PeterC Posted May 20, 2018 Posted May 20, 2018 We retire to the Philippines for the warm weather, economical living and to be with our Filipino partner. Following the new home build and purchase of new car we start to look round for something to do. Luckily for some of us that’s not a problem, however what is a problem is not having our own species to mix with for more meaningful conversations. Whatever our backgrounds, it means so much to chat with our own nationality whatever the subject. I’m from the UK and although enjoy meeting up with other nationalities, find the conversation dries up after a while. Following 10 years here I began to have strange feelings about general life that were no bother in the early years, the stares and isolation in the market place even when meeting the wife’s friends. Day to day life conjured up arguments and issues that the next day seemed unimportant. I am a fisherman and found a Freshwater resort near Angeles in Pampanga where many Westerners abound. I paid a visit and after only a couple of days returned home a new man! The problem was that the Angeles area is home to a thriving Red Light area and my visit primarily to mix with my own races was seen as a chance to be a customer of the many Girlie bars and has caused domestic strife not understood by my Filipino spouse.. I would sincerely recommend that new retirees here choose a place where they have their own races close by and establish from the very start a night out with men friends. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softail Posted May 20, 2018 Posted May 20, 2018 I see you are located in Laguna. I am considering moving to Santa Rosa near the large mall and S and R ,I can’t remember the name at the moment. I get the impression that there is a fairly large community of expats in the area, what are your thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterC Posted May 20, 2018 Author Posted May 20, 2018 The S and R store is like home from home with lots of imported stuff to enjoy but take care with your budget because the prices reflect the expense of shipping. We sometimes make a purchase as a treat haha. Santa Rosa is an expanding housing area with shopping malls as meeting places and is rapidly expanding. One hour from there to Manila can be an attraction. I'd be inclined to have a few weeks there and test the waters. Tagaytay is a similar place that can be chilly in winter and a/c in you car to clear the condensation can be downright uncomfortable. We had a friend from the UK who had a business with taxi repair in London and was quite wealthy. The built a beautiful hotel close to Lemery by the sea and did business for parties etc. Once a week he'd have his driver take him to the expat group meeting in Tagaytay where he'd have a few beers at a bar, other wise he said "I'd go mad!" Sadly he passed away due to non stop smoking ..... left a lovely wife and gorgeous daughter. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooster Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 (edited) 19 hours ago, PeterC said: The problem was that the Angeles area is home to a thriving Red Light area and my visit primarily to mix with my own races was seen as a chance to be a customer of the many Girlie bars and has caused domestic strife not understood by my Filipino spouse.. I would sincerely recommend that new retirees here choose a place where they have their own races close by and establish from the very start a night out with men friends. Depends. I could write many terrible experiences about hanging out with Expats here and some good experiences. In one organization that I won't mention, they sit around like old ladies, same group everyday drinking talking stories. When anyone of them departs, they talk bad about him, his wife or girlfriend. The next day welcome each other with open arms. Then they complain to each other how they hate it here. I would suggest newbies who want to retire here and seek a partner make a list of what they want in a location and a partner and what they are not willing to tolerate, live with them before making a commitment. It's very easy to be selective here because there are many islands, millions of available single women. Examples like: - No Under the Saya treatment, likes to hike, travel, speaks excellent English, has a college degree, enjoys riding a motorcycle, does not smoke, etc. etc. Domestic strife you mentioned could be a case of "Under the Saya" which is a terrible thing to do to another human in denying a man his basic right to go to girlie bars, drink beer and mingle with fellow countrymen. https://developmentjournalism.wordpress.com/2011/07/27/under-de-saya/ The term under de saya is a slang Filipinos use to describe men who fear women especially those closely related to them, like their mothers or spouses. They follow the orders of their sex counterpart almost instantly without objection. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they tremble in fear. It could probably be just a sign of deep respect. Filipinos laugh at men who are under de saya since it is a sign of inferiority. Edited May 21, 2018 by Rooster 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Peterson Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 3 hours ago, Rooster said: Filipinos laugh at men who are under de saya since it is a sign of inferiority. Yet the Majority are, They just won't/can't admit it But I see it every day around my area, We are in a Matriarchal Country 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Hounddriver Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 52 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said: But I see it every day around my area, We are in a Matriarchal Country Not me! I don't follow the orders of my lady! (Unless she asks nicely ) 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Peterson Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 4 hours ago, Rooster said: Filipinos laugh at men who are under de saya since it is a sign of inferiority. 7 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said: Not me! I don't follow the orders of my lady! (Unless she asks nicely ) I said you had Turned into a native 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lobojohn Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 i didnt come here to live in some gated community surrounded by complaining back stabbing westerners. i never mixed with the boys at home so why here? except for joining this forum i dont join anything.. i had an almost American friend for a while that was the fake husband of my wifes best friend. fake , because hes already married to another pinay and fake because he is just always full of shit. hes trying to live like a king on less than a $1000 a month and ive given him a nice old ref that i restored and even sold him a nice old nissan dirt cheap. hes a fine mechanic , but he wont help anyone . weve had them at our home numerous times and fed them all the things they love to eat. they bring half of his wifes family and tear the place up. kids punch out my screen doors. ive replaced the bidet twice after theyve left. we took them to lunch and all he did was whine and complain that he wanted McDonalds. i asked him to replace my brake shoes on my pajero and he flat out said no. ive loaned the guy money to pay his damned bills after hes gone out shopping and spent his last peso WTF? what the hell do i want any western friends for. hahahahaha i told my wife to tell her friend never never never again and haven't seen them since. i heard he was crying like a damned baby. funny. IM A RECLUSE AND IM PRETTY HAPPY WITH THAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterC Posted May 21, 2018 Author Posted May 21, 2018 There are good and bad amongst all expats but without any contact what so ever you find yourself with a strange feeling....homesickness or depression don't what it is really, you just feel "Fed Up ". Perhaps expat friends are more acquaintances than friends and hoping to single out a special one one day is what you are hoping for. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jollygoodfellow Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 1 hour ago, lobojohn said: i didnt come here to live in some gated community surrounded by complaining back stabbing westerners. i never mixed with the boys at home so why here? except for joining this forum i dont join anything.. i had an almost American friend for a while that was the fake husband of my wifes best friend. fake , because hes already married to another pinay and fake because he is just always full of shit. hes trying to live like a king on less than a $1000 a month and ive given him a nice old ref that i restored and even sold him a nice old nissan dirt cheap. hes a fine mechanic , but he wont help anyone . weve had them at our home numerous times and fed them all the things they love to eat. they bring half of his wifes family and tear the place up. kids punch out my screen doors. ive replaced the bidet twice after theyve left. we took them to lunch and all he did was whine and complain that he wanted McDonalds. i asked him to replace my brake shoes on my pajero and he flat out said no. ive loaned the guy money to pay his damned bills after hes gone out shopping and spent his last peso WTF? what the hell do i want any western friends for. hahahahaha i told my wife to tell her friend never never never again and haven't seen them since. i heard he was crying like a damned baby. funny. IM A RECLUSE AND IM PRETTY HAPPY WITH THAT Yes well if you never mixed before then no point changing. Not all western expats are as you describe.There are a lot of damn good guys here but if you are unfortunate to befriend the wrong one then obvious thats how you see all. Just wondering how you let the friendship go so far if the guy was so bad in the first place? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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