Civility as an expat dealing with Filipinos

[Balisidar]

2 hours ago, Jim Sibbick said:

I personally think it is braking down in the television age.  I call it the television age because on my first visit to Palompon Leyte in 1994, they had TV in the park at night. Hundreds of people gathering around a single TV. Tv was rare then and exposure to other cultures was rare. Now in the Philippines, every one has TV at home. And everyone is exposed to other cultures on TV. So now, despite the heat,  you have young men and teenagers wearing beanies and hoodies because that is what their TV heros wear.

For myself, I have not always followed this but now try very hard to. Treat ALL Filipinos with respect ALL of the time. It makes life in the Philippines go smoother.

I'd take that even further Jim, treat Everyone with respect all the time.  Makes life much better.

And Dave...nice way to build up some good Karma! 

[intrepid]

On 5/30/2018 at 7:43 PM, Queenie O. said:

Sometimes when people push ahead in a line that bothers me, but sometimes when you're waiting to be waited on in a shop, and someone is more aggressive, and the clerk will sometimes address their purchase first. The lack of "please and thank you" is a real issue here for me, among some adults and children too.

I would not say it is easy to blame the younger ones. It is the parents and adults around them that has not taught them correctly.  I sure was never allowed to wear a hat indoors. Although not the same, still goes to manners that are either taught or not these days.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

On 5/31/2018 at 6:58 AM, Queenie O. said:

Having seen a different side  in his experience,  it's at times even more frustrating to view his own culture's lack of manners and civility.

A lot of things get incorrectly called their "culture"... but I get the impression that "please" and "thank you" are simply not part of the culture here.  I rarely see it.  Not just with me, but with anyone.  Between store clerks and customers there is no communication, no 'good day', 'thank you', nothing.  It is very odd to me.  I talk to the cashiers. I thank them for helping me. I thank them when they give my purchase, or change. A security guard opens the door for me I say "thank you sir" (or ma'am).  They all seem confused ha ha

[Queenie O.]

9 hours ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

A lot of things get incorrectly called their "culture"... but I get the impression that "please" and "thank you" are simply not part of the culture here.  I rarely see it.  Not just with me, but with anyone.  Between store clerks and customers there is no communication, no 'good day', 'thank you', nothing.  It is very odd to me.  I talk to the cashiers. I thank them for helping me. I thank them when they give my purchase, or change. A security guard opens the door for me I say "thank you sir" (or ma'am).  They all seem confused ha ha

I agree Tim it's rather hit or miss. I still do see thank you offered up by some folks more often than please, so you're right about that. Whenever I speak Cebuano when purchasing something in the local market or even in a store at the mall, I always use "palihog." (please) It usually elicits  a singsong mimic back to me or a little giggle. I just always say it though, because it's what I naturally would say.:) The same as what you're drawn to do to.

[Queenie O.]

11 hours ago, intrepid said:

I would not say it is easy to blame the younger ones. It is the parents and adults around them that has not taught them correctly.  I sure was never allowed to wear a hat indoors. Although not the same, still goes to manners that are either taught or not these days.

Granted Intrepid, manners should start at home, but I often wonder if any etiquette or simple life skills are taught in the schools here to help fill in the gaps. As a previous kinder and preschool teacher, I  as would be the usual, would emphasize simple manners and kindness/civility to the children in my care.

My sister-in-law is a long time teacher/principal here in town, and although, very well liked, she has poor etiquette and manners in my observation. I guess it's possible that it's just not emphasized in the school, along with things like "look both ways before you cross the street"   Then you might tend to have a generation of parents that were possibly not taught those types of things either. 

[scott h]

9 hours ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

but I get the impression that "please" and "thank you" are simply not part of the culture here

There is a word for please, but as you say it is never used. In almost 6 years of buying pan de sal, I have never heard a person say "viente paksukup". Now if my big American but is in someone's way they will say excuse me,,,,,,,in English, but just push past the next person without a word. In the larger malls, I notice that the sales help greets EVERYONE, but I am the only one that returns the greeting, locals just treat them like furniture (including my wife who spent 20 years in the states). 

But it is not limited to the Philippines, I remember being pushed out of the way by an old woman one time in Japan, and I thought how rude 

Just one of those things we have to get used to or go nuts 

[Tukaram (Tim)]

1 hour ago, scott h said:

But it is not limited to the Philippines, I remember being pushed out of the way by an old woman one time in Japan, and I thought how rude 

I used to cook at an Indian restaurant... try going to the temple with old Indian ladies.  No one can knock you out of the way like they do. I use their teachings to get on jeepneys!  ha ha

[Capa]

My mom always would tell me that there is nothing good going on after midnight that could not wait till the next day. I have basically taken that and followed it most of my life. I am hardly ever out at night anyway. Family comes first and there is nothing in the bar that would resemble anything of family values. So we stay at home and enjoy our evenings together. Although you do need to keep alert at all times, there is nothing more than you would see in any other country that would cause me to stress over my safety in the Philippines. Stay alert, stay alive!

[Dave Hounddriver]

5 minutes ago, Capa said:

My mom always would tell me that there is nothing good going on after midnight that could not wait till the next day.

After midnight it IS the next day 

[Capa]

16 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

After midnight it IS the next day 

LOL good observation, Dave!

Edited July 6, 2018 by Capa
But I do not have the heart to phone my dear old mom and correct her!