Yes, there are pitfalls so one must tread carefully, but the same goes for any relationship in any country that is moved along too quickly.

 

If you have sworn off of Filipinas and the possibility of living in the Philippines, I'm not sure what you gain here in the Philippines Expat forum, unless you are looking for opinions that will change your mind.  Many members here have successful long term relationships with Filipinas and enjoy the many positive qualities that Filipinas bring to the table, compared to Western women.  Sure, there are some downsides but I think most here will tell you the upside is worth it!  Filipina or not, choose carefully and give it time, lots of time!

 

Good luck!  :thumbsup:

[Dave Hounddriver]

so many guys, stupidly so, brag about how they bagged a wife who's 24 while he's in his forties or fifties!  

 

I see your points and reach different conclusions.  I can tell you that I somewhat resemble the quoted remark, as do some of my good friends, and again I have different conclusions.  In my life my conclusion is that the relationship I have with my current partner (we fit vaguely into the area you are quoting) has been longer and better than any other wife or partner I have had in my 58 years on this planet.  The conclusions I have reached about your post and your relationships shall remain unsaid as they are not flattering to you.

 

Now I have to ask you.  Do you realize this is a Philippine Expat forum?  It is for people who are or are considering being Expats to the Philippines.  You do not sound like someone who fits that category.  Am I wrong?  Or do you just like to piss in other people's cornflakes?

[Thomas]

This will be long so no complaints about the length!

I surely don't have any complaint about the length  :)     I'm writing long myself often. 

You have the "disadvantage" (=extra risk) by you want her to move to you in USA, which many Filipinas dream of.

THAT part I solve by MOVE TO the Philippines  :)

 

Sure many lies. Many kano (puti) men too    :)     There are both bad and good Filipinas. The question is who are the good ones. Easier to lie when living in different countries, so I recomend living close in Phili AT LEAST 4 months, before decide if marry.

 

There are several GOOD examples too, e g several of the forum members have LONG time good functioning marriages with Filipinas. So don't give up yet  :)      

[Old55]

I'm very sorry to hear your sad story and sweeping generalizations. There have been other members here who made a bad choice as well.

[brock]

By my member handle you already know I do NOT trust Filipinas that come from the Philippines

 

You ever thought it may be your fault your relationships have not worked, You cannot judge a whole race of people on your past mistakes.

I too have been hurt by a Filipina, But you cannot say all Filipinas are the same.

I think that maybe your on the wrong forum.

[jon1]

I used to think like the OP based on my observations as a young marine in Okinawa watching the filipina waving good bye to their husbands on their ships and promptly going to the clubs searching for male companionship...

 

After visiting here for the first time about 15 years later, I finally found one that I trusted and we have been together 10 years now. There are lots of scammers (asking for support over the internet when you have never met) and desperates wanting to get out of the country to the US. The problem that I see with taking a filipina to the US is that they quickly become acclimatized to US behavior and the woman you fell in love with is now an American. For me that is the main reason that I will stay here with her. Keep her somewhat in her culture with minor changes to accommodate me. I plan on taking her to the States for a brief vacation in the future but never will be living there with her.

 

Also, you have to remember that the filipino culture is ran by the family. If the family wants her to go abroad and support the family. That's what she will do. The same applies to marriage. They have a very tight knit family bond that is almost impossible to break.

[Jollygoodfellow]

As for first wife's mental illness, happens to anyone so hope it does not happen to you, (OP)

Now for a question as the post and members display name are pointed at throwing crap at Filipinas and the one and only post on the forum from the member leads me too a conclusion that there is an agenda to the post.

Anyway question for the OP,did you ever read forums or research anything about the Philippines or were dating sites the only knowledge of the Philippines that you had before endeavoring into a multicultural relationship?

[jpbago]

Keep on trying. The Americans didn't make it to the moon on the first attempt, nor the 2nd.