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ekimswish

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ekimswish last won the day on November 23 2011

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About ekimswish

  • Birthday 01/25/1982

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    Regina, Saskatchewan
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    I'm a helluva guy that lived in several Asian countries for my twenties, partying, playing basketball, and raising a family. Now, in my thirties, I've bounced back to Canada where my Filipina wife and confusing number of children are following me.

    I used to have dreams; now I have drinks.

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  1. Hey Mike, Ouch, and some of us deserve that....he, he. Speaking for myself, I may be older but not necessarily wiser. Many of us have made more mistake than you have, simply because we have been on this planet earth much longer than you have my friend. Some of us will continue to make those same mistakes -- you can't teach an old billy goat new tricks. This forum is full of lessons learned, most recently coming from your predicament. I will not take any position of lecturing you or anybody else because I don't like your style of living. I've got my own closet to clear out. But it is good to know that we can discuss our dirty laundry here on this forum and not be slammed because of our vices, marital and financial issues and general outlook on life. I am truly glad that you are spending some time with us and really enjoy your intellect, written with style and finesse. Keep your head up, young grasshoppa! Respectfully -- uncle Jake Hey, it was meant as a compliment, lol. I imagine there are guys pulling their hair out in restraint of telling me horror stories from their first marriage or two.
  2. When I complain about my "tough" marriage, I keep in mind that I'm on my first one and a lot of you have been through a few. For what it's worth, maybe I'm just regretting my age :1 (103):
  3. The other problem I would comment on is that being young, working in the oilfield, it's a common problem to live not above your means, but at your maximum. I see it in almost all of my coworkers, because even when you have a poor month, you know that you have a few monster months coming up. It's tough to say "no," when you actually do have the money. While I'm spending all this money on the Philippines, my coworkers are spending it on every luxury rednecks in the prairies dream of. Their wives aren't much easier to deal with. I sometimes wish I had worked in a field with less pay for a year when the wife first got here, just so we would have been forced to spend responsibly. I'm not saying oilfield workers are the richest around, but it's the best most guys can do without an education. I, on the other hand, have an education, but it's in a field (journalism) that's pretty useless for making money. When we see these big checks, we got sloppy.
  4. I forgot to tell both my ex gf and my new told they DON'T want 150 - 200 sqm house* "because it's much to clean" :mocking: * (I aim at such size INSIDE, NOT of status reason, because I don't bother about such, but because I need office space at home, plus would like space inside during rain season.) The "material" thing I'm obsessed with is money, just because of the freedom it can afford me to go on vacation, hit up a lake, beach, go hiking, play basketball often, see my kids get a good education and be involved in lots of activities, buy my wife what she wants once in a while, to live in a good neighborhood where my kids won't see everything I saw, and so I can one day retire comfortably in the Philippines, maybe living off the crops and harvests. If I were single I would just be obsessed with the here and now. When I mention the material things my wife is obsessed with I must clarify that she's never had them. We've never had the money to get the boob job, nose surgery or buy the Luis Vuitton bags. After 7 years of marriage, she's getting tired of waiting, lol, but there was no point in her working when we had young kids and lived in Korea or Philippines. Now that we're in Canada and she finally got her work permit, the moment of truth is upon us as to whether she'll make the most of it and I picked a winner - no regrets - or if things continue as they have and we're both looking for an exit. I'm not looking for an exit now, but I know I couldn't continue past the kids growing up a bit if things stayed like this. Talk is cheap, so I don't put a lot of stalk in the negative things she says, figuring that when she's working her attitude will change. If I'm wrong, then it will officially be classified a regret due to cultural differences. I must say that a lot of the Filipinos who are smarter about things like money and the future are ones with a bit of Chinese in their background. It's like the difference between white-trash and recent immigrants in the West. One group takes things for granted, feeling entitled, and the other is driven by a hundred year struggle to get ahead.
