Developing A Relationship, The Best Way And How Long?

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El Negrito
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I  have heard comments that to really develop a good solid relationship that you need to spend 6 months to a year of face time with a Filipina.

 

Also it seems that some people are insistent that this can't be done online and hence you really need to move to the Philippines if you want to really develop and make an informed decision before marriage. Key word being before, obviously you could bring your wife to your home country and develop the relationship after marriage.

 

That being said, I have also heard from the same people that if you really want a Filipina wife to be happy it's best to move to the Philippines (or I would guess relatively close, Taiwan? Australia?) so that her ties to her family can be maintained.

 

While I realize there will always be exceptions and many have been successful with online relationships and that not everyone can afford to move across the globe, I am wondering if you guys feel there are solid basis to these reasoning. Personally it did ring true for me and my late wife.

 

I lived in Canada and we video chatted online at least every other day for hours and called each other all the time. But I never really knew her until I decided to move to Mexico and that was when I got to know the real her and our relationship became solid.

 

Do you guys think this line of reasoning holds true IN GENERAL? (Like I said I know there are exceptions so I am just asking about the GENERAL truth of these ideas)

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Jack Peterson
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you need to spend 6 months to a year of face time with a Filipina.

 

 

For me! this is a must  :)

 

 

 

and develop the relationship after marriage.

 

 

:unsure:  Lets face it, you won't know anyone, until you live with them  :rolleyes:  then it will be too late, if it goes sour. Especially here.

 

:1 (103): Family Face and Archaic Divorce Laws, come into play. Walking out on a wife here, (as a Foreigner) may not be as easy as we think. Common sense and Doing homework on a Specific Lady  [to me anyway] would be more important, than scouring the field. 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  :morning1:  Morning All.

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El Negrito
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  Lets face it, you won't know anyone, until you live with them    then it will be too late, if it goes sour. Especially here.

 

Very true, but there are warning signs to look for. My late wife and I had a rocky start to our marriage because, even though I moved to Mexico and we got a lot of face time, we both ignored warning signs about each others personality. Now with more experience I think I could make an informed decision but even so as you said there will still be surprises after marriage.


 

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Jack Peterson
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Very true, but there are warning signs to look for.

 

 

My point exactly, spending those precious 6 months getting to to know her and the hmmmmm Family should give you at least, an 80% chance of finding out the worst bits.

 

IMHO, Knowing what I know about the PI, no one, should get married to a Pinay Here, Until they have done a lot of Homework. there are 00's of cousins Aunts and so  on but You need to know how many Skeletons are hidden in Cupboards. This you can only do, by being here. Too late afterwards and we would all kick ourselves, if we failed to notice the strange things in those 6 months. That happen.

 

And My friend, many strange things, do happen. Beware, The Very Close Male Cousin.  :unsure:

 

Negative posting?   NO!  Forewarned, can be and usually is, Forearmed  :thumbsup:

 

Lets Hope it is not needed.

 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  :)

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El Negrito
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And My friend, many strange things, do happen. Beware, The Very Close Male Cousin. 

 

I have no doubts about strange things. By the very close male cousin are you hinting at a possible ladyboy cousin?  :e3358:

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jon1
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I know that you are probably not one for this but once you find "the one" I would live with her before marrying her. You get to know each other in close quarters and any danger signs. You will also get to know how much the family influences her decisions.

 

After I divorced my American wife I swore that I would never get married again. Even when I found my perfect Pinay, I was against marrying. It took me seven years before I finally agreed that it was the correct thing to do. Because of the archaic family laws here, there are many common law marriages in the Philippines so the culture is not dead set against "live in's".

 

Another thing is to come to an agreement on what you and her expect out of the relationship. Lay down some rules and responsibilities (kinda like a contract) that will be adjusted as time goes by and your relationship matures. Do not give in to having children if that is not your cup of tea. The culture seems to look at the marriage as not complete without a child being born. For me, I don't have the patience and do not need to be dealing with a teen in my 60's.

 

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Jack Peterson
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I have no doubts about strange things. By the very close male cousin are you hinting at a possible ladyboy cousin? 

 

 

No not a ladyboy, a real boy.

