Training Your Filpino Partner

[westhmess]

Wayne,

I'm trying to read between the lines. A bad choice of words? Yes. But, what I read is that you want her to learn your spending habits. I think, again reading between the lines, that you can't get her to spend any money when you know you have enough. I have the same problem, and I haven't even been there to meet mine yet. I offered to help her with some bills she didn't have the money to pay. She told me "NO", flat out "NO". I asked her why and she said it would bring her shame. Now, that hit home. She was raised not to accept help, especially from someone she hasn't yet met. Now, this is ingrained in them from birth. I'm not sure the younger ones feel that way, but she certainly does. She's 41, and I met her on purpose. I was looking for someone who is mature and still has the old values.

Have I come anywhere near addressing your problem? If so, it will be a very slow process, getting her to spend money. Just be positive with her. Buy her something she doesn't really need once in a while. Give her $20.00 to spend only on herself. If she puts it away for a rainy day, don't be surprised, and don't get onto her for it. Be very happy you have one who feels that way, rather than the opposite.

Hopefully your friend,

Wes

[Thomas]

Wayne,

I'm trying to read between the lines. A bad choice of words? Yes. But, what I read is that you want her to learn your spending habits. I think, again reading between the lines, that you can't get her to spend any money when you know you have enough. I have the same problem, and I haven't even been there to meet mine yet. I offered to help her with some bills she didn't have the money to pay. She told me "NO", flat out "NO". I asked her why and she said it would bring her shame. Now, that hit home. She was raised not to accept help, especially from someone she hasn't yet met. Now, this is ingrained in them from birth. I'm not sure the younger ones feel that way, but she certainly does. She's 41, and I met her on purpose. I was looking for someone who is mature and still has the old values.

Have I come anywhere near addressing your problem? If so, it will be a very slow process, getting her to spend money. Just be positive with her. Buy her something she doesn't really need once in a while. Give her $20.00 to spend only on herself. If she puts it away for a rainy day, don't be surprised, and don't get onto her for it. Be very happy you have one who feels that way, rather than the opposite.

Hopefully your friend,

Wes

"Problem" with spending to litle!  Well. As seen in several places in this forum, it's much more common having the opposite problem  :)

 

Yes. I know several, who are to proud to get assistance, not wanting any, although I have offered some to some friends, who HAVEN'T asked for any, but I know they are poor and have problem paying some basic needs.

While some OTHER people are proud (?) they have managed to scam some kano   :mocking:

[westhmess]

I stand corrected. lol I have such limited experience I shouldn't have said anything. Wait. How will I learn if I don't join in? So, here I am, willing to learn from people who know. Thanks for your reply.

[Papa Carl]

I stand corrected. lol I have such limited experience I shouldn't have said anything. Wait. How will I learn if I don't join in? So, here I am, willing to learn from people who know. Thanks for your reply.

 

Don't let any of these old blow heats here in the Forum steer you in the wrong direction.

 

We may say we are re-training our Filipina wives, but in reality it is we who are being re-trained!

 

Our Filipina partners have learnt the technique of allowing us to feel like we are in control, and therefore can go on forums like this, puff up our chests and make it sound like we are in full control of our own lives. 

 

Nothing could be further from the truth in reality, we are the lucky ones to be here, be with them, and do as we are told so that we can stay here, and enjoy the fruits of the forest! Whether we are married or not!

 

There are those here who will say, that I might be brow beaten and that they are not.

 

There is a saying.....  "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." only in this case it should be said "The expat doth protest too much, methinks"

 

Ha Ha, all in good jest.

 

Papa Carl

[GregZ]

Give her $20.00 to spend only on herself. If she puts it away for a rainy day, don't be surprised, and don't get onto her for it. Be very happy you have one who feels that way, rather than the opposite.

 

I'm happy to have one of those.  :541:  I'd been giving her a small amount regularly and just assumed that she was giving it all away.  I see her passing out 20 here, 50 there so figured it was gone.  One day she says she is going to buy somethings that cost over 2000 pesos.  "How are you going to pay for them?", I ask.  "With my savings."  WoW! GrEaT! :540:   We go on trips and she has her own souvenir money.

