Head Scratcher

[Caveman20]

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years...planning to get married next fall. I normally get a local massage at a local and legitimate spa and gym once or twice a week. It is visited by a broad section of the locals and I have been using the facility for some years and the American owner is an acquaintenance.. As I am very active (hiking, serious biking, basketball, etc.), and, at 61, those massages are very inexpensive and welcome. I have been tipping one of the massueses there very handsomely as I know she has 4 children and works very hard to make ends meet. She is a nice girl, good massuese, nothing more. I have no interest in this woman whatsoever, and, even though there are thousands of similar situations like this in the Philippines, I thought this gesture appropriate. Well, aparently, this women told her co-workers that I was supporting her and, somehow, that got back to my fiance'. Oh, boy! Even though I had told her PREVIOUSLY that I tipped this person well, she went absolutely ballistic because, apparently, the word "support" changed things in her mind. I tried to explain that I only tipped her in a business setting...it was CERTAINLY nothing more than that. Not a word from her in a week...not one. What the heck? Totally confused...

[Dave Hounddriver]

There is appropriate tipping and then there is tipping that will cause gossip.  You found out that "handsome tipping" does not pay off for you or for any of the other customers.

People I know will tip anywhere from nothing (tightwad Aussies) to 150 pesos for a very good, legitimate massage.  I usually leave about 100 if I leave content.  Now if you are leaving "happy" then you may be leaving 1000 pesos and if anyone sees you leaving 1000 tip (or hears about it) then you will get the rumor mill going that you are getting extra service and you "like that girl"

Best of luck sorting that one out :-)

[robert k]

Sounds like you are guilty whether you are or not? If you are prepared to hear about this for the length of your married life, then proceed...and move far enough away so your significant other doesn't hear about it three times a week. If you have one foot in the grave, proceed. If I had 20 years left in me? I would start looking elsewhere. The seed was not just sown, it fell on fertile ground. Virtually impossible to prove that something Did Not...happen. Can't stuff a djinni back in a bottle. That's my peso worth.

[Jack Peterson]

21 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

then you will get the rumor mill going that you are getting extra service and you "like that girl"

 Introductions please Young man  will follow if found out I am sure

Morning All 

[sonjack2847]

Seems like you have put your foot in it this time.But that being said it is not your fault it is her jealous co-workers who are at fault.I hope you can work it out as 8 years is a long time.I will also say that what Robert K has said is very good advice.

[jpbago]

6 hours ago, sonjack2847 said:

it is not your fault it is her jealous co-workers who are at fault.

This is quite common.

[Gratefuled]

I was given some advice by my uncles when I was young and single. 

They said that if I want to know the temperament of a girl, observe her when she is angry. 

Does she pout, or throw tantrums, or unleash a stream of profanity directed at you? 

I lost a few girl friends by getting them angry. 

I learned that "jealousy" is a big thing to avoid. 

Know what makes her angry and avoid it if you love her and want peace in your relationship. 

This was good advice from uncles and dad agreed.

[Old55]

Not entirely your fault.

I get massage twice a week during my visits and tip 50 Peso on average.

After 8 years and now she is unable or unwilling to believe you something is very wrong. Don't know the whole story assuming you have never been unfaithful I think this may be a wake up call. Perhaps time to move on? Best of luck to you.

[Jake]

Hello CaveMan,

Thank you for sharing your story.  Believe in us old timers -- your story is not unique.  Although you invested 8 years into this relationship, I think you may need to seriously re-evaluate your future.  We all have the luxury of hindsight and most of us are telling you to WAKE UP.  

Put your foot down hard, put everything on the table and discuss your concerns with her.  It maybe a hard pill to swallow for both of you but you have to be honest, especially with yourself.  

Have that Cave Man mentality -- knock some sense into her, analyze her response or behavior.  Most Filipinas would like to suffer in silence but will carry on with a permanent tampo.  During this heart to heart discussion (and do it ASAP), perhaps some truth will come out -- perhaps it is you that needs to adjust before you get married for a lifetime.  

Respectfully Jake   

[jpbago]

21 hours ago, Caveman20 said:

 

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years...

 

Ask Dave H what he would do....I'll bet that he won't have an answer.

Edited May 6, 2017 by jpbago