I understand you Steve. It is not easy, but you have to find a way that is acceptable for both you and Emma. Sad to say, but it is VERY common in Philippines that there is one person or more, in the family that is just like your BIL and I don´t understand why, but the rest of the family usually to accept it .
I can help someone because they have a problem, sickness or similar things, but I will never give help to a person who is just lazy, period!! As far as I am conserned, this goes on just because people allow it. I had to work for my money and benefits and so will they have to do if they want it.
I have a sister in law who always complain about that she don´t have any money. I use to tell her, of course you don´t have any money, you are not working!!!
We will move later this year to my wifes house. It was built 15 years ago and we made the mistake of sending a blueprint to her father, and should make sure all was ok. When we arrived to see the house for the first time, I asked what happened to the plans we sent him? We got a reply, I had a better plan Now when we get there we will start renovating and rebuild the whole house, so we get it the way we want it. Her father was a good guy but he was like the typical pinoy, he wanted it his way, lol. He passed away a few years ago and since then the sis in law (the one with no money) and her family has stayed in the house. She will move out when we get there. She still hope that we will change our mind and let them stay together with us, but that wont happen. She know that and even her brothers have told her that. They will move back to her husbands house, where they lived before. They did ofcorse not pay any rent either, but had lots of ideas what we should fix and improve in the house. They remind me of your BIL, bad in cleaning and no maintanence when things break, but atleast they did not ask to get payed for the cleaning they do, lol.