[westhmess]

Well, though it has only been a day since I posted my message, mine has relented to some help. She has a small store (sari sari's I think they're called.) and it doesn't pay fir itself, never mind give her any money she can call her own. She is going to lose the store if she isn't able to pay the rent. So, I decided to wait until rent is almost due and send her enough to keep the store.

 

What seems like a lot of money to her is not really. But, for every action there is a reaction. I suggested (let her think next month it is her idea) that she sell the store. We had a conversation about this last month. I asked her why she kept the store since it was not making money. She said it was her only way of being self sufficient. In her defense, it is the rainy season and she just doesn't get street traffic when it's raining.

 

Several months ago she had to move the store from a different part of town. Her rent? (gift) there was 500P whereas her rent in the new place is 5,000P. So, part of the reaction is that she consider giving up the store. I will be there by then and we can talk about it. We have found a great little city called Maarin that is too far from her store for her to run it. I try to make her an equal in the decision making process, hoping she will learn something about business and what it takes to operate a successful business. Carrying that a bit further, I will find something that will be profitable that she can run when I'm gone. I'm 71 and am aware of our age difference. It doesn't worry me, but in return for her helping me in my last years, I need to assure myself that she will be able to make it on her own once I'm gone. She doesn't allow me to talk about that, but I can say it here. lol
Everyone here have a great day. I have a date with an email. : )

[GregZ]

...her rent in the new place is 5,000P.

I try to make her an equal in the decision making process, hoping she will learn something about business and what it takes to operate a successful business.

 

A sari sari store with 5000 peso rent will likely not work unless you are in a REAL high traffic area.  Just according to my numbers and they could be wrong.  The markup on things is only a couple peso each on average, so it would take 100 sales a day just to pay the rent if open every day.  Has anyone seen a sari sari store capable of that?  I have not even seen one that would come close unless it said 7-Eleven on the building.  Most of the stores I see are run out of people's houses or an attached shack that is little or no rent to them.  Even then it is difficult to make profit because family and friends 'eat' it up.

 

Treating her as an equal I find a slow go with my girl.  After 15 months she asks my 'permission' to go anywhere to see friends or something.  Her friends are still amazed that I 'allow' her to go to them.  When I ask her opinion or desire on something important I have to make sure that it is her answer and not just her giving back what she has heard me say.  I do make good decisions (according to me) and have a wonderful thought process (again according to me) so why would she do anything but WANT to go along with me and have the same opinion, since I gave it to her??? :hystery:   I don't REALLY want her to change on this... :cheersty:

 

The other part about learning business is very easy though.  She has a great mind for business matters as well as budgeting the household. She was a finance major and they had to start a profitable business as a project.  She got an A. :dance:  The household budgeting came from me... when things were going over budget in the beginning I gave the money for the month to her.  I told her when it is gone we just won't eat if you haven't planned well for food.  I put it in VERY nice terms of course... and provided all the information and amounts she would need for success. 

 

She did okay, but was pretty stressed over it for the month.  It gave her an appreciation for taking all the variables into account and more awareness of the little expenses that eat your money so fast.  It is terrible to get 10 peso'd to death.  She is :540:  very happy to have me do the budget.  When we go to the grocery store I tell her how much we are going to spend, roughly, and keep track in my head.  She gets to pick what we buy because she does the cooking.  Except the junk food section is all mine. :th_unfair:

[Mike S]

Her rent? (gift) there was 500P whereas her rent in the new place is 5,000P.

 

WOW ..... p5000 is a heap of money for a sari-sari store even in a good location ..... like GregZ I don't see her ever being able to make money .... at p1000 to 2000 most would barely break even but p5000 I'm thinking "no way" ..... JMHO

:cheersty:

[robert k]

Westhmess, it appears the tribe has spoken.

[sam45]

I think I understand, Wayne... I believe you may just have chosen the wrong words to express yourself the way you wanted... All the responses were very good and very true... Finding a good woman in the Philippines is like finding a good woman anywhere else in this world - and finding the woman of your dreams? No need to worry, my friend! Wait for the experience and then ask yourself again if you have worries then.

Very good!!!