My Current Situation In The Phils.

[Eddie1]

This post is not easy for me to write, its hard to express into written form what is in my head, however I am encouraged to write this post by two other posts that have been made on here in the past 24 hours. A post made by JGF about 'members that don't post' and another by Stevewool about 'writing a post and then erasing it because it might sound stupid etc'. With this in mind I shall just put my stuff the best I can.

I am in the Phils at the moment, actually in a pricey condo in Cebu City a few minutes walk from Ayala Mall, the reason for this location was because we needed to be close to a hospital and facilities as 'N' my filipina girlfriend was heavily pregnant.  I was leaving the UK on Friday 29th Jan ( 2 weeks ago) and with my cases packed of the usual holiday stuff it was also crammed with baby clothes from friends etc and naturally enough with teddy bears and outfits in my football teams colours, claret and blue for my beloved Westham United.

Me and 'N' have Skyped everyday, several times a day and I have watched her beautiful stomach slowly swelling and, be in no doubt, I was swollen with pride also at the thought of being a dad, 55 years of age, never happened before and as I don't have any family left the thought of a new beginning with a new partner, new baby and a new life to begin over in the Phils was finally shaking away the dark, dark clouds of the last 3 years in which I lost my last remaining close relative, my mother, to Alzeimers and within 4 months of burying my mum I discovered that my wife was having an affair, and if that wasn't bad enough it was with a 'friend' of mine. 

Anyway, about 2 days before I was leaving the UK I lost touch with 'N' which was exceptionally unusual, didn't think much of it at first but as the hours ticked away my anxiety was growing, to the point of climbing the walls.   Thirty six long hours had passed before I heard anything, I think that as mature adults we have all been through the wringer enough to know when bad news is coming and this was no different, this came in bucket loads.   'N' had been experiencing some pain for a while and had been in constant contact with her Gyno and unknown to me she had been having checks over the past week or so but hadn't wanted to worry me being so far away, bless her, when she went back to the gyno to get the results of the scan from the previous day to the incredulity of the Gyno and herself, the baby that had been kicking the day before was no longer breathing, it had lost the fight for life just 12 days short of the due birthdate. 'N' of course then had to be induced to give birth to a stillborn baby, how my heart aches for her.

This passing of information we did via Skype just 14 hours before I was due to leave for my flight, heart wrenching in every aspect I can think of and then to reopen my suitcase and remove all the baby outfits, I can say with no shame that it broke my heart.

 

So we are here today in a condo near to Ayala Mall, been together now for since last Monday (11 days ago) and we are being strong for each other, life is ticking by again but we are both bored here so we will probably leave here before the months rent is up and go to Dumaguete where I am more at home, hopefully to meet up with some of the forum guys that live there and hopefully have a few beers together.

 

I apologise to each and every one of you if this was uncomfortable reading or even inappropriate content, but as 'Stevewool' said in the earlier post, sometimes it is easier just to write something and then delete it but this time I am going to hit the send button.

 

Done It.

 

 

[i am bob]

To the contrary, it was good to hear your story...  And hopefully, just writing it for you helped to ease your pain some.  

 

I'm sure I'm not alone in offering my condolences to you and N...

 

Thank you!

[chris49]

It is heartbreaking for you on behalf of "N" and heartbreaking for both of you individually and as partners.

 

Perhaps "N" will have another child, but I'm sure for many reasons that would be a year or a few years down the road. Of course I don't know her age, the risk factors, her previous medical history.

 

Are you going to her family or close by? That might be important at this point, family support.

 

Although I talk occasionally bout being 66 now going to 67, having 2 small kids age 3 and 18 months. There is also the reality, that I will be in my 80's before my responsibilities will ease off even a little. But I look at Gina and see how fundamentally happy she is (cutting cinnamon and conceding there are good days and bad days), and noting she, a simple provincial farm girl is more beautiful now than when I met her. Noting all that, I'm still happy where I am.

 

Not sure what to say Eddie. Both of you will be in recovery for some time, moreso "N" and you might expect some hormonal changes even behavioural swings in her post partum period.

 

Stay strong. Both of you.

[Jake]

This post is not easy for me to write, its hard to express into written form what is in my head......

 

I apologise to each and every one of you if this was uncomfortable reading or even inappropriate content, but as 'Stevewool' said in the earlier post, sometimes it is easier just to write something and then delete it but this time I am going to hit the send button.

 

Done It.

Hello Eddie,

 

Our most sincere condolence to you and your GF.  I often ask myself, why do we have feelings, especially the ones that will bring you down to your knees.  Many are here now, not only reading your hardship but also feeling the pain as well.  Many of us have been there......I rather take a bullet than suffer the pains of the heart.

 

But there must be a bright side to all this?  You may think it's insignificant but here's my take on this: not too many of us can have the courage to open their heart full of pain and spill it out on an open forum.  You cast your ego out the window and openly wept your sorrow to complete strangers.  I like that.....you not only have the balls but you demonstrated your humanity with a warm and sensitive heart.  

 

Please take serious note from Chris49 (retired RN) regarding hormonal changes even behavioural swings in her post partum period. Emotional or mood swings can and will affect the both of you.  Just take it one step at a time, OK?  

 

Respectfully -- Jake

PS -- triple LIKE Chris!

[Kuya John]

You and your G/F "N" will come through this and I'm sure the sun will shine once again in your lives.

Be strong for her, comfort her and I believe you will spend a happier life than you left behind in UK.

God Bless you both.....JB

[Dave Hounddriver]

Done It.

 

 

The "like" I gave was more of a "thanks for sharing".  

 

[bows00]

God Bless you man.  I hope to have a beer with you one day in Dumaguete.  We should have a lot to talk about since we are just about the same age...

[robert k]

Eddie, I am glad you overcame reserve and shared that. You have my condolences and my well wishes for the future. We are not all in the same geographic location but this forum is a community and we do care. God bless.

[bob33809]

Eddie please accept my condolences for you and N. I can only imagine both of your sorrow. Nothing I can say will remove your pain , but I will hope you find strength in each other. My prayers to both of you.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[sonjack2847]

Eddie condolences to you and N.