If You Could Do It All Over Again.

[Jake]

It's really hard to admit a mistake or assign blame because not everything I regret I regret completely. To erase the bitterness I would also lose the sweetness.

That said, I would have either not done the pig farm or I would have taken more control over the operation instead of trusting my wife to figure it out because she's a local. In the future I would assert my plan from the get go, no compromise.

It's embarrassing telling people all the things that went wrong because I predicted them all. As a 28 year old I was content to watch it play out in part because I didn't respect my own money and in part I was drinking the kool-aid. I also didn't understand women.

Hey Ekimswish,

 

Glad to see you back on board.  We thought all along, that you got too busy or got lost in those oil fields in Alberta.....he, he.  

Anyway, I totally agree about admitting mistakes or assigning a blame.  And a more obvious statement about our downfall

would be trying to understanding women -- it is Mother Nature's greatest mystery.  

 

Respectfully -- Jake 

Edited May 10, 2014 by Jake
spil chek

[ekimswish]

I wouldn't go back in time and change having my family. However, if I were single in the future I wouldn't do it again. 

 

Marrying a Filipina has come with tons of perks. I love it. There are challenges though, that I wouldn't want to mess with again. 

 

We're all obsessed with material things in life, all around the world, but in the context of culture I would say that the material things Filipinos are obsessed with aren't the same as mine. I also think that the influx of wealthy retirees that swoop in and spoil their young princess ruins it to a degree for a young buck like me who's still trying to save money and build a future. 

 

Filipinas aren't usually interested in the future; they're interested in the now. Instant gratification. If they were interested in the future they would just marry a local guy from a half decent family with potential to do well. When they marry a Westerner there's a lot of baggage that comes with it, expecting that they've married up and everyone needs to see the proof. 

 

Even if your wife is more grounded and doesn't care about it, the people around her often will. My kids were insulted all around town in the Philippines because they weren't "white" enough. Whether it's Filipinas in the Philippines married to foreigners or Filipinos here in Canada, they're always showing off wealth that they may or may not have. I'd like to tell you my wife is amazingly grounded and it doesn't get to her (or me), but it does, and I hate it. 

 

I know we're like that in Canada, too. I see it in my coworkers' marriages as well. I just think Canadians don't have unrealistic expectations of other Canadians, lol. If they're "better" than you, you know it. When it comes to expectations in the Philippines of a foreigner, they're unrealistic and tiresome.

 

Our marriage is up and down when it comes to money, but I still hope that ever so slowly and painfully we'll get over the hump and eventually see things more eye to eye. If that happens, it will have been worth it. I just wouldn't do it again  :1 (103):

 

Well, I might do it again if I'm a wealthy old guy, but that, too, may be a myth created by the women they marry. For all I know, everyone in Leyte thinks I'm a millionaire with ten houses around the world. Photoshop and Facebook could get it done. 

[sonjack2847]

I wouldn't go back in time and change having my family. However, if I were single in the future I wouldn't do it again. 

 

Marrying a Filipina has come with tons of perks. I love it. There are challenges though, that I wouldn't want to mess with again. 

 

We're all obsessed with material things in life, all around the world, but in the context of culture I would say that the material things Filipinos are obsessed with aren't the same as mine. I also think that the influx of wealthy retirees that swoop in and spoil their young princess ruins it to a degree for a young buck like me who's still trying to save money and build a future. 

 

Filipinas aren't usually interested in the future; they're interested in the now. Instant gratification. If they were interested in the future they would just marry a local guy from a half decent family with potential to do well. When they marry a Westerner there's a lot of baggage that comes with it, expecting that they've married up and everyone needs to see the proof. 

 

Even if your wife is more grounded and doesn't care about it, the people around her often will. My kids were insulted all around town in the Philippines because they weren't "white" enough. Whether it's Filipinas in the Philippines married to foreigners or Filipinos here in Canada, they're always showing off wealth that they may or may not have. I'd like to tell you my wife is amazingly grounded and it doesn't get to her (or me), but it does, and I hate it. 

 

I know we're like that in Canada, too. I see it in my coworkers' marriages as well. I just think Canadians don't have unrealistic expectations of other Canadians, lol. If they're "better" than you, you know it. When it comes to expectations in the Philippines of a foreigner, they're unrealistic and tiresome.

 

Our marriage is up and down when it comes to money, but I still hope that ever so slowly and painfully we'll get over the hump and eventually see things more eye to eye. If that happens, it will have been worth it. I just wouldn't do it again  :1 (103):

 

Well, I might do it again if I'm a wealthy old guy, but that, too, may be a myth created by the women they marry. For all I know, everyone in Leyte thinks I'm a millionaire with ten houses around the world. Photoshop and Facebook could get it done. 

If I had my time here again I would stay single it has become the same as it was for me in the UK. .

[Gerald Glatt]

Hmmmmm, If I could do it again I would, It would give me another 66 years plus all the tomorrows to. 

[Thomas]

We're all obsessed with material things in life

No   :)

 

Well. I'm interested in some things, and have "everything" *, but CHEAP things. I have no problem amuse myself if I just have a nice nature to be in.  Or have paper and pen, but I admit I prefer a computer :) but I don't bother about computer age as long as they functions. (For some games and music production I still have an Amiga from 1989 (But Amiga was far in front in development special concerning music. The company Commodore went bankruptcy because they were TO MUCH in front of development  :)   E g they made double spins CD readers, when the opponents thought it was impossible  :lol:  Some of the ABBA music was produced on a similar computer. But I have one other too to handle things which need more memory, but this one is rather old too. And I still use my old "Thick-TV", because it functions still   :)

 

*Well. I HAD "everything" so now I have problem reducing it to what I can bring when I move to Phils  :mocking:

but in the context of culture I would say that the material things Filipinos are obsessed with aren't the same as mine.