  5. Sorry to say this but it seems you are on your own in this, just what sort of wife doesn't want to bring up kids she already has. ekimswish, I don't think your Health will hold out too long, the way you are carrying on, You have, according to " I am Bob", a very good, Philippine Embassy, in Canada, contacting them about advice on the childrens passports should be a route you must take. It may seem callous and hard, but I find this leaving the kids behind, just unacceptable, it makes life for the mother very easy, She is in Canada, and from what you say, living a damn good life but it sounds, as if she is work shy, despite what she tells you. Now we are getting the Full story it becomes obvious you need sit her down and do some serious talking. My Friend, You are as I said, Keeping 2 families going, You can't do that forever. Please, sit yourself down and give yourself a Good talking to. Obtaining passports for the Children is not going to be easy, where the Mother is not Present but Just for your information and not to be blinded by stories, it is the DFA that deal with passports, not immigration. each Embassy has a DFA department so email them and see what happens. Of course your wife must help you on this or will that start more anguish? I do hope that you can get things worked out, but it will take both of you to come to terms with the issues you have, marriage is a partnership and it sounds like it is all one sided, After 7 years, life should be a walk able street not an Uphill struggle with 2 suitcases Sorry if I sound Hard and unsympathetic but you must be stronger my friend. For me, I would have had more to say on all Fronts, I believe, you may have been used. You say she just wants to go back to PI, For Me I would have bought mine the ticket and she would have left, with what she brought, nothing. If I am out of order I am sorry but the more you open up the more smells come out. That's a shame as it sounds like you really care for them all. Here to help where we can, we don't always get it right but usually, there is a grain of truth in our own stories that can make sense in others problems. Be Lucky and fingers crossed for those Kids you are missing. :thumbsup: regards JP :tiphat: Yeah, getting the kids passports was a big mess-around between us in Canada, the DFA and the DSWD in the Philippines. I wish I could say they were all helpful and gave us good advice, but all of them gave us wasteful and conflicting advice at different points. That's for another topic. Now we're in the clear and all will be applied for this week. I mentioned it as "immigration" related because the Canadian government wants to see copies of their passports before continuing with the wife's permanent resident application. As of Typhoon Yolanda, when we amended the application, they didn't have passports. That $1200 number is just an average. It might be $800 but I'll slap on a few hundred Philippine related expenses, like a box we might have sent in the mail, or a document that we had to fed-ex. My wife has a pretty lame life here in Canada and I wouldn't be happy either. We live in a small town with nothing to do and practically no taxi service. This past winter was among the coldest in recorded history, with many days in the sub-40 degree Celsius range. She came on a visitor visa, so wasn't able to apply for work or a driver's license for the first year. All this after having spent two years in the Philippines with her best friends, family, nannies, and stuff to do. I'd wanna go back, too. Part of me wishes I left them there for one more year as I would've saved more money this year. When they were there, my wife, two daughters and two step-kids, I would send about $1500~2000 a month, and still have lots to pay my debts. Once they came here, our spending in Canada became astronomical, and though I did pay off some debts, not nearly as much as I could have. Basically, I can't blame her for being depressed: she's a woman. I also can't throw too much blame around for money because our track record in Canada is pretty bad, too. We used to only send 20,000 pesos to the Philippines when the step-kids were living with a nanny in Marikina, near Manila. They were a lot younger then, and every month seemed like they had no money left. The nanny had been skimming and was only feeding them pancit. As they've gotten older, we've sent more money, but the last two years when we were apart is when it took off. At first we had a pig farm that was very "needy" and from that we never recovered. Even my own kids had constant health problems when they were there. I saw it with my own eyes. Every time I traveled to the Philippines with a budget in mind, I'd spend it in half the time. I'm bad with money, and now my whole family is bad with money. That being said, we haven't had a normal day to day existence to work with in a very long time. Not with all the moving around, typhoon, health and "immigration" stuff. That's why I'm toughing it out to the end. I love my daughters and wanna keep the family together. Wouldn't put up with it otherwise. My wife and I talk about it but it's always a fight. We both have bad track records with that, too. Right now I just plan to keep my mouth shut, let it play out, and let life do the talking. Maybe in the end I'll be a miserable divorcee crying over all the money I lost, or a happily married man, glad I toughed through it. I could also be a happy divorcee, teaching English in Vietnam or Thailand. Who knows?
