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About donottrustfilipinas

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  1. Some are not reading my posts completely. I am NOT saying that ALL Filipinas are gold diggers or scam artists. If you go to the Philippines, live there, and then meet a Filipina through a friend, at church, lives next door (whatever), and you date her long enough to get to KNOW her through and through, then you are marrying for the right reasons. However, I DO believe that if you meet a Filipina online, get to know her through only emails/online chats and a short get together in the Philippines, then you stand a high degree that the Filipina doesn't really love you for who you ARE as she has NOT spent enough time with you ONE-ON-ONE to know that. Just as you don't really know her EITHER as you both have written and said what each wanted to hear in endless emails and chats. It is a wholly different matter when both have fights and learn how they resolve them (or not resolve them as the case may be). When the woman I was going to marry for a second time began backing out of the marriage with only a few weeks to go, I couldn't get her on the phone/email at all. If I had been there in the Philippines, I certainly could have seen and I would have learned a lot sooner instead of just three days before I was to fly there with my mother and daughter. So for the expats here that went to the Philippines and found a bride there and are continuing do live their retirement years there, bully for you! Or maybe you found a bride in the States and been married so many years that you do have a sound marriage and love is assured till the end of time and the two of you have decided to spend the retirement years living well in the Philippines. But if you are a guy who has been on these Filipina dating websites and finding so many women interested in you that it seem to be a veritable candyland, don't believe it. Don't be fooled by the fact that on the second or third time chatting with her that she is calling you "Sweetie" or "Darling" that she has developed feelings for you. I think many Filipinas just do this to guys whomever they are soon after meeting them. But it gives a false sense to the westerner (it did to me but I know, I know, not to YOU as you're too damn smart for your own good) that these women have feelings for him and it's possible to develop feelings for her as well not realizing those on her part aren't really true. If you are a guy that starts emailing and chatting with one of these Filipinas day in and day out and believe that since she is spending so much time corresponding/talking to you, that she must have real honest-to-goodness feelings for you -- STOP -- get a reality check. Remember what it is possible that you represent to her. A way out of poverty. A way out of the Philippines. A way out of the boring provincial life she may be in. A way out from family or work problems. A way to have children that will a better chance in life. If she has children, a way to have a husband when it's very difficult to do so if she had them out of wedlock in the Philippines. Do you think you're the best thing sliced bread that this online Filipina has latched onto you? Do you not realize the investment of time and effort on her part may play out to rich rewards? Let me stop here and say -- NOT ALL FILIPINAS ONLINE ARE LIKE THIS -- but differentiating between those that are and those that aren't is basically a game of Russian roulette. In my case, I got shot three times. But maybe your luck will be, or was, better than mine. Thankfully, I have met a wonderful woman locally and we have a good thing going -- I will NEVER EVER trust any foreign national online that is living an impoverished life as I won't be going to any of those dating websites for Filipinas or other nationalities as they will smile and lie very convincingly to get towards the goal if their goal is anything other than true love.
  2. Well, I will say that it was never my intent to sweep all Filipinas under the rug except those willing to marry so easily to someone they've met, westerner or otherwise, when it is likely there is an ulterior motive. I made sure to couch the times that I mentioned Filipinas with the phrase (and other nationalities) so that I wasn't only pouncing on those of Filipina descent. It has been remarked that Chinese and Russians are also targeting westerners for marriage and do a good job of it online. This is true but the number of Filipinas are significantly greater than those of other nationalities. Why is this so? In my humble opinion, it is simply because Filipinas can speak English better than their Chinese and Russian counterparts. It is true that you can and should never accuse an entire group of being one way as everyone is unique and has come from different backgrounds. But my argument still stands whether those reading agree with me or not. For the most part, Filipinas that choose to go online and marry a man that they hardly know except by email/online chats and one or two brief meetups are either desperate for marriage or have a desire strong for a better life materialistically and are willing to take the chance with a man they hardly know. Unfortunately, for some, they marry a man that ends up treating them terribly or worse. In my case, I was the good husband, believe it or not, that attempted to keep the family together. That attempted a second marriage with a Filipina as I found her smart, charming, and what I thought would be good for my daughter as her own mother wasn't being involved in her life as much as she needed and I thought it would be easier for her if her stepmother was also a Filipina. She would still get to learn about her heritage. In the long run, I realize now I was attempting to marry the second women not of love as I had thought but out of a desire to have my daughter have a mother in her life. Naively, I thought this would work and she would be happy. Instead, when the second woman backed out at the last minute because she knew she was pregnant with another man's baby, she hurt my daughter more than I ever realized could happen. For months my daughter kept saying that she was still going to come over here and be her stepmother. Of course, it never happened. But I take full responsibility that I was foolish enough to attempt to get involved with another woman, albeit Filipina, from abroad a second time.
