Momma's Boy

[JJReyes]

Wealthier Filipinos are expected to care for less fortunate family members even if it is a case of someone who is too lazy to find employment. I consider it a cultural issue which some forum members find this hard to believe. 

What about in the West? Do you know any practices that would seem strange? Let me start off with one.

Mammoni or momma's boy is a term applied to Italian men who are still living at home with their mothers.  Many of these men are professionals with jobs. The data is almost 60% for the age group 18 to 34 years. Even in their 40's and 50's, they prefer to live at home with their mother. When they marry, the wife is expected to live at the boy's home. If they happen to live outside, one in three Italian men sees his mother every day. Assuming the place of employment is far or overseas, the expectation is a telephone call everyday.

The Italian government is offering cash and tax incentives for men to move out. Why? Declining birthrate because modern girls don't want to marry a Mammoni. Another reason is lower income (and therefore less taxes) if grown men only seek employment near home.. Good cooking means they eat out less often, lowering revenues and taxes collected from restaurants. 

[scott h]

9 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

I consider it a cultural issue which some forum members find this hard to believe. 

I don't think any of us find it hard to believe JJ, in fact most of us have been exposed to it first hand. Its just that most of us don't agree with it. 

Consider the type of person that is your average expat. Most (if not all) are self made men, willing to go out on a limb, willing to up root from the security and comfort of our home countries and start anew in an alien environment. Most if not all have worked hard, very hard for what they have and it rubs the wrong way when they are asked to part with it for no apparent "good" reason.

Besides, I don't think we have any Italian members 

[Jack Peterson]

21 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

Mammoni or momma's boy is a term applied to Italian men who are still living at home with their mothers.  

 So JJ what you are saying is "when in Rome" ?  seems that this is just what is happening here.

 People loved the Culture here but it is wearing very thin now and you have put your Finger right on the problem. Over many years I have seen the Family Culture circle go full Circle and it has ended up with Debt and Poverty. Someone in the Family has to get of their backside and Do something for their own House family and stop riding the Cash train (Gravytrain) Mama is not going to live for ever & I have seen this Recently since my MIL passed away the Family has all but disintegrated 

JMHO but 

[sonjack2847]

1 hour ago, scott h said:

I don't think any of us find it hard to believe JJ, in fact most of us have been exposed to it first hand. Its just that most of us don't agree with it. 

Consider the type of person that is your average expat. Most (if not all) are self made men, willing to go out on a limb, willing to up root from the security and comfort of our home countries and start anew in an alien environment. Most if not all have worked hard, very hard for what they have and it rubs the wrong way when they are asked to part with it for no apparent "good" reason.

Besides, I don't think we have any Italian members 

If the people who ask for money are too lazy to help themselves then why should somebody who has no blood ties be expected to pay.If there is a genuine need I do help but within my budget.Some of the locals have got to wake up and smell the coffee.It is not like they don`t know about the rest of the world and how it works as they are all on FB.

[mogo51]

2 hours ago, scott h said:

I don't think any of us find it hard to believe JJ, in fact most of us have been exposed to it first hand. Its just that most of us don't agree with it. 

Consider the type of person that is your average expat. Most (if not all) are self made men, willing to go out on a limb, willing to up root from the security and comfort of our home countries and start anew in an alien environment. Most if not all have worked hard, very hard for what they have and it rubs the wrong way when they are asked to part with it for no apparent "good" reason.

Besides, I don't think we have any Italian members 

In full agreement Scott and well put.  I would like to add to relevancy, none of us are (mainly) Filipino and therefore not brought up in that culture.  We have to right to accept or decline what expectations are dictated by an Asian/western relationship.

If the rules are set from start/go, then its 'game over'.

By all means Filipino/Filipino relationships can have those expectations, but why must it be considered necessary, that westerners have to conform?

[mogo51]

1 hour ago, sonjack2847 said:

If the people who ask for money are too lazy to help themselves then why should somebody who has no blood ties be expected to pay.If there is a genuine need I do help but within my budget.Some of the locals have got to wake up and smell the coffee.It is not like they don`t know about the rest of the world and how it works as they are all on FB.