Well. Corect for many Filipins,

but I know several, who are happy with a nice family life and having enough economic situation to not need to worry about having enough living space, food and such basics.

Filipinas aren't usually interested in the future; they're interested in the now.

Corect in many cases too, but I know several exceptions. E g

/it's rather common a Filipin family work hard to send one to College/University, and when that one start earning money, he/she help next sibbling to education, and so on...

/one young Filipina I know is born poor, work very hard - and have avoided get pregnant, although she is sexy  :)  -  she has saved to and bought much land allready. (Filipin messure of "much".)

/and several Filipinas "work hard" to marry a foreigner   :lol:

[Thomas]

We're all obsessed with material things in life

I forgot to tell both my ex gf and my new told they DON'T want 150 - 200 sqm house* "because it's much to clean"  :mocking:

 

*  (I aim at such size INSIDE, NOT of status reason, because I don't bother about such, but because I need office space at home, plus would like space inside during rain season.)

[ekimswish]

 

We're all obsessed with material things in life

I forgot to tell both my ex gf and my new told they DON'T want 150 - 200 sqm house* "because it's much to clean"  :mocking:

 

*  (I aim at such size INSIDE, NOT of status reason, because I don't bother about such, but because I need office space at home, plus would like space inside during rain season.)

 

The "material" thing I'm obsessed with is money, just because of the freedom it can afford me to go on vacation, hit up a lake, beach, go hiking, play basketball often, see my kids get a good education and be involved in lots of activities, buy my wife what she wants once in a while, to live in a good neighborhood where my kids won't see everything I saw, and so I can one day retire comfortably in the Philippines, maybe living off the crops and harvests. If I were single I would just be obsessed with the here and now. 

 

When I mention the material things my wife is obsessed with I must clarify that she's never had them. We've never had the money to get the boob job, nose surgery or buy the Luis Vuitton bags. After 7 years of marriage, she's getting tired of waiting, lol, but there was no point in her working when we had young kids and lived in Korea or Philippines. 

 

Now that we're in Canada and she finally got her work permit, the moment of truth is upon us as to whether she'll make the most of it and I picked a winner - no regrets - or if things continue as they have and we're both looking for an exit. I'm not looking for an exit now, but I know I couldn't continue past the kids growing up a bit if things stayed like this. Talk is cheap, so I don't put a lot of stalk in the negative things she says, figuring that when she's working her attitude will change. If I'm wrong, then it will officially be classified a regret due to cultural differences. 

 

I must say that a lot of the Filipinos who are smarter about things like money and the future are ones with a bit of Chinese in their background. It's like the difference between white-trash and recent immigrants in the West. One group takes things for granted, feeling entitled, and the other is driven by a hundred year struggle to get ahead. 

[MikeB]

I must say that a lot of the Filipinos who are smarter about things like money and the future are ones with a bit of Chinese in their background.

Agree, and if you look at the academic "topnotchers", the ones who's names and pictures are in the paper because they graduated at the top of their class you will see an overabundance of Lim, Tan, Lee, etc. Then they go overseas where they can make some money, no visa problems for them. 

[Bundy]

Pretty happy with my lot and can't say that i'd change too much at all but perhaps i had a distinct advantage in that we were married over 10 years ago and also throw into the equation that i already knew most of what goes on in this place having made my first trip in '86' so knew full well what to expect.

I don't believe there is any place which will be perfect and Philippines is certainly not perfect and for some could be extremely trying but in my case the good far outweighs the bad, plus if i remained in Australia i would most likely have ended up with heaps of medical issues (work related).

The recent short trip to Australia has i believe done me a lot of good and enabled me to again see "the other side". I much rather be here with my two girls, relax and go with the flow.

Regarding "extended family" issues if you have not put inplace ground rules right from the beginning then you can expect to be treated as a walking ATM but hey, who's fault is that?

Life is good!

[Thomas]

The "material" thing I'm obsessed with is money, just because of the freedom it can afford me to go on vacation, hit up a lake, beach, go hiking, play basketball often, see my kids get a good education and be involved in lots of activities, buy my wife what she wants once in a while, to live in a good neighborhood where my kids won't see everything I saw, and so I can one day retire comfortably in the Philippines, maybe living off the crops and harvests. If I were single I would just be obsessed with the here and now. When I mention the material things my wife is obsessed with I must clarify that she's never had them. We've never had the money to get the boob job, nose surgery or buy the Luis Vuitton bags.

Well. It's a huge difference, almost the opposite, between

/financial freedom

enough to live an ok still simple life   (=a good focus)

/and plastic surgery...   (=a crap focus...)

 

 

I must say that a lot of the Filipinos who are smarter about things like money and the future are ones with a bit of Chinese* in their background.

Agree, and if you look at the academic "topnotchers", the ones who's names are published in the paper because they graduated at the top of their class you will see an overabundance of Lim, Tan, Lee, etc. . 

That goes for USA too    :)

An American investigation found out the group with the most remarcable good results in college/university educations have Chinese/Korean background. Extra remarcable by most of that parent generation DON'T have academic background

in difference from average of the parent generation of white Americans with academic exams..

The conclusion that investigation had concerning the reason was

it depend of, even though they have LOWER chance to do it, because of the lower average education they have, the Chinese/Korean parents are involved much more in trying to assist their kids with homework and such. The parents show more interest...

 

* Koreans too.  In Phils get an unproportional big part of the kids with Korean background tutoring assistance.