  3. Hello all yet again, Viewpoints not your own -- meant that you are reading viewpoints that are not your own and written by someone else. It would be unrealistic to continue the fallacy that Filipinas ALWAYS make great loving wives for EVERYONE and all men should run out and get one, post haste. I meant that meeting them online is the worst way of meeting a woman from abroad and that is far better if they end up living in the same area for an extended period of time so that her true character (as well as that of the man) become evident and, in my case for example, don't get side-swiped by a Filipina having sex while engaged and getting pregnant with some Filipino guy who, thankfully, is smart enough not to marry her but the child is the one that will suffer the most as he or she will not have an active father in his or her life. A generalization can be made when it becomes apparent above that of other cultures worldwide. Go to any of the dating websites that have profiles of those currently in third world nations and you will see that the majority of them are Filipina. So yes, Filipinas are, in droves, attempting to find foreign husbands much more so than those of other third world nations. Another sad commentary is that the majority of the women on asian sex cam sites are also Filipinas. Actually, when it comes to understanding different cultures, I have experience beyond that of just Japan and the Philippines. I have done a lot of world travel for the government and it has taken me to a lot of places I'd never thought I would go. Thankful that I've been able to see the wonderful people of Haiti, whom despite their poverty, live life upbeat and they don't seem to be searching for foreign husbands. Successful relationships? Yes, I have had some but I'm in no way someone who will lie and say I've had relationships all my adult life. I'm currently seeing someone and will we see where that goes. She's local, Chinese-American (grew up here), and she is thoughtful and kind. I am being accused of racism by good old Bob here. Do I hate Filipinos? No. There are many good Filipinos out there and they have contributed greatly to society and to the world. A great many Filipinos study medicine and dentistry here in the States and then return to the Philippines to make only one-tenth of what their counterparts in America make. But I will argue that Filipinas that go online and agree to marry a foreigner after having met him once or twice on a short trip, are not truly in love with the man they are agreeing to marry and neither is the man (although both may believe that they are -- I deluded myself into believing I was in love with my ex-wife and that of the second to whom I was engaged). In that small way, some may consider me racist against Philippine women as I do not trust what they will say to men online and when the man visits them for a short period of time. It is not unlike the hostess girls of bars where they will say anything to the man to keep him happy as long as he continues to buy beers for himself and them. There is an ulterior motive in many (but not all) instances. For the record, I never got to any of these bars with hostess girls as I was always with the Filipina (my ex or second to whom I was engaged) and I'm not one for cheap, meaningless sex (believe it or not).