  6. Warning Bell.jpg So you they have medical emergencies every month :unsure: this, i would definitely, question. Who's immigration stuff? whilst they are in the PI, they have no immigration to deal with, if they were in the US, you would deal with it there. I have to say, if this was me, I would be hearing the Warning bells loud and clear. :rolleyes: $1.200 a month, That's 2.4 times the average, contained in this Topic we are talking about. With that sort of money, you could run 2 families, mmm maybe you are :rolleyes: Stranger things have Happened. :tiphat: All this talk of warning bells is futile. Everyone brings it up and I TOTALLY understand. I've been hearing them for seven years of marriage. But we have two young children who are really happy so what am I supposed to do about it? (This might be new thread territory). I've always banked my hope on things will get better when the kids are older and/or the wife is a permanent resident in Canada and free to work and earn money. She's talked a huge game for seven years about how she wants to work, not raise kids. Now, she's had an open work permit for three weeks and hasn't lifted a finger to get a job. When I give her job advice, she argues and says she wants the other job instead. I challenge her to do it and quit acting scared. Warning bells are fine, and doubting their explanations in the Philippines is fine, but at the end of the day I'm trying to get the step-kids here so I don't have to take anyone's word for it anymore. There are immigration related issues we're dealing with (such as getting passports for minors without their mother there), and it's not surprising how bad my in-laws' health is. I'm just dealing with it a day at a time until I don't have to deal with it anymore.
  7. Yeah, my wife has bad breath a lot of the time, but I dare not say. She'd probably ramp it up to keep me away. She has dental issues but not with cavities. She's missing some teeth in the back but the cost for fixing them is more than I can afford at the moment.
  8. I think you have to ask if its too much 'for you'. How well do you want them to live? If I answered the question 'for me' I would say it is too much. Instead of asking them for a breakdown of how they are spending your money, I would suggest giving them an amount that you are willing to contribute and asking them for a budget of how they should spend your money It's been tough because we were in the center of Yolanda and had our house destroyed. After that we amended my wife's permanent resident application in Canada for her kids to be "accompanying," rented a place in Cebu, and have been having trouble with the kids applying for passports as minors without their mom who's in Canada. If they don't need more money for this document or that, it's a trip back to Cebu and then back to Leyte and back to Cebu, etc. There's been some health issues with her dad and a funeral for an uncle as well. On top of that, the kids had graduation stuff and needed clothes and blah blah blah blah blah. Every time I put my foot down, there's something that comes up and becomes a question (accusation) from my wife of, "Fine, I'll just tell them to stay there. I don't wanna bring them to Canada. I just wanna go back to the Philippines." Because of spring break up in the oilfield I probably won't have any money to send them til mid-June, so this time I wasn't bluffing when I said they have to make the money last. When I complain to my wife about all the Filipinos that live on 20,000 pesos a month, it becomes a big fight full of ugly accusations. If I'm really heated I'll say something like she probably has a whole house and property that I'm not even aware of, lol. That doesn't go over well.
  9. Here's a "funny" question: Is sending $1200 (average) a month to the Philippines (Leyte) too much for my two step-kids and mother-in-law? I definitely think so, but they always have a break down of what they're spending money on and then it seems hard to argue. I know that I spent that much and more easily when I was there, but I'm a notoriously bad spender. Some of that average is spent on medical emergencies, immigration stuff, and school things.