A little story for you. a Chap I met in a Hotel Foyer in Makati, some years ago, was waiting for his G/F, She was at home and he was staying at the Hotel. (Cultural Etiquette?) after about an Hour of waiting, we went for a beer ( [ leaving a message at Reception.] she arrived with her cousin in Tow, he was to drive them around to show the sites. now, all through the online chats, she never mentioned any children.

 

she was 25 {she had told him} and the Guy(Australian) was 55.  Now, obviously neither the girl or the cousin knew me or what the relationship with me was all about. no Questions were asked and i gave nothing out but a, Have a good day when they left. 

 

2 days later (I was sorting a few things out at the UK Embassy so i was on a 4 day Trip) I saw the guy again but he was absolutely Gutted.

Seemed that she had Dropped an envelope on the floor when rummaging through her bag. On it was her name and Address. Like a Fool ( but well done) He went and found the Address ( Hmmm lucky guy, normally, even the Postman,can't find addresses)

 

Any way to cut a long story short he came across 2 children 4 or 5 years old near to the house. they called for their Father who was I guess, close bye, Hmmmmmmmmmmm ah! it was the Cousin.

Shortly Afterwards apparently, a lady came up the passageway, Mama, Mama they shouted. AH! AH! you guessed it. The Lady herself.

 

now it transpires that they were not married but were a couple with 2 children and another one most certainly on the way. it seemed that it did not take long for the Guy to put 2 & 2 together and get the hell out of there pretty damn Quick.

 

Saved, by a silly mistake by the Lady  and a Quick change of Hotel, the Guy lived to tell the tale and thus save himself a forced marriage,

 

Well he would I guess, have been Blamed for the new child.

 

Seems all males in some of these girls lives are Cousins.

 

I have spoken over the years to a lot of girls online. every now and then, on Cam, a male Appears from nowhere, Who? is that I would say. OH! he is my Cousin, he is staying here for a few days. Yeaaaaaaaaah right! He sleeps on the Floor at my back )  :rolleyes: [ ring any Bells anyone.] Luckily, I have no need to talk online anymore but my misspent time before, can I hope, help those that are still at it.

 

MORAL. To me, whenever, I heard that Phrase OH! he is my Cousin. I started to play the same game with them. Leading them on a little. Rightly or Wrongly. It got the results I wanted. The Truth (or as near to it as I was going to get)

 

So my friend. always please be so very careful of that Cousin, especially, if he will be the Driver You just never know............... :no:

 

Again not trying to be Negative but very Positive. These sort of things do, happen and you do need, to be aware,  happens more in the City, In the Provinces they can be a little more, trusted. :rolleyes:  but they still have cousins. :thumbsup:

 

 

 

:tiphat:

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El Negrito
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Very true, but there are warning signs to look for.

 

 

My point exactly, spending those precious 6 months getting to to know her and the hmmmmm Family should give you at least, an 80% chance of finding out the worst bits.

 

IMHO, Knowing what I know about the PI, no one, should get married to a Pinay Here, Until they have done a lot of Homework. there are 00's of cousins Aunts and so  on but You need to know how many Skeletons are hidden in Cupboards. This you can only do, by being here. Too late afterwards and we would all kick ourselves, if we failed to notice the strange things in those 6 months. That happen.

 

And My friend, many strange things, do happen. Beware, The Very Close Male Cousin.  :unsure:

 

Negative posting?   NO!  Forewarned, can be and usually is, Forearmed  :thumbsup:

 

Lets Hope it is not needed.

 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  :)

 

 

Wow thanks JP! Great tale of caution!

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Methersgate
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Jack is giving very good advice there.

 

remember they cannot look far ahead; long term plans mean nothing to a. simple girl or boy from the country.

 

Beware the "cousin" or "brother"

 

Remember too that for many lower class Filipinos pimping your girlfriend to a foreigner is no big deal if it means you can drink with your barkada.

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cebu rocks
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Jack is giving very good advice there.

 

remember they cannot look far ahead; long term plans mean nothing to a. simple girl or boy from the country.

 

Beware the "cousin" or "brother"

 

Remember too that for many lower class Filipinos pimping your girlfriend to a foreigner is no big deal if it means you can drink with your barkada.

This is a sad fact I have seen to many times  ... The guys here do not care because it could be a big payday down the road 

 

In fact a lot of guys when they hear a girl say they have a foreign BF the guys want to date her because they know she has money

 

The locals call it having a sideline guy and many girls have one its way more common than many think

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