  4. Hello all, There seems to be those that think I'm simply trolling and trying to make Filipinas look bad. If you are going to have a forum in a democratic society, then viewpoints that are not your own will sometimes be expressed. Your experience and thoughts may differ but you should have the opinion that they should at least be expressed. But the moderator(s) of this forum are the ones in control and I defer to them and whatever they choose to do in regards to mine or anyone else's posts. Yes, some Filipinas can be wonderful wives -- I am not denying that. I only argue that meeting them (as well as other third world nationalities) as the worst possible way to get to know them. Some of you moved to the Philippines first and then met your future wife there. You had time to get to know their true character, their families, friends, and so on just as you would have had you met and married someone in the States (or whatever first world nation you are from). There lies the best road for a successful long-term relationship. I have admitted to stupidly being involved with Filipinas that I met online and stupidly trusted as I thought each was different and that a bad apple couldn't be picked from the tree yet again. I was wrong. What makes Filipino men so terrible that Filipinas must, in droves, search for a man elsewhere? Are these men womanizers, cheaters, heartless and cruel to their Filipina girlfriends and wives - driving them to seek out the gentle and loving western man? That seems to be the case if you get to talking to these Filipinas online! I think it's ludicrous to actually believe that. There are thousands of Filipino men that would make good husbands but many of them can't provide the lifestyle that Filipinas see on TV, in movies, and from the girl friend that married the "rich" westerner and is settled in a townhouse in the outskirts of Chicago and emailing about how nice it is with all the trees and that she loves driving the car her hubby bought for her and the driving lessons she's taking now. There is an amazing amount of teaching that has to go on with a Filipina (or other third world nationality) when they are brought over as a new wife to, in this case, the States. I know because I went through it with my ex-wife. It was like teaching a teenager. She had to learn to drive. She didn't understand about checking accounts. She had to relearn to the American concept of work and applying for a job as her resume was the Filipino way and job interviews are different (for the record, she wanted to work and I supported in her in what she wanted to do). I had to search the job listings for her as she had no idea if a job listing that she liked was going to be nearby or not. I had to write the cover letters to employers so that her "Filipino English" didn't show up and ruin her chances for an interview. The supermarket was different for her as well as the idea of using coupons. I had to explain the whole thing about products in the supermarket having USE BY, SELL BY, BEST IF USED BY, and other markings so that she understood that milk, for example, didn't have to be thrown away by the SELL BY date as she was doing at first. She was afraid to walk on the residential streets (it was a safe neighborhood) because it had so few people walking during the daytime -- compared to the streets in the Philippines where it would have dozens, if not more, at any time. So if any man chooses, as I did, to meet and marry a Filipina online, and bring her to his country to live, is indeed very much a crap shoot. Maybe she will turn out to be a good woman after finally being able to do what other adult women already in the U.S are capable or maybe she will turn out as a beautiful woman that really cares not for him but what he has given her in terms of his income and assets and a much better lifestyle than to which she was accustomed.
  5. I had written a long post but because I had included a hyperlink to wikipedia page, I'm guessing that the page was not uploaded as there must a rule against inserting links to outside websites. Oh well, I was trying to respond to a number of posts. Recently, I did a test of a Filipina dating website and uploaded a profile of myself and was honest about my looks, my life, etc. This was not done this time with the intent of looking for a Filipina but rather to show how QUICKLY Filipinas JUMP on someone NEW on the site. In the course over just over an hour, I had twelve women showing interest and some writing emails. Wow, I must be quite something! NOT! I'm no different from any ordinary guy although I'm a bit shorter and bit overweight but that has no bearing on these Filipinas! Oddly, I don't have this type of result on women in the States on dating websites. Hmmm, I wonder what makes me so incredibly appealing to Filipinas then? Someone out there tell me! Just based on my sad experiences, I feel justified in saying Filipinas can't be trusted. Perhaps you have a good one but from my perspective, these older guys are basically walking "retirement policies" for these "ladies" that supposedly have given their hearts to them. Once he kicks the bucket in his seventies/eighties (ideally earlier), she'll still be young enough (in her mind) to do what she wants with the inheritance and other assets. Perhaps it will be to help the grandchildren of her brothers/sisters still back in the Philippines to help them through college or start a business. Or maybe she just wants the assurance she'll never go back to being poor as she was in the province from which she came. There's no real statistics on how long most Filipina/Westerner marriages last other than those that post about how badly or how well their marriages have gone. Personally, I'm of the opinion (no facts to back it up) that most of these marriages are doomed to failure unless there is really good communication and love between the two. Some on this forum have the rarity --- a successful marriage with a Filipina that has lasted long term and may actually have true love for both. I think though it's a LOT harder/rarer than marriage with someone that one has spent a lot of time with one-on-one and not through emails/online chats. You know her true character and how she really feels about you. I know this is a forum for expats in the Philippines and the reason I posted here is because men searching about relationships with Filipinas will stumble upon this site and they should know that getting involved with a Filipina online is one fraught with risks higher than normal for heartbreak and betrayal. Whenever one person in a relationship is not around the other for a majority of the time, you can't know what he or she is doing or how they really feel about you. I know what it's like to be an expat. I lived and worked in Japan for five years and had relationships with Japanese women there. The Japanese women there weren't desperate to leave Japan for a better life elsewhere. All that I dated had well-paying jobs, traveled abroad once or twice a year, and lived well in the city I lived in. I did not marry a Japanese woman because most did not share the same religious beliefs as I do -- Christian -- and I could not spend a lifetime with someone who didn't have a belief in God. Those that were Christian and Japanese, I found we had different plans in life and we didn't ever get to the point of ever thinking about getting married.
