Holding a grudge

[stevewool]

Now Emma cannot hold a grudge against anyone for very long but she has stopped being a friend to someone on facebook just the once and now we have been told this person holds a grudge against her.

Who could this person be and who has told Emma too about this, well the person who has the grudge is her brother in law, and the person who told her was his wife or put it another way her sister.

What could have caused all this you may ask and could it turn nasty.

Many may know about the trouble that has happened since i came into the family and with speaking my mind about not borrowing money or giving free cash to many members and then Emma being ignored by the sisters because of me being so tight, and then the said bloke telling Emma to not ask her sister for help to share her brothers medical fees and because she is married to me we should pay for everything, well when Emma pointed out about the house we built  for there father after they bailed out and other things , well he did not like it.

So yesterday Emma told me what her sister told her, i was a little angry at first , but as Emma said all i did was tell him the truth and that he has never done anything for our family at all.

Somehow i just cannot get my head around the sisters part in all this, is she frightened of her husband  and dare not say anything , or is she like her husband and thinks because we dont have any children we should pay for everything that may be needed.

Jealousy springs to mind in such a short time Emma has gone from having little in her life and being alone to having most things she wants, she works hard and she likes nice things, but she is always there for her father and the family, but its me who has slowed  the family thing with sending cash.

So this grudge thing do i just ignore it and just let it be, or speak my mind, by the way i do not talk to the BiL not because i hold a grudge but because he is a lazy git and a arsehole and i dont want people in my life like that.

[softail]

If you speak your mind things will just escalate, he will then get pissed and say things to which you will feel the need to address and so on.  Could get out of control, just leave it alone.

[Old55]

It costs you nothing to stay quiet Steve. Ignoring the person removes any affect the so called grudge may have on you or Emma. Be the better person don't play their game. 

Keep in mind you both will be living there soon.

Edited October 26, 2017 by Old55

[mogo51]

There is a good saying I l ike very much Steve = 'What you think of me, is none of my business.'

Your other option, particularly if you ever move to Philippines, is not have anything to do with the family, as they appear to be a problem you don't need when retired.

[Dave Hounddriver]

6 hours ago, stevewool said:

So this grudge thing do i just ignore it and just let it be, or speak my mind

In many Philippine families there is the one lazy bugger who has a loud mouth, drinks too much and hits his wife.  From the way you describe him, he sounds like he may be the one in your family.  Should you speak up then she may get another whack.  Remaining silent is the Philippine way.

[Clermont]

Yes Steve, stay quiet on the outside and that saying Mogo said rings true, if we all want to be honest we've got one or more in our families as we read. Put the stiff upper lip out and show him his thoughts doesn't faze you or Ema, maybe send him a picture of this bloke.  

[Snowy79]

Unless the guy is living under your roof I'd put it down to jealousy and ignore him. It's not worth your while expending any energy on him, there's billions of people in the World so ignoring one won't leave you with no friends. 

[Lou49]

Try and live a few islands away.

[sonjack2847]

1 hour ago, mogo51 said:

There is a good saying I l ike very much Steve = 'What you think of me, is none of my business.'

Your other option, particularly if you ever move to Philippines, is not have anything to do with the family, as they appear to be a problem you don't need when retired.

Yep that is so true if they are a problem now what would it be like when you are here.Move mate don`t go near them.

[Queenie O.]

Petty gossip among families, friends neighbors  is a very common occurrence here for many it seems. Old grudges surface from time to time, and are not often resolved.  In the Western world many times  if a person has a difference or disagreement or if a person feels slighted or hurt in some way, they will speak directly and frankly  to that person to try to come to some mutual understanding or to iron things out. It doesn't always work, but clearing the air helps people at least it seems and it's a way of moving on from an issue.  In the Philippines for many folks, gossip behind the  person in question's back, and spreading a real or untrue story about someone is a way of sanctioning a person without having to face them and deal with realities that they might have some guilt or part in. If that gossip gets back to the person, they will no longer feel so responsible because it has been hashed over by so many other people already.

I even see my husband sometimes get involved with gossip in the family/old neighborhood now while living here now,  it is so firmly ingrained in the culture, and such a national pastime for many it seems. People forget though, that when they walk away, they are now fodder for the next grudge or jealousy, sour grapes driven gossip, be it true or not.

Steve--Best to just let it roll off and not add to it.