Right again Kev.

[sonjack2847]

1 minute ago, mogo51 said:

Right again Kev.

I have another account AR haha

[sonjack2847]

5 minutes ago, mogo51 said:

In full agreement Scott and well put.  I would like to add to relevancy, none of us are (mainly) Filipino and therefore not brought up in that culture.  We have to right to accept or decline what expectations are dictated by an Asian/western relationship.

If the rules are set from start/go, then its 'game over'.

By all means Filipino/Filipino relationships can have those expectations, but why must it be considered necessary, that westerners have to conform?

I would ask how many of us have injuries or illnesses due to our work.So why should we support somebody who is too bone idle to get off there backside.I had enough of paying high taxes in the UK to help lazy gits.No more thank you.

[Jack Peterson]

 A dose of Military Conscription (Draft) would not go amiss here just now with things the way they are, It would clear the Mummies Boys and maybe halt the Gold Diggers while 

 Just saying 

[Queenie O.]

53 minutes ago, JJReyes said:

Wealthier Filipinos are expected to care for less fortunate family members even if it is a case of someone who is too lazy to find employment. I consider it a cultural issue which some forum members find this hard to believe. 

What about in the West? Do you know any practices that would seem strange? Let me start off with one.

Mammoni or momma's boy is a term applied to Italian men who are still living at home with their mothers.  Many of these men are professionals with jobs. The data is almost 60% for the age group 18 to 34 years. Even in their 40's and 50's, they prefer to live at home with their mother. When they marry, the wife is expected to live at the boy's home. If they happen to live outside, one in three Italian men sees his mother every day. Assuming the place of employment is far or overseas, the expectation is a telephone call everyday.

The Italian government is offering cash and tax incentives for men to move out. Why? Declining birthrate because modern girls don't want to marry a Mammoni. Another reason is lower income (and therefore less taxes) if grown men only seek employment near home.. Good cooking means they eat out less often, lowering revenues and taxes collected from restaurants. 

There are mama's boys in the West too JJ we all know, and with many different foreign cultures now living lives in the West, it is acceptable sometimes to live at home as a working adult too, and in turn care or be company for aging parents. Reduced board and the food and familiar comforts of family and home are sometimes part of the package. 

As Scott said, foreigners  have worked hard through the years oftentimes, and it's aggravating that some family members here are just looking for a "free lunch" without any responsibility on their part to help better themselves or sometimes make any effort in any direction. If one is looked upon as a rich person that can well afford it, whether that's true or not,  it's not the point. That money was earned in western cultures that can be stressful and fast-paced.  Also, I think that younger wives have younger family members who might feel that helping their sister, brother, cousin is just part of the package of your role in the marriage. Family members have to realize that partners came to live here to make new lives better for themselves, not to give over their attention and savings for other peoples' benefit.

Being a foreigner woman there is a different dynamic.  I live first hand my husband's willingness and acceptance as a Filipino in the culture to help immediate and extended family members at times because he can, and he often feels happy to be able to do it. It can be aggravating at times for him too though, as he worked very hard for his earnings while living in the US for many years. He tries to be fair in who he helps, and for the most part he won't let anyone take advantage of him. Often he calls upon family members to help him with jobs or errands in return for help. I don't have to get involved, because from what I observe, the money he helps with is not that demanding or unreasonable. It's his call. Even myself if I see a different need, I'll use my own money to fill it. He doesn't judge that either. Being a Filipino male, there is no intermediary wife to relay requests too, and he can decide to be generous or tough depending on the situation.

I guess it's best to start off with a partnerdiscussing how you feel and try to come up with a shared understanding. There are some expectations in the culture to help less fortunate family members in time of need, but also nobody wants to be taken advantage of or be a pushover. Learning to say no at times is part of living here I guess, and living with that is something to work on. Creative ways to say no can be devised to make the no less bitter.