  6. @ Doug -- Thanks for sharing your experiences, bad as they were. You are right when you say it's pretty well a bad idea to consider marriage with someone you've only spent a scant amount of actual physical time with. I'm guilty of that with my ex-wife and with the second woman that I spent untold number of hours online with and corresponding by email. But I feel a LOT of men do that on these Filipina dating websites -- how many can realistically afford to travel back and forth to the Philippines to meet with women regularly? How many can take that much time away from their jobs? So it seems many men just take the leap of faith and hope it will work out. In the case of the woman that I was going to marry after divorcing my ex-wife, at the time I thought that I couldn't find another bad apple in the bunch. That my ex was an anomaly and that she was giving so much to me in terms of words and time and thoughtful touches (through the mail), I honestly thought those feelings were genuine. My mistake. I had rationalized that getting involved with another Filipina was a good thing as I wanted my daughter (half-Filipina) to grow up and know her cultural heritage. When she met Amy, my daughter thought the world of her. And it hurt her greatly when Amy backed out of marriage since she secretly knew she was pregnant by another man. Of course, I never told my daughter that but it has taken time for her to understand that it was nothing about her. This is the worst tragedy of all that -- how it affected her. And I know that it was my mistake for ever getting involved with her.
  7. By my member handle you already know I do NOT trust Filipinas that come from the Philippines (as opposed to those born in Western countries). Read on and you won't believe what I've been through. This will be long so no complaints about the length! THE CRAZY FILIPINA First, I found what I thought was a wonderful Filipina back before the days of internet dating (in the late '90s when there were just a few sites out there like Match and Cherry Blossoms was a magazine and you bought addresses for $5 each for a Filipina). As my work took me to the Philippines, I ended up meeting her there and, to make a long story short, I decided within two months to get married to her and came back to the U.S. and filed for a K1 Fiancee visa. This was mistake #1 on my part: Agreeing to marry someone I didn't know hardly at all. But we were both "supposedly" in love with each other but only later I came to find out I was being used. After she arrived in the States, her loving demeanor changed and she started complaining that she was sure that her boss at her job here in the States was listening in on our conversations at home with secret microphones and that they were monitoring her internet. This got worse as time went on (we were married for seven years -- mainly because we had a child early on and I felt it best to keep the family together and tried to get professional help for her). At one point, I found out that the real reason she married me was that she had been involved with a married Filipino and that her office mates had found out and she was plugged as the office adulteress. She later claimed she didn't know he was married. Okay, perhaps somehow possible as many Filipinos have to move to other cities for jobs. But her craziness got worse and worse and finally, at one point, we separated and, mind you, our child went with me and I have been the sole one raising her all these years. To this day she spend very little time with her and I have to make it supervised visits since she's still mentally not all there -- she's able to hold a job, have friends, and so on but she called up today, out of the blue, to ask me if I ever had tried to poison her while we were married since she's having so many medical problems these days! Ok, that was Filipina number one. Can you believe Filipina number two? I swore off Filipinas for awhile after separating/divorcing from my ex. But time passed and I got intrigued by these dating sites like FilipinoCupid and so on. Decided maybe I was wrong for writing off a whole race of good women based on the experiences of one. LED TO THE ALTAR BUT DIDN'T GET MARRIED The second Filipina was very intriguing -- she had already earned two Masters degrees and seemed amenable to the prospect of being a stepmother. We emailed/chatted for about eight months before I finally made the trip to the Philippines to meet with her over two weeks. And it was a great two weeks. Met her family, friends, and we all got along great. She was loving, kind, and so on. Came back from that trip and spent ANOTHER YEAR emailing/chatting, sending packages (chocolates and the like but not expensive stuff -- I was not going to be one of those mooched off by a Filipina by sending cash or Ipads!). After that year went by, I decided she was special enough and