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Expat Whos Moved And Returned


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Lots of members on here have learned how to adapt so that they are happy residents in the Philippines.  In each case, it's up to the person to decide what will make them happy and set up accordingly.

most of us have adapted to different parts of out lives, its easy once you get over any shock, so i cant wait for the shock of clear skies, the big yellow thing in the sky looking down on me and feeling warm without wearing thermals and a balaclava, once i touch down in Bohol

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It all gets down to attitudes. Since 'you' look at everything from a western view and your logic and deductive reasoning AND your problem solving skills (should) be light years ahead of the average Pi

My time in the Phiippines has taught me a lot more than I have taught them.

A very well written perspective of street level life of a typical Pinoy. Western attitudes simply cannot move mountains of poverty overnight. What little is offered, they will treasure the moment a

I'd  gladly pay a small fine to share that cell and after you Jake do my best to impress on him how his actions are intolerable to others. When The Ugly American  proceeds to shoo me away as he's bored of this subject then and only then Jake Limotta kicks in and I'm Robert Di Niro as screen

fighter. Give me 5mins just 5mins>>>>>>>>>>

 

 

Wise words Bruce, I shall try that to incorporate that into my Grey matter in future !!!

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One thing I do really dislike about Philippine society is the indoctrination almost all children are subjected to. It is usually twofold. 1. The Catholic Church learned hundreds of years ago that if you 'get them when they're young you have them for life.' 2. Filipino parents bring up their children from birth to be their 'Pension Plan.' I think this is dreadfully unfair on their children who deserve to be able to make their own way in life without the enormous boulder of parental need hung around their necks. So many children are told that it is their duty and obligation to support their parents in old age and to sacrifice their own chances of happiness and family life to provide for the education of numerous siblings which their parents chose to bring into the world.

 

I am glad that the statement was at least qualified as being true only for "almost all children".  I am certain that although that may be true for many, it is not a sweeping majority.  The fact that Filipinos look after their elders is cultural - it is done out of love and gratitude.  In the very traditional families, parents rear their children selflessly.  They do their utmost to raise their children in the best way they can, without expectation.  If at all possible, they will provide for their children well after they are gone.

 

I for one have been a recipient of this kind of generosity.  My mother-in-law helped us purchase our first home, our retirement home, and even our final resting place.  She and her husband and their forebears have made it possible for future generations to always have a place to call home.  My wife and her siblings have no plans of dividing up properties now that their mother is gone.  It will be passed down, the way their parents would have wanted it.

    Thanks for the input MacBubba- it's good to hear about the other side of the coin. I have no reason to doubt that what you say is correct and am actually very pleased to hear that you believe that a majority of Filipino parents do not place unfair moral obligations onto their children. You do agree, though, that there are 'many' who do. I think perhaps that our differing perceptions on the matter may in part be due to where I have spent most of my time in the Philippines. My wife comes from a poor environment, along with about 70% of the population. I have spent most of my time in the country living in the rural areas and associating with the average Filipinos who are in this category. For a year, in Leyte, I barely saw a white person. It's probably inevitable that middle class and wealthy parents do not have the same imperative needs for assistance as the dirt poor and are able to help their children more than the other way around. I do certainly agree that most parents, even if poor, value education and will try to ensure that their children can get some qualifications.- I just don't like the way some of them go about it. However, one thing is very clear to me - I am not a Filipino and as a foreigner will NEVER fully understand the way that Filipinos think and act. I would be very foolish to think that I could. But I'm still entitled to have my own opinion..

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I have no reason to doubt that what you say is correct and am actually very pleased to hear that you believe that a majority of Filipino parents do not place unfair moral obligations onto their children.

I wouldn't go so far as to say "a majority of Filipino parents do not place unfair moral obligations onto their children".  I think I qualified my statement by saying "in very traditional families".  I understand that such familes have and do erode in number over time.

 

I have not had exposure to all strata of Filipino society, but in the circles I've been, the practice I spoke of in my previous post is prevalent.  We cannot identify a single relative or friend who has been unduly saddled with the duty of financially supporting anyone other than their own progeny.  They are raised to take their productive place in society and they understand that their moral obligation is the same as that of their parents - to provide for those they brought into the world.

 

But I'm still entitled to have my own opinion..

No doubt, and thanks.

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Back to the topic...sorry!

 

My wife has an American cousin-in-law who resided in Metro Manila, while working for an international agency for 20+ years.  When he retired, he could not wait to get back to the States, where he and his wife built a splendid-looking house in a scenic area. 

 

After 20+ years, he had had enough of battling Manila's traffic and other inconveniences. 

 

He and my wife's cousin have done well in their retirement, not many regrets, but now find themselves longing for home.  So, they are making plans to move back!

Edited by MacBubba
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2. Filipino parents bring up their children from birth to be their 'Pension Plan.' I think this is dreadfully unfair on their children who deserve to be able to make their own way in life without the enormous boulder of parental need hung around their necks. So many children are told that it is their duty and obligation to support their parents in old age

and to sacrifice their own chances of happiness and family life to provide for the education of numerous siblings which their parents chose to bring into the world. 

Well. I agree about the GREEN part IF some of them are just lazy,

BUT what's wrong with:

2a. Education are paid by other family members for (one of) the oldest siblings. After get higher pay by that, then finance education for next sibling and so on?  Many poor farmer families have managed to give all siblings (with brain for studies) College/university educations by such!

