Momma's Boy

[bigpearl]

7 hours ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

I don't have a hard time believing it... I just choose not to take part in it.  It is their culture - not mine.  If I were to give money to anyone to take of, it would be my own kids.  I did, when they were young. Now my kids are grown and starting families of their own. If the kids here are not taught self sufficiency and pride (self pride, not the stupid nationalistic pride) I fall back on one of my regular sayings "not my fault, not my problem".  They were poor when I got here and will be poor after I am gone.  

Yep, they sure will if you are vigilant, we see it and not trying to change the OP's topic but I personally see little difference with help to my lazy Aussie children and ex wife at xyz cost or help with Bengie's family at xyz cost, we all know where it is cheaper. From another post, the NO word eventually works, kicking myself for not telling my Aussie flesh and blood that 5 plus years ago, learnt and acting all around. Mamas boy works, users and loafers don't. Living in Ph. as most have done I also see the family ties and conveniences of sharing the love no matter what and perhaps some lessons even if small to be learnt no matter the country. Mamas boy or no. Family dynamics, who are we to judge? Choices. Politics, religion gainfully employed or unemployed, up to the family and individual.

Cheers, Steve.

[Queenie O.]

1 hour ago, bigpearl said:

 

 

1 hour ago, bigpearl said:

Should/could we consider that as foreigners within another country (such as myself) that we may also need to correctly learn the culture and norms especially considering that most of us are a one off item introduced to our partners family and accepted and loved, or not, (and not a family, a singular person thrown into a different way of thinking) they never had to deal with an Aussie before, (poor buxxers) never met one, they change and accept as I do, I like all readers see the family dynamics in Asian countries, very alien to western norms, mamas boys in Italy, a Western European country is common, Italian friends in Oz can be no different and frequently occurs. Works or appears to.

Thanks Steve for the comment. No new soul searching on my part really, just an understanding over time what seems to work for our situation with our family.

 I think I understand and agree with what you say about when one combines cultures through marriage or partners/SO there is a new relationship and blending of worlds that happens, blood relatives or not. What happens in the west should be really be a deciding factor either I think, in how one reacts to how things are done culturally here. I can see not wanting to help a shiftless Filipino family member, but it would seem hard I think to reconcile not giving some amount of help to some deserving family members in time of need. Yes they were poor before but because of the fortunate and happy union of couple, out of that comes some modicum of onus and help/ understanding I would think. That's why a discussion between partners early on helps to figure out where each other is coming from and figuring out a mutual understanding if possible before family issues surface. Just my take on it, and everyone sees things from different perspectives I guess.

If the quality of life overall goes up over time for my husband's family (which is now my family too) because of us, I'd like to think that that was a good thing, as long as it happens in a fair way and nobody gets taken advantage of. 

Edited August 10, 2017 by Queenie O.

[Jack Peterson]

7 minutes ago, Queenie O. said:

, I'd like to think that that was a good thing, as long as it happens in a fair way and nobody gets taken advantage of. 

[Queenie O.]

2 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

I observe Jack from many of your past posts, that in spite of your aggravation and frustration at times with you wife's family, that you have been a help to them. Do you see where I'm coming from in my comment?

[Jack Peterson]

7 minutes ago, Queenie O. said:

I observe Jack from many of your past posts, that in spite of your aggravation and frustration at times with you wife's family, that you have been a help to them. Do you see where I'm coming from in my comment?

 I most certainly do but it is not the answer we must take a stand and say NO at times, Too many times we make the excuses and they are not listened too or in fact, when we do say yes the situation is not always adhered to Enough is Enough in many cases

Edited August 10, 2017 by Jack Peterson

[stevewool]

We all like to rant and rave about the lazy buggers and they are asking for this and that and I must admit I have done my fair share of complaining.

Like many have mentioned talking together between you and your partner must come first, then try to get the rest of the family involvement, but it's down to you to have the last say.

Will it be " ok then and this is the last time we help" or could it be say " never again " and maybe lost your partner for good. A tuff choice for tough men.

[Kuya John]

Momma's boy's?

I feel there is a difference between Western and Asian stay at home's

In Europe right now we have a situation were young people are struggling to get a foot on the property ladder, also because of this, rented property is expensive.

I personally feel very sorry for young people right now, less advantaged than in my day.

However, not in all cases, staying with parents is the only option for those less educated in lower paid jobs.

There is also the fact that quite a large number of young people are looking after sick parents, even while still at school!

If we look at the Asian population in UK, they certainly feel an obligation to look after their elderly parent's or grandparents.

Philippines is a country were it is a way of life, to care for siblings or parents, OSW are expected to send or provide money to help.

I was lead to believe that after a certain age, without qualification's, it is very hard to find work in Philippines, is this true?

Edited August 10, 2017 by Kuya John

[Reboot]

Great thread. Coming from a somewhat different culture myself, I have to say that it depends . In N. American culture, it's the nuclear family that's the standard. Father mother children. Kids move out when they grow up, marry, and start their own nuclear households.

In some cultures, extended families in one home are more common and even expected. In my family's culture, it's more common for one daughter to stay with the parents, (or for them to move in with her) and her husband and children too.

Boys usually leave though, but not always.

Edited August 10, 2017 by Reboot

[JJReyes]

You can provide family members financial assistance if you want, but they can't force you. Explain that this is against your religion, your background, your government policy (family gifts are not tax deductible). I don't, so they don't bother me. 

Avoid trying to change the system. It's too late with your SO and her family. It is what it is. To remain compose and calm, be a keen observer without becoming involved. The participation or sense of obligation to give is what causes the rants and high blood pressure.

[robert k]

7 hours ago, Kuya John said:

 

I was lead to believe that after a certain age, without qualification's, it is very hard to find work in Philippines, is this true?

I think this is mainly about shop girls. Nobody cares how old their laundry person, carpenter, bricklayer and so on is, only concern is if they can do the job or not. Fast food is also full of fresh young faces and I think it is partly presentation, having an attractive person interacting with the public but also low wages.

If you are talking about employers not wanting to train someone over 25-30 I see the point, I wouldn't want to train them either unless they convinced me they had reached a high level of competence in another field and are just changing fields. A 30 year old blank slate? I'd hire the next person.

Edited August 10, 2017 by robert k