I loved her enough to ask her to marry me. So this time I flew back there with my daughter and mother with me so that they could meet her and give me their thoughts. My mother thought she was wonderful as did my daughter. I proposed to her in a special way as I knew her answer already (through family) would be yes. I arranged for a 25' foot long banner to be made that had a pink background with white letters that read, "Amy, Will You Marry Me? John". I gave that to her older brother with instructions to lay it out the next Saturday morning on top of a mountain near her home in Bohol. We were sightseeing in Cebu that Saturday when I surprised her and told her that she and I needed to go out somewhere, just us, for a bit. Turned out to be the airport where I had arranged for a private flight in a single engine plane. Told her we were going on a private sightseeing tour above Cebu but after we took off, the pilot took us up and over the Chocolate Hills of Bohol and, after some doing and worrying about running out of fuel, found the mountain top with the banner on it and I proposed and she accepted. Her family was atop the mountain and waving to us. We flew back to the airport where family and friends met us and we celebrated at a restaurant nearby. I returned from this trip and announced to friends back home that I was engaged and that we planned to be married the following year on the anniversary of the date I proposed. I wanted that time for us both to be sure as I knew that I hadn't actually spent that much physical time with her as opposed to time online and that time, a year, wouldn't be that long. She agreed. We planned the wedding and it was to be there in the Philippines as I felt that since it was her first wedding and my second, it was more important that she have her family and friends there as my family is few in number and none of them would be able to be here in the States if we had it here. About a month before my mother, daughter, and myself were to fly out there for the wedding, she suddenly became very quiet and wasn't speaking to me. I thought she was getting cold feet and had difficulty getting her on the phone or online. At one point, her best friend, who was to be her Maid of Honor, backed out and when I got her on the phone, she wouldn't explain why she was backing out. When I finally got Amy on the phone, she simply said, "I never really loved you -- you were just the American guy that everyone in my family wanted me to marry. I don't want to get married." This was three days before we were to fly there. So, basically, I was left at the altar. Some months later, I found out (through a cousin) that what had happened was that she had secretly having an affair with a Filipino guy while engaged to me. She became pregnant and when she found that out, she realized she couldn't get married to me. The Filipino guy at least was smarter than me and ended up refusing to marry her, so as far as I know, she's a single unwed mother. So, you would think I would learn my lesson after Filipino number two? Yes, you would think so! Some years went by and, on a non-Filipina dating website (think Match) I met a Filipina that AGAIN seemed different. Again I had sworn off Filipinas but this one was working professionally for the Fairmont Hotel in Singapore in their Marketing Department. She had a young daughter as well and we seemed to hit it off as we had some things in common. The difference was that she could get a travel visa to the States and could visit here rather than me flying over there. However, the problem was cash. Her sister in LA was willing to pony up one-third the cost but would I pony up the rest? Against my better judgement, I did. Both her sister and I paid for the tickets for her and her daughter on the phone at the same time so I know it went for that and they flew over about a month later. We had a great time getting to know each other and I thought things were fine and she and I began to actually talk about the crazy idea that she leave the job in Singapore and that we would try six months of living together as we (I thought) really wanted to spend more time together. As I have a pretty good job, I could afford that and we even enrolled her daughter in school here. She felt she could go back to Fairmont Hotel later on without much trouble (she was a model employee). I really believed her and all that she told me. However, after a month of being here (and having traveled to a few places for sightseeing) she suddenly turned on me one day and demanded that she and her daughter would be leaving and going to Manila (not Singapore) as she arranged to take a job with Fairmont there. I have now since concluded that I was taken in by the type of Filipina that preys upon westerners for trips abroad. She knew her sister would pay part of it and she got me hooked to pay the other two-thirds. Not