Living her dream Hating her dream

[robert k]

5 hours ago, stevewool said:

If the folks give there partner a allowance and she does run out , what happens then , if the money was for her own little bits and bobs ok , but what if its for the shopping the bills and so on, do you then starve or just feed yourself.

We all like to think we can handle a budget or a allowance and some times we can , but there are times something comes along and lucky us we have that extra hidden account to pay for it.

Steve, great question. In the past I have tried to explain the emergency fund, so far without success. It's got it, spend it or give it to mom. 

[Mr-T]

Been reading all the post here, very interesting but i may be one of the guy who treats my wife a little differently. I do not give a allowance. That is for kids, matter of fact i do not even give my kid allowance. Wife have her own ATM card and credit cards. She buys what she wants and i do not mind because she is responsible. She likes to shop like most women does and she takes care of herself, good grooming, always looking clean and attractive. All that cost pesos but that comes with the territory (her).  

Now family is another matter, we had lots of problem with family wanting to control and bully my wife, family i mean siblings. She is the last of ten kids but in my opinion the smartest and the most educated, a high school science teacher. We gave away or lend away well over a million pesos and still the hands are reaching for more. Reach the point where she stop communication with one sister and two brothers. This one sister is super jeolous of any friends my wife have. Unbelievable and i can just shake my head at times. We live in the same town about ten minutes away. At one time they practically live at our place even though husband is a retired cop with a pension. She even complain if my wife take any of her friends in our car.  Wife is a very kind and giving person but now the charity stops. So many things i could vent on but maybe another day. Been here now going on nine years and it is okay. Not paradise but okay. 

Just a little part of my story. Take guys.

[Dave Hounddriver]

13 minutes ago, Mr-T said:

i may be one of the guy who treats my wife a little differently. I do not give a allowance. That is for kids

Really?  Its great that you share your opinion, but it surely looks like you are putting down those of us who are less fortunate than you, financially.  You mention:

15 minutes ago, Mr-T said:

She likes to shop like most women does and she takes care of herself, good grooming, always looking clean and attractive. All that cost pesos but that comes with the territory (her).  

As has been mentioned in many other threads, a lot of us expats are on a very tight budget.  If we give carte blanche to a pretty lady, like you seem to be suggesting you do, we would not be eating this month.  Fortunately there are clean, attractive ladies who make their own money, or require only a small piece of the budget, (we call that an allowance  ), and still date foreigners.  They sometimes give US an allowance.  Its nice being a big kid. 

But I'm not knocking what's working for you, just the way it comes across to us po' folk.

[OnMyWay]

1 hour ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Really?  Its great that you share your opinion, but it surely looks like you are putting down those of us who are less fortunate than you, financially.  You mention:

As has been mentioned in many other threads, a lot of us expats are on a very tight budget.  If we give carte blanche to a pretty lady, like you seem to be suggesting you do, we would not be eating this month.  Fortunately there are clean, attractive ladies who make their own money, or require only a small piece of the budget, (we call that an allowance  ), and still date foreigners.  They sometimes give US an allowance.  Its nice being a big kid. 

But I'm not knocking what's working for you, just the way it comes across to us po' folk.

Dave, you sure read a lot between the lines that I did not see at all.  And this:  ????

1 hour ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

If we give carte blanche to a pretty lady, like you seem to be suggesting you do, we would not be eating this month.

You basically said that all pretty Filipinas can't manage money and if given carte blanche, they will spend everything.   I can assure you that some can, including my wife and at least one of her sisters who is a bank executive.

[Dave Hounddriver]

12 minutes ago, OnMyWay said:

Dave, you sure read a lot between the lines that I did not see at all.

Could be, I can't be sure how you see it.

I see it right in the lines when the poster says "All that, (referring to his wife buying stuff to look pretty), costs money and it comes with the territory"  He says "She shops like most women do" so is it reading between the lines to infer that particular post indicates that most women spend a lot of money to "takes care of herself, good grooming, always looking clean and attractive."

My point, or what I am trying to say, is that many women do not spend like that so I disagree that this is "like most women do"'

Perhaps I am reading it wrong.  Lets see what other readers think and see if Mr-T comes back to elaborate.

As an added comment.  It is fascinating how we (me and you and many others) can read the same thing and get a different take on it.  Its hard getting out thoughts across on the forum at times.

[AlwaysRt]

28 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

As an added comment.  It is fascinating how we (me and you and many others) can read the same thing and get a different take on it.  Its hard getting out thoughts across on the forum at times.

We don't do a formal 'allowance', my wife does earn money after starting an online business a few months ago. Not going to pay the rent with it but she enjoys the 'work' and makes enough to buy some of the trivial things (to me) ladies like. For our 'normal' budget, she doesn't like carrying around money, preferring instead to ask me when she 'needs' some to pay for something. She is always price conscious and does not like the idea of 'wasting money' resulting in the need to tell her 'no' or 'later' in very few, rare instances.

As far as Dave's 'extra comment' comment, the more I post the more I find myself subject to the limitations of the written word. Without the benefit of hearing how something is said and at the moment it was said (in context), even simple concepts can be totally misinterpreted. An idea that is flowing well at the moment may make no sense whatsoever when read several hours later and we certainly can't hear if the writer is laughing or yelling at the time. I have often, not sarcastically, replied with 'I don't follow what do you mean by...'

[Mr-T]

First off guys i am sorry if anyone thinks i am putting them down. Certainly not my intention. Each of us see things differently and say things differently and i was just stating how i does it. I am not rich either. My wife has dual citizenship and so does out 12 yrs. old who was born in the U.S. They both have an income which i will not elaborate on. So no need for me to give allowance. Yes i know most filipinas like to spend and sometimes i have to remind her about spending for things which is not necessary but she is learning. At the same time i have to be careful how i say things. They are very sensitive. 

 

[Dave Hounddriver]

10 minutes ago, Mr-T said:

At the same time i have to be careful how i say things. They are very sensitive. 

Aren't we all sometimes.  Thanks for the explanation.

[robert k]

5 hours ago, Mr-T said:

First off guys i am sorry if anyone thinks i am putting them down. Certainly not my intention. Each of us see things differently and say things differently and i was just stating how i does it. I am not rich either. My wife has dual citizenship and so does out 12 yrs. old who was born in the U.S. They both have an income which i will not elaborate on. So no need for me to give allowance. Yes i know most filipinas like to spend and sometimes i have to remind her about spending for things which is not necessary but she is learning. At the same time i have to be careful how i say things. They are very sensitive. 

 

Having one's own money, knowing where it came from and having a good idea when, if and how much you will get in the future is in my opinion totally different from someone who never had money marrying someone who is retired or whatever because they didn't see what it took to make and save the money. Some people from their situation in life have a better excuse for not being good with money, because they never had any excess.

Someone like my American ex SIL has no excuse, though, my brother made $16K USD in a month and she would spend $20K. Talk about someone who needed to be on an allowance.

I've met some filipinas who I believe are actively afraid of money, like they need to spend it or give it away so they can be broke again and safe. These are women who live at home in their 30's and they have never had to husband, for lack of a better term, money.

[Maxheadspace]

On 5/30/2017 at 3:36 AM, mogo51 said:

The first problem with your scenario Steve is moving to where the family is - at least 5 hours away is the go!

Yes!  My thinking exactly.  My wife's family is in the Quezon City area (metro Manila)...we are looking (at least at first) of moving to Palawan.