mensamember1960 Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 I am 56 years old, divorced and live in New York City. I drive for Uber and have a low income by US standards. I look good for my age, however I am my age. I have met online many Filipinas who are under 30 and who are interested in meeting me. I would like to know: If I bring a girl like this to the US, how likely is it that she will remain with me in the long term? On the one hand, once she obtains her "green card" she will no longer be dependent on me and could marry someone else younger. On the other hand, Filipinas are raised in a very patriarchal society where divorce is impossible. Therefore, perhaps she would by nature be inclined to remain with me. Thank you for your thoughts and please let me know if you are aware of any success or failure stories. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support scott h Posted June 2, 2017 Forum Support Posted June 2, 2017 Welcome to the forum, stand by I am sure you will get lots of responses on this topic 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysRt Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 1 hour ago, mensamember1960 said: I am 56 years old, divorced and live in New York City. I drive for Uber and have a low income by US standards. I look good for my age, however I am my age. I have met online many Filipinas who are under 30 and who are interested in meeting me. I would like to know: If I bring a girl like this to the US, how likely is it that she will remain with me in the long term? On the one hand, once she obtains her "green card" she will no longer be dependent on me and could marry someone else younger. On the other hand, Filipinas are raised in a very patriarchal society where divorce is impossible. Therefore, perhaps she would by nature be inclined to remain with me. Thank you for your thoughts and please let me know if you are aware of any success or failure stories. You seem to be asking 'I have met someone here in the States and we have decided to move in together. Do you guys think she will stay with me forever?' How do we know? We don't know you nor her. Now, if you are asking 'In the States this kind of age difference is crazy. Is there really a chance a 20+ year age difference is ok when talking about a Filipina?' In that case, yes. There are many many happy couples with 20+, 30+ year differences in age here. There are also many who have had their heart and/or wallet destroyed by an opportunist. Short answer, success is certainly in the realm of possibility - but not guaranteed. Depends on the two of you as individuals on a level we have no expertise on. Proceed with caution, be careful, keep your eyes open and rose colored glasses off, read forums as the good, bad, and ugly are discussed at length. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support Old55 Posted June 2, 2017 Forum Support Posted June 2, 2017 So you are thinking to marry and bring a reasonably attractive Filipina 30 years younger than you to live in an expensive area while having a modest income? What could go wrong with that plan? Sarcasm aside, generalizations are just that honestly there is no way to know for sure one way or the other it depends on you and the lady and a thousand other factors. From what my wife and I have seen here in the US the odds are not in favor of doing that. On the other hand if you were to meet a nice lady from a good family ten years or so your junior..... Anyway welcome to the forum for sure there will be lots of input. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support scott h Posted June 3, 2017 Forum Support Posted June 3, 2017 1 hour ago, mensamember1960 said: low income by US standards. Lets look at first things first. can you even afford to go through the process of getting her to the states? Unless she comes from a wealthy family (which I doubt, but am willing to be proved wrong) you will have to foot the whole bill. Round trip plane ticket for you, one way for her. If you marry her here in the PI, hotel costs, wedding costs, "gifts" to the family. Visa costs, costs for her passport. Now I am not sure the complete process to get a fiancé visa, or a wife visa, can you afford to stay in the country for weeks or months while the interviews are done? (I believe there are topics already posted dealing with some of this, you can search and see). I wont even get into what happens when you get her to the states. IMHO you have to do some hard and deep thinking and research to see if it is even possible. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dave Hounddriver Posted June 3, 2017 Popular Post Posted June 3, 2017 2 hours ago, mensamember1960 said: If I bring a girl like this to the US, how likely is it that she will remain with me in the long term? Many success stories that I personally know of started with the man coming to the Philippines to get to know the lady in her home environment for a year or 3. Many failure stories I personally know of started with coming here to get a lady and immediately taking her back to the US to get married. If a girl is willing to run off to your country with you it is very likely because she sees it as a great adventure while you see it as "love". As in all adventures, she may tire of it and move back home to Philippines (happens more often than some realize) or move on to another adventure, or actually fall in love with someone while she is with you. So the only way it is even likely to happen that she will remain with you long term is love or money. Since you claim to not have enough money to send to her family every