What is the deal with responsibility for lazy family members?

[AlwaysRt]

8 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he eats his own food, as long as you don't keep giving him fish for free. (Dave's adaptation)

Oh he knows he has taught the BIL to fish, in two different fisheries, and it is time to cut the free fish. The problem is his wife does not agree. I hope never to be in that situation, I have enough pains, I don't also need a pain in the butt.

[Jack Peterson]

35 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 But Uncle you have only given me 1/2 the pay YEP! you are working only 1/2 day BUT Ante said 250 you gave me 125, YEP!

 Ok Folks now the bit of the Culture I do not like The lies, Seems that the SIL has been having a go at "Azon" over this, He (the nephew) has been saying that we (Well I) only paid him 1/2 his wages for the day, No mention of him going early to a Lunch, Now it transpires he has lied to his Mother about Going to this friends House as the Family do not like the Friend or  his Family (Drug problem) So Now it gets worse. Seems that not only is this one Lazy and couldn't care less about much, he is also putting problems where there should be none. I think I will stay with my Culture and do the picking and choosing myself in future as it is I that pay for it. Then people (The family) Wonder why I can get an attitude at times. I feel for "Azon" as it must be hard where family are concerned  but what do you do, just let them walk over you ?

[Dave Hounddriver]

3 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

I feel for "Azon" as it must be hard where family are concerned  but what do you do, just let them walk over you ?

In this culture they do.  I am seeing it at a very early age where the 2 year old living with us is the one calling the shots in this house.  People will surely tell me to put a stop to it early but I am concerned that "putting a stop to it" may involve putting a stop to the relationship.  It is cultural here that little boys are spoiled rotten and stepping into a parental position at this point in the child's life means I have no rights beyond paying the bills and contributing to spoiling the child further.

Hard to say why we let them walk all over us but we are fighting an entire culture when we attempt to be "strict" which I interpret as parental and others interpret as mean and grumpy.

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

when we attempt to be "strict" which I interpret as parental and others interpret as mean and grumpy.

 That'll be me then  

[Tukaram (Tim)]

After this long it may too late, but I made my position very clear as soon as I got here.  I am not an ATM and her family did not win the lottery.  They learned quickly not to bother asking me for money.

We built a one room house for us.  Later, my wife said we needed to build a guest room.  I laughed and told her she still did not get the concept of a one room house.  The family can visit, but not stay long.  We get the occasional overnight guest on our enclosed front porch - but no long term visits.  IF I was going to support any kids it would be my own - but they are 30 and on their own. Her brothers, nieces, and nephews are not my financial problem. 

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

  IF I was going to support any kids it would be my own

 Great Post Tim, it is Odd that after some 17+ years, 2 of my 3 daughters in the Uk have made recent Contact, they want nothing BUT it has made my Little family here realise that I Do have others and what I have is not just for them.

Things are fairly Good on the Borrowing things as "Azon" now levies a Charge, we notice prompt repayments now or suffer the Interest escalation

It is the Lazy ones that give me Headaches, and my latest episode tells the family that I will not be Trodden on, I am so very Lucky that "Azon" has come to realise that family can be a worse enemy at times than she would have liked 

[Nickleback99]

17 hours ago, mogo51 said:

I have not had to deal with this Rt and I won't, simply because he would not get in the front door.  I have a daughter like this back in Oz and she is a lazy b..ch - we have not spoken for years.  Got sick of her putting her hand out.

Tough Love is exactly that TOUGH.

[AlwaysRt]

34 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

In this culture they do.  I am seeing it at a very early age where the 2 year old living with us is the one calling the shots in this house.  People will surely tell me to put a stop to it early but I am concerned that "putting a stop to it" may involve putting a stop to the relationship.  It is cultural here that little boys are spoiled rotten and stepping into a parental position at this point in the child's life means I have no rights beyond paying the bills and contributing to spoiling the child further.

Hard to say why we let them walk all over us but we are fighting an entire culture when we attempt to be "strict" which I interpret as parental and others interpret as mean and grumpy.

I think your issue is equal parts culture here and motherhood anywhere. There are plenty of children in the US that the adults have given over the parental role to and the little brats create their own tiny North Korea. Step Dad is another tough roll to be in, letting the kid know your boundary is different than Mama's in a way that doesn't totally piss Mama off. It is a dance that should get easier over time as kids push just to find out where the wall is and Mama sees having a limit is not a bad thing.

[RBM]

22 minutes ago, Nickleback99 said:

Tough Love is exactly that TOUGH.

If I was the offended party this is what I would do given the situation.

First have my SO read all posts in this section. Next would carefully explain the guy although your brother, is obviously bone lazy and no longer our  responsibility in any way. Work or walk, he may well be surprised as fair, firmness often gets respect from SOs.

[JJReyes]

Best thing to do is not to directly participate.. Give your wife or girl friend a monthly amount -- say, P10,000 to take care of all the handouts to her relatives. That includes education, medical emergencies, beer money, etc. You could double it during Christmas. She becomes the surrogate Godfather. Don't ask for details on how the money is being spent. It will only infuriate you.