  10. I wouldn't go back in time and change having my family. However, if I were single in the future I wouldn't do it again. Marrying a Filipina has come with tons of perks. I love it. There are challenges though, that I wouldn't want to mess with again. We're all obsessed with material things in life, all around the world, but in the context of culture I would say that the material things Filipinos are obsessed with aren't the same as mine. I also think that the influx of wealthy retirees that swoop in and spoil their young princess ruins it to a degree for a young buck like me who's still trying to save money and build a future. Filipinas aren't usually interested in the future; they're interested in the now. Instant gratification. If they were interested in the future they would just marry a local guy from a half decent family with potential to do well. When they marry a Westerner there's a lot of baggage that comes with it, expecting that they've married up and everyone needs to see the proof. Even if your wife is more grounded and doesn't care about it, the people around her often will. My kids were insulted all around town in the Philippines because they weren't "white" enough. Whether it's Filipinas in the Philippines married to foreigners or Filipinos here in Canada, they're always showing off wealth that they may or may not have. I'd like to tell you my wife is amazingly grounded and it doesn't get to her (or me), but it does, and I hate it. I know we're like that in Canada, too. I see it in my coworkers' marriages as well. I just think Canadians don't have unrealistic expectations of other Canadians, lol. If they're "better" than you, you know it. When it comes to expectations in the Philippines of a foreigner, they're unrealistic and tiresome. Our marriage is up and down when it comes to money, but I still hope that ever so slowly and painfully we'll get over the hump and eventually see things more eye to eye. If that happens, it will have been worth it. I just wouldn't do it again :1 (103): Well, I might do it again if I'm a wealthy old guy, but that, too, may be a myth created by the women they marry. For all I know, everyone in Leyte thinks I'm a millionaire with ten houses around the world. Photoshop and Facebook could get it done.
  11. It's really hard to admit a mistake or assign blame because not everything I regret I regret completely. To erase the bitterness I would also lose the sweetness. That said, I would have either not done the pig farm or I would have taken more control over the operation instead of trusting my wife to figure it out because she's a local. In the future I would assert my plan from the get go, no compromise. It's embarrassing telling people all the things that went wrong because I predicted them all. As a 28 year old I was content to watch it play out in part because I didn't respect my own money and in part I was drinking the kool-aid. I also didn't understand women.
  12. OK. Tacloban have mountains close and even within the city, so I thought they had some schools and such in high ground too. 1. Tacloban does NOT have mountains in the city. 2. Ever heard of a landslide? 3. Exposure to the wind itself probably wasn't all that appealing, either.
  13. I couldn't complain when my wife and I started dating and she had male friends on MySpace (pre-FB). But we both did some tip toeing around each other's accounts, daring each other to let us see the other's inbox. I discovered a few ex Filipino boyfriends, neither current, and found a Friendster account which told me her real age. Then she told me she had two kids, not one. Needless to say, we didn't trust each other. I was looking for an easy out, and she was worried about losing me. After being married for six years she still brings up my ex girlfriends in an angry tone, but I avoid commenting on hers. I save my anger for fights over laundry. You have to commit before you really have a stake.
  14. Roughnecking has been going great, but we're at the end of a long winter season and everyone's ready for a month off after this hole. My family will be here in a couple days, but I'll have to finish this hole before I can see them. No basketball all winter long, so I can't wait for the month off to see if I still got it or not? My wife has typically been quick to spend "my" money but slow to spend "her" money, in the sense that it depends whose hands the cash is in. I figure I'll give her a spending allowance until she's able to work, and see if she uses it or not. She's actually doing her shopping before she comes to Canada because she's been here before and knows the malls here suck. My biggest worry is how she'll survive without a driver's license. She mentioned getting one under the table in the Philippines before she leaves, but if she has to start from scratch in Canada then it'll take a year. Luckily the town we'll be in is small and everything is nearby. Not really worried about her cheating on me with other dudes. If she were the type to do so she would've done it by now since we've been living in other countries for the past two years. Skype indeed makes the world a more bearable place to live when you're so far apart.
  15. I got 4 more days until my wife and kids arrive in Canada and I was wondering how other people's filipina wives handled the transition? Any tips or pointers would be appreciated. As I'm pretty busy at work, they'll stay at my parents' house at first and hang out with them. My mom and dad are retired and will help them out a lot with day to day things. Also, she's been here before and met Filipinas already here as well as my friends, so she'll have some entertainment options. As for us, I'm making more money than I've ever made before but not enough to be reckless with. Think she'll go for broke and want to buy everything up or I can still scare her into being frugal? Advice on that and the x-factor stuff would be great. Personal stories? Anything to get a thread going. ps: Think she'll cheat on me once she realizes western guys grow a lot taller and more physically fit than me, or that there are Filipinos here who are everything she ever dreamed of.... i.e. not gambling at the cockpit and addicted to shabu.
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