If You Could Do It All Over Again.

[ekimswish]

When I complain about my "tough" marriage, I keep in mind that I'm on my first one and a lot of you have been through a few. For what it's worth, maybe I'm just regretting my age  :1 (103):

[Jake]

When I complain about my "tough" marriage, I keep in mind that I'm on my first one and a lot of you have been through a few. For what it's worth, maybe I'm just regretting my age  :1 (103):

Hey Mike,

 

Ouch, and some of us deserve that....he, he.  Speaking for myself, I may be older but not necessarily wiser.

Many of us have made more mistake than you have, simply because we have been on this planet earth much

longer than you have my friend.  Some of us will continue to make those same mistakes -- you can't teach an

old billy goat new tricks.

 

This forum is full of lessons learned, most recently coming from your predicament.  I will not take any position

of lecturing you or anybody else because I don't like your style of living.  I've got my own closet to clear out.

 

But it is good to know that we can discuss our dirty laundry here on this forum and not be slammed because

of our vices, marital and financial issues and general outlook on life.  I am truly glad that you are spending

some time with us and really enjoy your intellect, written with style and finesse.  Keep your head up, young

grasshoppa!

 

Respectfully -- uncle Jake

[ekimswish]

 

When I complain about my "tough" marriage, I keep in mind that I'm on my first one and a lot of you have been through a few. For what it's worth, maybe I'm just regretting my age  :1 (103):

Hey Mike,

 

Ouch, and some of us deserve that....he, he.  Speaking for myself, I may be older but not necessarily wiser.

Many of us have made more mistake than you have, simply because we have been on this planet earth much

longer than you have my friend.  Some of us will continue to make those same mistakes -- you can't teach an

old billy goat new tricks.

 

This forum is full of lessons learned, most recently coming from your predicament.  I will not take any position

of lecturing you or anybody else because I don't like your style of living.  I've got my own closet to clear out.

 

But it is good to know that we can discuss our dirty laundry here on this forum and not be slammed because

of our vices, marital and financial issues and general outlook on life.  I am truly glad that you are spending

some time with us and really enjoy your intellect, written with style and finesse.  Keep your head up, young

grasshoppa!

 

Respectfully -- uncle Jake

 

Hey, it was meant as a compliment, lol. I imagine there are guys pulling their hair out in restraint of telling me horror stories from their first marriage or two. 

[Thomas]

Some of us will continue to make those same mistakes -- you can't teach an old billy goat new tricks.

Well. That's a well known expression, but not a fact. It's possible to learn for us older guys too - if trying enough  :)

 

I like the expression (something like this in translation:

A stupid don't learn by his own misstakes

A clever do learn by his own misstakes

A wise learn by others's misstakes...

 

I try to do the last, but it's some hard when trying to do new things never done before  :mocking:

[davewe]

Your relationship with money will change over the years - at least mine did. I won't even say it is maturity-dependant. It's age dependent and of course based on values, which also change. For me:

 

1. Grew up sort of suburban, upper-middle class. Spoiled a bit but didn't care about most material things - except guitars.

2. Spent my 20s in a series of crap, low paying jobs and didn't care about it. The bills barely got paid but I survived.

3. 30s got married and started a business. Now I was lower middle to middle class. The bills got paid, food was on the table and there were a few extras but not much. I assumed this is the way my life would continue. Saving was certainly not a priority.

4. 4os; more of the same. A little more money, but not much. A home I owned. A few extras but probably not enough to suit the wife. Again little savings and I assumed this is the way life would continue. Retirement plans such as they were, were based on her inheriting money from her mother.

5. Early 50s; divorced and with 2 kids 1/2 time. Bought my own home due not to my savings but the nature of the screwed up lending industry back then. Closed the business and got a very good job paying more than I'd ever imagined making. Still assumed I'd be working till the day I died.

6. Mid-late 50s. Some pockets of materialism but not much. Started to travel when I realized that there were places I wanted to see and life was not infinite. Saved most money for traveling but began for the 1st time to save for my "future". Saw no way to retire in the US.

7. Now 61. Married to a Pinay. Still love to travel. All other money goes toward retirement. Hanging on to job as the "old man" in my department. I have a plan and with a couple more years savings can live successfully abroad. It won't be rich and it won't be material, but it should be nice. We won't be living in a Nipa hut, but won't be living in a gated community in Manila either.

 

So, the point is this. What is important to save for or not save for changes over the years. Life happens, sh&t happens. Most people live for today because they don't have enough (or can't conceive of having enough to live for tomorrow). Make a plan for sure. But realize the plan will change and might change often. Enjoy it while you have it, enjoy the wife and kids. 

 

 

I wouldn't go back in time and change having my family. However, if I were single in the future I wouldn't do it again. 

 

Marrying a Filipina has come with tons of perks. I love it. There are challenges though, that I wouldn't want to mess with again. 

 

We're all obsessed with material things in life, all around the world, but in the context of culture I would say that the material things Filipinos are obsessed with aren't the same as mine. I also think that the influx of wealthy retirees that swoop in and spoil their young princess ruins it to a degree for a young buck like me who's still trying to save money and build a future. 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 12, 2014 by davewe

[Jake]

 

Your relationship with money will change over the years - at least mine did. I won't even say it is maturity-dependant. It's age dependent and of course based on values, which also change.......

 

So, the point is this. What is important to save for or not save for changes over the years. Life happens, sh&t happens. Most people live for today because they don't have enough (or can't conceive of having enough to live for tomorrow). Make a plan for sure. But realize the plan will change and might change often. Enjoy it while you have it, enjoy the wife and kids. 

 

 

Super LIKE Dave!  Thought provoking with blood, sweat and tears experiences.  Well done sir!

 

Respectfully -- Jake

[Thomas]

Your relationship with money will change over the years - at least mine did.

Mine haven't, I were born same as I'm now  :)

(=Being economical, but not being interested in work extra much to get luxury, finding functional things being good enough, almost allways buying second hand, because less cost to get the wanted functions = need to work less, so get more time left to do funny/interesting things   :)      Besides earning enough to the basic needs, I don't bother much about earning much. The extra earnings I have mainly seen as a messure of if some action is success or not. That goes both for business, gamble and stock market.)

Of course income and what's needed to be paid have changed during the years,

but my attitude concerning money have been similar since I were around 6, when I started earning money.  (We didn't have to work, but my parents gave us chance to earn money IF we wanted. And they* teached us to value money by give us week pocket money from young age and didn't let screeming/nagging change what we got additional to that  :)    A rule was that they added half of the cost, if we saved to half of something expensive.  (I saved to a sound recorder, which did cost rather much back then, and to a moped (=slow motorbike) too, but I don't remember if they paid half of the moped too, because then I earned rather much by extra work beside school, so I could afford it better than my parents.)

 

*Well. My father teached us kids being economical at the same time he TRIED - and failed - to teach my mother  :lol:   She has allways been terrible at economics.

 

But it's bad for my retirement pay   :boohoo:   because I have been to good at acounting   :mocking:   

((Besides stock market incomes, I have never shown more than "survive level" income from my businesses, not when I earned as most either.  NOTE!  Allways showing ALL incomes, but being good at finding deductions   :)    I did spend much time at studying the Swedish tax law, back when I started my first business. Sweden have high tax levels, but have many deduction possibilities too...