 

2b. What's wrong with the red part??? Back when Sweden was poor, surviving for the old parents were solved similar to that, or in some regions it was solved by the oldest son got the main part of  FUTURE inherit (=the farm), but had to take care of old parents both financial and practical by himself assisted by his wife.    

The more Filipin siblings with work, the smaller share needed from each   :)

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2. Filipino parents bring up their children from birth to be their 'Pension Plan.' I think this is dreadfully unfair on their children who deserve to be able to make their own way in life without the enormous boulder of parental need hung around their necks. So many children are told that it is their duty and obligation to support their parents in old age

and to sacrifice their own chances of happiness and family life to provide for the education of numerous siblings which their parents chose to bring into the world. 

Well. I agree about the GREEN part IF some of them are just lazy,

BUT what's wrong with:

2a. Education are paid by other family members for (one of) the oldest siblings. After get higher pay by that, then finance education for next sibling and so on?  Many poor farmer families have managed to give all siblings (with brain for studies) College/university educations by such!

 

2b. What's wrong with the red part??? Back when Sweden was poor, surviving for the old parents were solved similar to that, or in some regions it was solved by the oldest son got the main part of  FUTURE inherit (=the farm), but had to take care of old parents both financial and practical by himself assisted by his wife.    

The more Filipin siblings with work, the smaller share needed from each   :)

 

Well I agree with you under the 'In Theory' style of thinking. But 'In Practice' results thinking....the failure rates are much greater than the success rates. There seems to be a willingness to share even at the expense of damaging the goal and as such, 'emergencies' come up to eat away at funds. The locals are often trapped in a role playing society in which they may have a source of money for college... but not the status with in the family to protect those funds for the stated purpose.

 

There are 92,000,000 Pinoys and getting 'that good job' is more difficult than you may think. So for 'our' way of thinking, it can be frustrating to see things in what 'we' think are clear terms only to see the locals fail at what we thought was an easy plan. Added up, this increasing failure to prosper can wear on 'us' and as such, 'we' reach a certain level and then have had enough and may think about returning to our home countries.

Edited by Bruce
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It has not been that many generations since it was the same way in our own countries - as our parents and grandparents got older, the family looked after them.  

 

As I am immortal, I will require many generations of my family to look after my well-being.  That includes yearly trips between the Philippines and Canada, imported Canadian Angus beef for daily meals and the finest champagne available.  After all, in the Philippines, it is the law....!

 

:mocking:

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2. Filipino parents bring up their children from birth to be their 'Pension Plan.' I think this is dreadfully unfair on their children who deserve to be able to make their own way in life without the enormous boulder of parental need hung around their necks. So many children are told that it is their duty and obligation to support their parents in old age

and to sacrifice their own chances of happiness and family life to provide for the education of numerous siblings which their parents chose to bring into the world. 

Well. I agree about the GREEN part IF some of them are just lazy,

BUT what's wrong with:

2a. Education are paid by other family members for (one of) the oldest siblings. After get higher pay by that, then finance education for next sibling and so on?  Many poor farmer families have managed to give all siblings (with brain for studies) College/university educations by such!

 

2b. What's wrong with the red part??? Back when Sweden was poor, surviving for the old parents were solved similar to that, or in some regions it was solved by the oldest son got the main part of  FUTURE inherit (=the farm), but had to take care of old parents both financial and practical by himself assisted by his wife.    

The more Filipin siblings with work, the smaller share needed from each   :)

 

Well I agree with you under the 'In Theory' style of thinking. But 'In Practice' results thinking....the failure rates are much greater than the success rates. There seems to be a willingness to share even at the expense of damaging the goal and as such, 'emergencies' come up to eat away at funds. The locals are often trapped in a role playing society in which they may have a source of money for college... but not the status with in the family to protect those funds for the stated purpose.

 

There are 92,000,000 Pinoys and getting 'that good job' is more difficult than you may think. So for 'our' way of thinking, it can be frustrating to see things in what 'we' think are clear terms only to see the locals fail at what we thought was an easy plan. Added up, this increasing failure to prosper can wear on 'us' and as such, 'we' reach a certain level and then have had enough and may think about returning to our home countries.

Well. I believe the poor ones, who have succeed, normaly don't have money to funds, but struggled to raise the needed fees one by one when it was time to pay them.

 

Yes, I know it's almost impossible to find "that good job" in OUR messure in RP, for the poor ones even a 15 000pesos/month salary is a very good one after have lived a whole family of 5000pesos, when they were kids.  And exams make it less hard to get an abroad or ANY job. Some employers demand higher exams for simple jobs too!

 

I suppose in the families, who succeed, they have enough capacity to think ahead and will power enough to manage to finnish it. Plus, because of their small margins, they need some luck too, not get urgent extra expenses when they need their money the most in the first steps.

 

One example:

No idea how they managed, but they have.

Three sisters. While their father wasted the family farm by being drunk, first pawn it and then lose it,

they managed somehow (I guess by common jobs) to finance exam for the first, and then she helped the other two to exams. (The oldest is teacher in RP, the second have some computer exam, but had problem finding a job suiting that in RP, so she work abroad now. The youngest is teacher too.) They managed although one of them got pregnant by a irresponcible Filipin, but their mother take care of that kid, so all three daughters can work full time.

I'm not sure what age they teach, so I just estimate the teacher salaries. 10 000  (plus benefits) + 2 x 12000= 34 000. That's much more than the 5000 their family was used to.

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