month then you better be darn sure she loves you madly, and not the kind of love they will tell you after a weekend in the sack, or a few weeks of online dating. PS: Yes, marriage is important to the filipino community. But it is not as sacred as you might think. They break up as often as anyone else in the world but they get "legal separations" and live with someone else rather than getting a divorce. So if you don't think you could hold the interest of an American girl who is under 30 for a long term then you could not likely hold onto a filipina who moves to the US as she will be as American as any other girl within 5 years or so. Such is my opinion. There are many success stories of people in your situation so if you feel strong enough about it, go for it. But if you feel a need to come here and seek confirmation then you already know its not gonna work. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratefuled Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 The age difference is the determining factor. First, if you plan to live in the Philippines with your trophy wife, it has more of a chance to succeed but no guarantee. Second, if you plan on a happy married life in the states with your trophy wife, it would be difficult if not impossible to live a happy married life. Just my opinion and not advice. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robert k Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Patriarchal society? Really? Is there a Philippines I'm missing that I have not lived in? Maybe it's so in the ELITE and that would explain why I never saw the patriarchy. From the families I have known, most wouldn't have had a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of if a woman were not the driving force. Some people might say it's a patriarchal society because some men are tolerated in having a mistress? That guy had better be bringing home the bacon. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr-T Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Welcome to the forum. Another former New Yorker here. Well i have been there done that and our age difference is 32 yrs. Been married now since 2001 and still going strong. First i would advise that you try and get to know the lady first. I say try because it will take time and you cannot trust her to be honest but as you get to know her better you will learn if she is sincere or not. Even then it will be a gamble. It takes money and your time to get her to the states. Only two way she will get a visa. As your wife if you are married here or a fiancee K1 visa, which with the latter you will have three months to marry after she gets to the states. The good filipina will stay with you if you treats her good. There are many filipinos in N.Y. and she will make friends quickly and easily. Filipinos are very social people. She will talk and compare notes with others. I have seen and heard of filipinas married, comes to the states and trade up or leave their spouse after a year or two. It does happen. It can work and it may not work. But as i stated you need time to get to know the lady and this is something you should not rush into but be cautious and look for red flags as you go along.not sure if you know what red flags are but it is a term we expat uses when a lady is a scammer. Many scammers here and many good honest women who only need a chance with a good man. Good luck with what ever you chooses. Hope this helps a little. Take care. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post davewe Posted June 3, 2017 Popular Post Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) This forum is mostly geared toward expats but in my case I did bring my future wife to the US and married her under the K-1 Visa. We have lived in the US for the past 4 years, though we will soon be moving to the Philippines. There are no absolutes and I don't know definitive national figures but I personally know 100+ Fil-Am couples in my city. There's only been 1 divorce over the past 5 years, and in that case the guy divorced his wife (it was his 2nd marriage to a Filipina that ended in divorce, so you do the math). Almost everyone else seems very happy. Some guys make money, some guys struggle and the wife has to work, some couples I don't know how they manage financially. However, as has been said by others, you do have to find out whether you have the income to qualify for a K-1. I think it's 125% of the national poverty level. There are ways around this (a sponsor, for instance) but I would say if you don't have a decent and stable income, then any marriage is a risk. I have heard my share of horror stories about the Filipina splitting, but frankly I hear even more horror stories about deadbeat, broke and abusive American husbands. Of those 100 couples there are no stories about the girl leaving after getting the Visa, but it does happen. So I can attest that a great marriage can happen even with the dreaded age-gap. I'm older than you and my wife is still under 30 (though she is humorously panicked about her next birthday). Take your time, get to know her as well as possible, and get to know her family. In my case by the time I was ready I also knew many Filipinos and Filipinas. I asked my Filipina friends to get to know my fiancee and tell me what they thought. It was an extra way to vet her I suppose. All the feedback was very positive and while the future is never certain my marriage is one of the best things I have ever done. Edited June 3, 2017 by davewe 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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