How much does your wife know about your finances?

[JJReyes]

My wife and our two sons know all the financial details. We have income, assets and zero liabilities. If either one of us passes away, everything goes to the remaining spouse tax free. If we both go at the same time, everything transfers to our two sons. The lawyer estimates that three days after presentation of death certificates are required to complete all transfers. The assets are likewise transferred tax free.

Having made the necessary preparations, we can enjoy our retirement worry-free.

 

 

[davewe]

13 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

I think its a mistake to be so much in each other's business that you know everything about each other.

Finances:  Each spouse needs to have an approximation of what is available to budget and plan their future.  Micromanaging and knowing everything about the other's finances is wrong, in my opinion.

Facebook, diaries, friends etc:  In a similar way, each spouse needs to have an idea what the other is doing but knowing everything about the other's friends, diaries, Facebook messages, etc is wrong, in my opinion.

I think it comes down to boundaries.  Where do you set yours?

Dave - I totally agree with this, despite my original post. I think micromanaging every financial detail ("how much did that dress cost?") can really damage a relationship. I would hate if my wife questioned me about the cost of every tool I buy, although I love to brag about some "steal" I found on ebay.

She's the same. She'll come home with a bag of clothes and ask "Do you want to know how much I spent?" "Nope - it's your money." Often in the end she'll tell me because she too loves to brag about bargains.

But the original question came up in my mind because that famous blogger I referenced recommended that if you have life insurance, don't let her know, presumably because of the fear that her lolo will come and knock you off 

For me, while I recognize there are risks in any marriage, I want a wife who's a partner and I can discuss this stuff with at least in general terms. But I totally agree that the daily money nitpicking and controlling is devastating to a relationship.

 

 

 

Edited August 2, 2016 by davewe

[Hey Steve]

As far as sharing financial matters with my wife's family, well, I try to keep that under control by sending mixed signals to them. It's like they ask how I got a new car when we told them we have limited funds. I tell them it's a loan and will be sacrificing this and that to meet the payments. They key in on anything we attain or plan on with $ on their mind. The bamboo pipeline as most know only too well, is a well oiled machine in the PI. Once we arrive for good, I really don't want to live too close to them (but not too far either-just an inconvenient trip away).

 

I've already told my wife when I pass her new bank will be First Bank of Xoom which a US based family member of mine will send her the monthly financial needs at that point. There's no profit to be had if in the unlikely event I'm knocked off.

 

 

[davewe]

15 hours ago, bows00 said:

Now I am going to place all of you who have contributed to this thread into a hypothetical situation.  Just put yourself in this situation before giving any advice or comments.  So just for discussion purposes, what if you had a net worth of $2 million?   How would your answers change?  Would you place all your assets with your Filipina wife?    

Would you trust her with all your finances?  How safe would you feel if she disclosed your situation freely?  With family... friends... etc...

I'm not sure, but I have a SIL who would like to meet you 

Actually I do have an answer. Particularly if you are a retiree, whatever you have is all you have, so it doesn't matter if your net worth is $30k, $2 mil or $20 mil; it's all you have and probably all you will ever have and therefore pretty damn important to you.

All married people have these sorts of decisions to make. When I was previously married my then wife and I had separate checking accounts; that philosophy has become popular in the US. But when I married Janet I figured I would do it differently and made my personal account a joint account. Guess what - she never used it. More interestingly, when she started working, she set up her own checking account - at a different bank! Apparently she's just as worried that I will get her money as we are that they will get our money. Actually I was very supportive of her setting up her own account. It gives her the feeling of her own money and she gets to watch it grow directly from her efforts. Plus I am very proud of her working and saving efforts!

So I guess my example demonstrates that there is no cut and dry answer for everyone.

But let's talk more about that $2 million.

 

Edited August 2, 2016 by davewe

[bows00]

3 hours ago, davewe said:

1 hour ago, davewe said:

 

But let's talk more about that $2 million.

 

 

 

 

Like I mentioned previously, it is purely hypothetical.  Just wanted to make a point that your decision's would change when the number changes.  

With money, there will be problems at both ends - from lack to abundance.  Different problems, but problems nonetheless.    

 

 

 

[bows00]

2 hours ago, davewe said:

Actually I do have an answer. Particularly if you are a retiree, whatever you have is all you have, so it doesn't matter if your net worth is $30k, $2 mil or $20 mil; it's all you have and probably all you will ever have and therefore pretty damn important to you.

I respectfully disagree.  If I had $20 mil, and a simple conservative investment strategy (earning 4%), I could live off the interest and not be able to spend it all ($800,000 per year).  Thus the $20 mil will continue to compound and grow... Even at $2 mil, would be hard to spend $80,000 per year in the Philippines. 

[bows00]

And I forgot to add... If you had that kind of money and the whole community knew about it, how safe would you feel walking out in the streets?

[davewe]

4 hours ago, bows00 said:

I respectfully disagree.  If I had $20 mil, and a simple conservative investment strategy (earning 4%), I could live off the interest and not be able to spend it all ($800,000 per year).  Thus the $20 mil will continue to compound and grow... Even at $2 mil, would be hard to spend $80,000 per year in the Philippines. 

Since I suspect that neither of us has $2 mil in the bank, let's wait for someone who does to weigh in.

Anyone?

One thing I can say for sure based on the comments, is that I am envious of many of you married to your Filipina wives for many years. I congratulate you all!! 

 

Edited August 3, 2016 by davewe

[MacBubba]

18 hours ago, bows00 said:

Now I am going to place all of you who have contributed to this thread into a hypothetical situation.  Just put yourself in this situation before giving any advice or comments.  So just for discussion purposes, what if you had a net worth of $2 million?   How would your answers change?  Would you place all your assets with your Filipina wife?    

Would you trust her with all your finances?  How safe would you feel if she disclosed your situation freely?  With family... friends... etc...

In my situation, married 26 years, that net worth would have been a joint net worth.  Since we've established that she is better with finances, I would still prefer that she keep a closer eye on it than I.  She has not given me reason not to trust her, and she keeps financial information close to her chest.  It's a "delicadeza" thing with her family.  They think that discussing wealth in dollars  (or any currency for that matter) and cents with others is vulgar. 

Once, I was speaking with my brother about how much we had in a certain mutual fund.  She caught wind of it and was aghast!  That indiscretion just blew her mind.

[Jack Peterson]

5 hours ago, davewe said:

Dave - I totally agree with this, despite my original post. I think micromanaging every financial detail ("how much did that dress cost?") can really damage a relationship.

 Try being married to an accountant, the Micromanaging is her not me. Life is Relevant to us all, in many different ways. I go out with 1.000 and that is it, I had 1.000 and I don't give the Change or explanations as Tomorrow, is another day. 

Jack 

Morning all