How much does your wife know about your finances?

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Dave Hounddriver
Posted
Posted

I think its a mistake to be so much in each other's business that you know everything about each other.

Finances:  Each spouse needs to have an approximation of what is available to budget and plan their future.  Micromanaging and knowing everything about the other's finances is wrong, in my opinion.

Facebook, diaries, friends etc:  In a similar way, each spouse needs to have an idea what the other is doing but knowing everything about the other's friends, diaries, Facebook messages, etc is wrong, in my opinion.

I think it comes down to boundaries.  Where do you set yours?

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Jack Peterson
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12 minutes ago, bows00 said:

Now I am going to place all of you who have contributed to this thread into a hypothetical situation.  Just put yourself in this situation before giving any advice or comments.  So just for discussion purposes, what if you had a net worth of $2 million?   How would your answers change?  Would you place all your assets with your Filipina wife?    

Would you trust her with all your finances?  How safe would you feel if she disclosed your situation freely?  With family... friends... etc...

Not as hypothetical as you may think, Only the  Financial Situation here in the PI is what my life is about, anything else she has no control over or has any real knowledge of what is what. Plan"B" has always been in Place and it is the only way I could sleep at night. I have seen to many Disasters to let go Totally but here in the PI, I have no qualms about how we run the Home, It works despite my "Moans" every now and then. 

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Jack Peterson
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13 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

I think it comes down to boundaries.  Where do you set yours?

 I gave your Post a Like because I liked it and to a Large Degree you are maybe right But there are only two of you and not yet Wed, I am sure the whole ball game would change somewhat if you were married and had a family. Where (as in my case) The Secret Life of a  17 year old is complex and there is no way we could Cope with Boundaries set. In fact she sets the majority of Boundaries and if Azon and I were not as close as we are there would be wars each day ( well bigger than they are now)

Of course that is me and I am usually wrong on things like this. For me, I am not sure I would live that Long if  I was left to my own Devices  :omg: did I just say that.

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gbmmbg
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My wife and i have been under one roof for 30 years now and she want's nothing to do with paying the bills. She has worked the whole time but i have always controlled the money.10 years ago i typed up a list of our bank accounts and the things we own and gave it to our daughter in case i pass a way first. Someone has to know where the pot of gold is buried.... lol... i wish.

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Dave Hounddriver
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2 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

But there are only two of you and not yet Wed, I am sure the whole ball game would change somewhat if you were married and had a family

I am not the originator of the 'boundaries' concept.  I was previously married, with 2 kids, in a similar situation to what you mention.  I took many sessions in personal development with my 'shrink' and that convinced me to let go of my controlling nature and establish boundaries.  So I can understand where you are at but I doubt the whole ball game would change for me in any different situation. I intended to write more but it took me years of therapy to fully understand this stuff and I am not qualified to teach it :9436: nor am I the greatest example of how it is accomplished.

The problem I have, indeed the problem many of us have, is that even when we foreigners have learned about the necessity of personal space and boundaries we find the filipinas have not been taught that.  I believe it is why there are so many immature relationships between local girls and boys. I believe our 'boundaries' are one of the reasons filipinas fall for foreign men.  The don't want a pussy but they want to try and take a strong man and make him one.  

So what does this mean about the topic?  In my opinion, your wife should know everything about your finances that you are comfortable telling her. The rest she will figure out on her own anyway :hystery:

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Gratefuled
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29 minutes ago, bows00 said:

Now I am going to place all of you who have contributed to this thread into a hypothetical situation.  Just put yourself in this situation before giving any advice or comments.  So just for discussion purposes, what if you had a net worth of $2 million?   How would your answers change?  Would you place all your assets with your Filipina wife?    

Would you trust her with all your finances?  How safe would you feel if she disclosed your situation freely?  With family... friends... etc...

1. One can do a lot with $2 million.

2. No to the 2nd question, not ALL

3. No, to the 3rd, not ALL

4. First, she wouldn't because she doesn't now.

5. I am pretty sure we could arrange for her parents to come live with us in California.

6. $2million can arrange immigration for her parents and I could be their sponsor.

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Jack Peterson
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2 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

So what does this mean about the topic?  in my opinion I, your wife should know everything about your finances that you are comfortable telling her. The rest she will figure out on her own anyway :hystery:

 Exactly. She gets almost everything when I am gone, then she can do what she likes but for now she does understand that the commitments to a few others have to be met but this does not take anything away from my Life here and we do pretty well.

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OnMyWay
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31 minutes ago, bows00 said:

Now I am going to place all of you who have contributed to this thread into a hypothetical situation.  Just put yourself in this situation before giving any advice or comments.  So just for discussion purposes, what if you had a net worth of $2 million?   How would your answers change?  Would you place all your assets with your Filipina wife?    

Would you trust her with all your finances?  How safe would you feel if she disclosed your situation freely?  With family... friends... etc...

If I had a net worth of 2 million I would probably not live in the Philippines full time.  Maybe half time back and forth.  I could not afford to retire early and do that.  If I had that much I could keep residences in both places and travel back and forth as needed.  And I would be able to afford health insurance in the U.S., which I can't now.

If you have quite a bit of money it should stay invested in the U.S.  Live off the income.  Whether you fully disclose all your assets to your wife is going to depend on each personal situation.  If you have only known your wife for a few months after meeting her online and getting a quickie marriage, no.  If you have known your wife and her family for quite some time (before and after marriage) you will get a feel for what you can disclose, over time.  When I first met my wife to be, I just told her my finances were fine and no worries in that area.  As we built trust and knowledge of each other, over time, we revealed more of ourselves to each other.  Normal relationship basics.

If I did have more money, now that I have kids, I would be worried about kidnapping, etc.  That is probably not even a valid concern, but it would be something to worry about, and I might consider not having them live here because of that.  There are a lot of wealthy foreigners here in the freeport, many of them business owners, and I don't think they worry about this much, nor have I ever heard of an incident.

However, as I have mentioned before, we live in nice area where people have nice houses and drive nice cars, so individuals don't stick out as much.  The expats in our area seem to be a bit better off than I, and some of the Filipinos are very well off.  Our new Filipino neighbors across the street just renovated their house beautifully and have a BMW 6 series, Ford Explorer and Mits Montero.  I'm the poor guy on our block.

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Tukaram (Tim)
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If I had 2 million dollars I sure would not be living in the PIs full time! I would vacation here but would live back in Texas in a heartbeat. Probably sponsor a few of her family members if they want.  My wife could still know about our finances, since we don't support her family (siblings support themselves, parents are gone).

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Gratefuled
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Posted (edited)

How much does your wife know about your finances?

My wife, her relatives,and mine,  her friends and mine are all on a "need to know" basis. I decide on what and how much they "need to know" and who needs to know it. It has always been this way with me. 

 
Edited by Jollygoodfellow
fixed over size text
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