How Borrowing Money Affects Relationships

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chris49
Posted
Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, bows00 said:

I have heard many occasions where the Filipino family would ask to borrow money from a wealthy expat.  Although I'm still living the US, I want to take this opportunity to share an experience I had with a co-worker this past week...

It happened during a special lunch outing for work when this subject co-worker asked me to borrow $40 because he was short.  Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money.  And it is to the point where I see him differently now.  And don't get me wrong here, it is NOT about the money - I would have been better off just giving it to him as a gift.  But there is something about BORROWING... it's a promise that he's lied about with no intention of paying me back in the first place that gets under my skin.  Unfortunately, I work closely with this guy, and he has broken my trust, over a measly $40... 

So my message here is that borrowing money DOES affect relationships.  If you ever borrow from someone you value in a relationship, then pay them back as soon as possible. 

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

You are a rich guy. How come you are so mean? That kind of attitude, will put you in a poor light here in the Philippines.

Quoting you "In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

Talaga? Really?

Now as for your workmate who borrowed money, yes that's bad form. But I would not extrapolate that to the entire Philippines. I you do, good luck living here in the Philippines. You did say you might gift it to them, which is a good out clause to your statement.

Edited by chris49
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Mr. Bobo
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Posted
1 hour ago, bows00 said:

Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money. 

There is always the possibility that he has forgotten that he borrowed the money. Have you asked him about it?

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scott h
Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, bows00 said:

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship

 

All I can say is "wait til you get here" :thumbsup:

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Gratefuled
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I remember clearly my grandfather's response to a neighbor who came to borrow money..

It was early one morning and the neighbor politely asked grandpa if he had $5 that he could borrow. My grandfather took out his wallet and looked inside. He answered, " yes, I have $5 but I will not lend it to you". "why not?", the neighbor asked. My grandfather slowly put his wallet back in his pocket and answered, " it is better that you get angry with me because I do not lend it to you than for me to get angry with you because you do not pay me back". I'll never forget that answer. 

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Reboot
Posted
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3 hours ago, Mr. Bobo said:

There is always the possibility that he has forgotten that he borrowed the money. Have you asked him about it?

That in itself is a very bad sign. How can one forget he owes money to a friend?

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OnMyWay
Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, bows00 said:

I have heard many occasions where the Filipino family would ask to borrow money from a wealthy expat.  Although I'm still living the US, I want to take this opportunity to share an experience I had with a co-worker this past week...

It happened during a special lunch outing for work when this subject co-worker asked me to borrow $40 because he was short.  Yeah, no problem, I lent him the money, but it has been over a month and he has not returned my money.  And it is to the point where I see him differently now.  And don't get me wrong here, it is NOT about the money - I would have been better off just giving it to him as a gift.  But there is something about BORROWING... it's a promise that he's lied about with no intention of paying me back in the first place that gets under my skin.  Unfortunately, I work closely with this guy, and he has broken my trust, over a measly $40... 

So my message here is that borrowing money DOES affect relationships.  If you ever borrow from someone you value in a relationship, then pay them back as soon as possible. 

In my future, I will never lend money to people I care about - if I am not in a position to gift it to them, I will reply "NO - I value our relationship more".    

I won't comment on the Filipino aspect of it, for now.

Have you asked or reminded the coworker about it?  Don't assume the worst without inquiring.  People make honest forgetful mistakes.  I have forgotten that I owed someone $10 or 20 lunch money, until they reminded me.  We used to borrow from each other a lot and it is easier to forget when you are doing that.

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bows00
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1 hour ago, OnMyWay said:

Have you asked or reminded the coworker about it?  Don't assume the worst without inquiring.  People make honest forgetful mistakes.  I have forgotten that I owed someone $10 or 20 lunch money, until they reminded me.  We used to borrow from each other a lot and it is easier to forget when you are doing that.

How can someone forget?  Whenever I borrow, if I ever do, I pay it right back.  That task goes to the top of my priorities... 

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