Foreigner with Filipina, so who calls the shots?

[Old55]

David made a comment that suggested this topic.

I know it's been covered in one way or the other in the past and you guys are gonna lie anyway. But honestly, do you more or less do as you wish or are you on a leash held by your wife or GF? 

[Jack Peterson]

6 minutes ago, Old55 said:

David made a comment that suggested this topic.

I know it's been covered in one way or the other in the past and you guys are gonna lie anyway. But honestly, do you more or less do as you wish or are you on a leash held by your wife or GF? 

 I only get my own way in most things by resorting to HEY! Who pays for all this (and That is the Truth) 

[Nephi]

We work best together as partners with one not overruling or bossing the other. To do so would diminish the marriage relationship as it is intended to be. Small, simple, everyday decisions and or purchases and issues with the children we simply take care of unilaterally. Anything of real importance or if something costs over P1,000 or so we visit about and come to a decision. I try to stay out of money matters as much as possible because I've done it most of my life and have had enough. My wife actually does better with money and bills than I do and that's a blessing for me. Everyone, every couple does things differently, but in our 14 years of marriage this has and continues to work well for us.

There is no boss in our marriage and my wife gave me permission to say so .. Just kidding.

Edited December 31, 2016 by Nephi

[Dave Hounddriver]

46 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

I only get my own way in most things by resorting to HEY!

I only get my own way by saying NO!.  She (and others) will push all the buttons they can to get what they want, (and to get you to do what they want).  Most of the time I say Yes for a happy wife and a happy life.  But I have had to establish some firm boundaries and be prepared to say NO whatever the cost.  Otherwise we men become pussies and they won't want us anyway.

Its hard sometimes.  This is a hard time for me right now.  "Y" has been pushing me hard to let her do things I am not comfortable with.  Sometimes when you say NO you get what you need but not necessarily what you wanted.  But establishing boundaries and saying NO will always get you what you need.

[chris49]

2 hours ago, Old55 said:

David made a comment that suggested this topic.

I know it's been covered in one way or the other in the past and you guys are gonna lie anyway. But honestly, do you more or less do as you wish or are you on a leash held by your wife or GF? 

I get my personal freedom with Gina. Daytime, I'm out on the bike, or can be out for any reason. After 6 years, she trusts me pretty much, but no such outings at night. Even then I have come back late a few times and minimal fuss. We don't have many visitors here, but if I'm with trusted friends, generally ok. My 2 Aussie mates from Manila use the visits as an escape. She doesn't know what goes on, and have been out as late as 2 AM, but still ok. This would never fly under normal circumstances however and it's twice a year maximum.

Issues have been raised over finances. I hold the money, she gets more interested as to how it's spent. If she holds the money (as we have tried both ways), the money tends to be spent more easily. She's not so good handling large amounts. Currently the money get locked in a drawer. Within envelopes marked with the amount. There is no way either party can take any out, without consulting the other.

Of course of the comptroller, CEO, but as I explain to her, she's the manager. The system is not perfect, but at least each party has input.

Having said all that, we are going into January with a deficit and will pull some money from February to cover that. If we knuckle down, we can catch up by the end of Feb.....Feb being a short month will help. It will definitely be a challenge and a good test for both of us.

So in reality, I am on a leash but it's voluntary. I get quite a bit for my biking, a bit more than she realizes. But she can spend her excess money in the market. As women do, usually on cheap stuff for herself.

If a woman puts me on a leash or tries, and it has happened before. I will end up hating her. And I suppose vice versa. So try to stay away from the idea that is all my money. She has her child support from SS, but per agreement, she puts all that in the drawer or it stays in the bank.

Edited December 31, 2016 by chris49

[jpbago]

We compromise. Neither me nor her would ask of something that would offend the other.

[Gratefuled]

I get my way after I stomp around and shout yell where anyone within a mile could hear me. Then I sit down and sulk.

Seriously, we don't ask permission to go or do anything. When one of us goes out without the other, we keep in touch via cell phone. Like where we are and when we expect to be back.

Works well for us.

[Jollygoodfellow]

2 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

This is a hard time for me right now.  "Y" has been pushing me hard to let her do things I am not comfortable with.

Come on Dave, let her use your electric razor. 

[expatuk2014]

From day one I made it very clear that I am the boss !

And she never tells me what to do, as she knows if it means interfering with my daily routine

of my morning stroll along the road chatting up all the lovely single woman and then

sitting outside the bar watching the eye candy !

I will be very upset ! she does all the food shopping and I pay the major bills.

she makes coffee for me on demand and pours me an Ice cold beer when I tell her too !

she cooks the food I like to eat and never asks me to try Filipino food.

she tucks me into bed at night and stokes my forehead until I fall to sleep !

Damm I must stop dozing off in the afternoons !

seriously we are a couple first and foremost and its very rare that we go anywhere without each other.

if we go to the Local SM mall or Nuvali etc her brother is our driver and at weekends her younger sister

will come with us.

we pool our money  and our home is our first priority.

she has never quite got into ATMs and its me that gets money from both accts at ATMs

I like my gadgets and she likes her clothes and bags etc and she loves charity shops !

she never stops me buying my beers etc

we are happy together and I love her I know she loves me as when she goes to the market

she buys me doughnuts !!

 

 

 

[MacBubba]

She does the planning and the contingency planning, which we discuss at length.  Same page, and all that.  Makes for fewer arguments when we share the same goals and keep those in sight.

Personal freedoms are available to both of us, but never abused.  That's because we truly do prefer each other's company and really are the best of friends.

So, who calls the shots?  I would say that most of the time, she does.  She does it well, so no qualms from me.