to mention our traveling within the U.S. She had lied about staying her longer only to make me happy at the time but once her transfer for Manila was up (she had never really left the company, she had arranged for the transfer in advance), she had to leave and the only way to was get angry and say she was done with me and then leave in a huff. Well, good riddance. I don't need someone like her but angry at myself for falling victim for a THIRD TIME to a Filipina. What I have learned from all this? You simply cannot trust a Filipina (or any other nationality for that matter) when attempting to establish a loving relationship that will succeed. Filipinas, as well as those from other impoverished third world nations, are desperately seeking a way out from the economic difficulties they are faced with day to day. Try this: make up a profile of yourself on a Filipina dating website like FilipinoCupid. Note how many women show interest in you that are IN THE PHILIPPINES as opposed to those ALREADY IN THE U.S. I did this and found that I got over 1000+ women showing interest (and believe me, I'm in no way a catch at 5'5" and overweight) and very few Filipinas (under ten) that were interested in the course of one month. Believe me, on regular dating websites like Match, virtually NO GUY is going to get 1000+ interests shown in the course of a month! But this is because so many of the Filipinas in the Philippines will hit the LIKE button on any guy that looks remotely okay as they are playing the odds that one out of thousands will eventually fall for her and end up paying her way out of there. The Filipinas already in the U.S. have the coveted "green card" or been naturalized and so their bar is a lot higher for whom they would marry the second time around (after having abandoned/divorced the poor westerner who brought her over). She'll complain that he abused her or that he was simply not a good husband and so divorced him and she's free to marry again. What I've also learned is that you can't trust what Filipinas say. Remember, this is a country where women are often heard complaining that their men are womanizers/playboys and having mistresses right and left. So if the men are lying to their wives and girlfriends, it seems Filipinas are finding it easy to lie to their foreign boyfriends as all he knows is what he HEARS from her. He's not there day in and day out to see what she's doing everyday. Now, I'm sure there are those that will post and say that they've found the Filipina of their dreams and they've had a long, successful marriage and what-the-hell-am-I-talking-about. I'm talking about my experiences and that any westerner who is thinking of getting involved with a Filipina (or other foreign nationality) should realize that one of the experiences I have been through can happen to you no matter how darn wonderful she seems on the outside. I've resolved, thank God, to never again getting involved with someone abroad. There is too much risk and there are thousands of women here in the U.S. Granted, I will always love Asian women for how they look and act (I lived in Japan for five years too). But I will never be able to trust them after what I've been through. Besides, I've realized that, for me, I really do get along better with women that understand American humor -- some humor, like my puns or sarcastic wit, just fall on deaf ears with Filipinas! They only seem to get physical humor like the Three Stooges. I also realize I enjoy being with someone that can talk about different cultures and has experienced them. Too many Filipinas have never had the chance to get out of their own "backyard" to experience anything different. I've met Filipiinas that lived in Mindanao and had never been up to Manila, for example. Perhaps to Cebu but that was as far as they ever got. At least I'm not one of the westerners that was ever after some trophy wife -- so many guys, stupidly so, brag about how they bagged a wife who's 24 while he's in his forties or fifties! Do they really, really think that this young tart really wants to be pushing them around in a wheelchair when he's in his eighties and she's in her early fifties? The Filipinas I was involved with were my age or within seven years of it. I don't want to date someone who's a decade older than my daughter as I have little in common with her. Does she know what a cassette is? Knows what life was like before the internet? That she isn't crazy about Justin Bieber as is my daughter? Sorry for the long first post but I had to tell my story. For those of you that read through it, thank you. For those of you who think I'm completely wrong, bully for you -- at least you have a good experience -- wish I had that. For those of you who think I'm completely right, join the club! Now back to your forum already in progress...
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