I am a strong-willed and passionate woman who doesn’t let anything affect my. I go through life sliding though all sorts of problems. Heartaches. Failed, dysfunctional relationships. Disappointments. Mistakes. Yet, you still see me with a glistening smile going about my day, like nothing ever happened.
I am a woman who instantly cheers you up with my beautiful smile. The girl who brightens up your day and seems like H have an infinite amount of love for everything around me. A woman who carries the burden of this world yet looks like I haven’t got a single care on my mind. People look at me and think I have it all. I got my life together. Because I am strong and successful. But little do they know, that’s exactly what I decided to display of me. Yes, I appear to have a rock-solid heart and an I-can-do-it- attitude, but that’s the side of me which I allow others to see.
" I seem like unbreakable, but not a single person knows what it feels like inside my heart. And nobody would ever be able to endure the pain I am carrying inside.
They see me during the day, all dressed up with my lovely promising smile when I have the energy to pretend. But no one knows how I look and how I feel at night when after a long day of struggling to get it together, I finally lay on my bed and the nightmares start to unravel.
Because I will never let anyone catch me in my vulnerability.
I will always be there to lift your spirits when you’re feeling blue, but when I feel the painful urge to cry my heart out, I will just swallow my tears away until I have the chance to immerse in my solitude and let my pain flow.
Whenever the world is coming too hard on me, and I am on the verge of a damn breakdown, I deal with it by myself. I prefer to suffer in silence, because I am too afraid to show my flaws to the cruel, vile world. I am too afraid to undress my soul naked and reveal it to others.
People describe me as the loudest and the most cheerful girl. They consider my as their ray of sunshine. The vibrant one. The ultimate problem-solver. They all come to my begging for solid advice about their issues.
Because I am always the one who knows what to do. They expect me to always have my sh*t together. Because nothing in life can break me. And I just nod and offer the much-needed consolation about their first-world problems, even though I just want to scream from the bottom of my lungs and tell them they don’t even have a clue what real problems really are. But, I stop my urges and just listens. I understand, and I try to be a good friend.
After all, “ none of my issues should be their concerns”, I say to myself.
And the second I come home, all of the insecurities, fears, and inner demons come out to torture me. As much as I prefer to be left alone, I hate those melancholic, midnight hours. Because that’s when they come to attack me.
Even though my shining armor appears to be indestructible, my harmful emotions put me down and destroy me.
My insecurities meddle with my confidence, my fears kill the last hopes for finding happiness and my demons make me feel worthless. Useless. A nobody.
But what I don’t realize is that I am indeed strong. I am powerful. And I am brave as hell!
I am struggling, but every day I decided to just move forward. In spite of the sorrow. In spite of the intense heartache.
After everything, I still find a way to get myself up in the morning, dig up the last bit of hope and smile through the pain.
I am strong because I manage to survive the cruelty of this world and still stand on my own feet.
And that requires a great deal of courage." (credits to Stephanie Reeds)