On Being A Dark Filipina Traveling The Philippines

[i am bob]

I have to admit it...  I love the way this woman writes!  Very rarely do we come across someone who can make us feel the wonder, the joy, the pain, the confusion the way she can.  Though this is not an article entirely on relationships between Filipinas and expats, the author does come across with a lot of what women go through...  The women who love us and have made us the ultimate part of their lives!  Maybe we will end up being a little more understanding that it's not always just us...

 

The following comes across much better if you follow the link.  Of course, I've included a copy of the article immediately below...  Though the photos in the article are not shown below, I"ve left the captions in and changed the font color to a lighter grey - just to make it an easier read.

 

http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/travel/86031-filipino-woman-traveling-dark-skin-philippines

 

On being a dark Filipina traveling the Philippines

 

'Is your boyfriend a foreigner?' One Filipina traveler discusses her personal experiences as a dark-skinned woman making her way around the Philippines solo.Jona Branzuela Bering

 

Published 10:24 AM, Mar 07, 2015

Updated 10:38 PM, Mar 07, 2015

 

 

( People think a lover, presumably a foreigner, takes the author’s travel portraits; truth be told most of those photos are self-timed like this one or taken by random locals. All photo by Jona Branzuela Bering )

 

SOLO. People think a lover, presumably a foreigner, takes the author’s travel portraits; truth be told most of those photos are self-timed like this one or taken by random locals. All photo by Jona Branzuela Bering

 

“Porener imong uyab no?” (Is your boyfriend a foreigner?) asked the passenger beside me. We were on the old van to Biliran from Ormoc. I knew this question was coming, but I asked nonetheless why she thought so. I have the looks, she supplied – slender, long-haired, dark. Foreigners go for that “exotic” look.

 

I could let it pass if she stopped there. There is some truth to it except for the exotic part. I’m long-haired, dark because I stay out in the sun and walk around the city regardless of the heat, and relatively slender – this depends on the fluctuating graph of my gluttony. And at that time, I was seeing an American. But the way she phrased it sounded like I am intentionally dark, long-haired, and starved myself to death to look exotic for the foreign eye.

 

She tailed the sentence with “kay maka-afford man kag laag (because you can afford to travel), and then she looked at my camera. This was not the first.

 

I have learned to weather rough seas like the one that connects my island, Cebu, to hers. I have learned to read the sea, its amiable and deceptive character. I have yet learned to cross the rivers of prejudice and bigotry that flow and fork in the minds of my own people. Especially from my own people.

 

(ISLAND LIFE. Life on an island like Apo is simple and can be limiting: women are often surprised when they see a woman, especially a Filipina, traveling alone. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering  

ISLAND LIFE. Life on an island like Apo is simple and can be limiting: women are often surprised when they see a woman, especially a Filipina, traveling alone. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering)

 

Some summers past, during my early years of backpacking, the kids at Siargao asked if I had a laptop, a camera, and a smartphone – which for the uninitiated minds are symbols of wealth. They cross-examined me, asking if my Western boyfriend bought them for me. I had just started out traveling solo then, and I did not expect such questions from kids, especially from kids.

 

(LITTLE ONES. Some island kids think the easiest way to get rich is to marry a foreigner. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering 

LITTLE ONES. Some island kids think the easiest way to get rich is to marry a foreigner. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering)

 

Getting angry would be easy. But they grew up on an island known for the waves foreign surfers visit, they grew up seeing local women of my skin color walking around with their foreign partners.

 

That afternoon, the violent sea by Cloud 9’s boardwalk became our classroom. I told them stories of my childhood, of the places I have been and those I ached to visit. I told them, after our swim, there are deadlines waiting for me once I turn on my laptop. I told them in Cebu I had a day job and several online jobs. I told them I take photos for money. I told them my then-boyfriend was a teacher, and he was poor but rich in love for kids. I told them my hunger for places was as deep as their love for the waves licking our backs.

 

When I got back to the resort, I called him and retold the story. The crying was inevitable.

 

These elementary kids – who are poor in material wealth – have been brainwashed or programmed to think the easiest way to get rich is to marry a foreigner, presumably an older one.

 

That night at Siargao while sharing the table with a local girl, the talk predictably took a turn to the pros and cons of having a foreign partner regardless of his age. And by foreign, we refer mostly to Westerners. She received a monthly allowance. She lived a comfortable life. No, she was not speaking for the rest of us. She was speaking for herself. She had been in an abusive relationship, and she was just as practical as I was stubborn.

 

Some do not think so. To say my ex – who was unaccustomed to the third worldly ways of traveling – was shocked every time he saw a young Filipina with an old foreigner who could pass as his grandpa would be an understatement. It is their choice, I would say. He would then take the issue personally. How the guy took advantage of the girl’s vulnerability. How f*cked up his own people were.

 

Recently, in between tequila shots, a Canadian tourist – who intentionally dropped the word writer and the name of the university I was teaching in front of the resort’s bartender so I would not be mistaken as a hooker (but at the back of my mind, he did it for his own sake) – kept on bringing up the case of his friend’s date that night. This 23-year-old single mom’s foreign lover paid for her apartment rent, while her petite 20-year-old sister married a fat old westerner. He would later insist it was not a matter of choice at all. If I – he said – would date one, it would be a life I chose for myself. But this girl, he pointed out, thought there was nothing else for her. This was the only way out, and it was saddening, he said.

 

(COMMON SIGHT. Stumbling across foreign tourists is inevitable, at the back of the author are fishermen ogling at the scene: a Filipina and two 6-foot tall foreigners. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering       

COMMON SIGHT. Stumbling across foreign tourists is inevitable, at the back of the author are fishermen ogling at the scene: a Filipina and two 6-foot tall foreigners. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering)

 

I was tempted to agree with him. But why do we see a young Filipina and an old foreigner in the first place? Why can't we see two people in love with each other? Is it not possible?

 

“It isn’t. Or it’s hard. Especially if the girl wears a skimpy dress and walks awkwardly in 3-inch stilettos in the country. It’s hard, if the guy just does the talking and the woman feigns interest. It’s even worse when they do not talk at all – the guy staring blankly in the horizon, the girl tinkering with her phone.”

 

That is just a case of bad fashion, I said. And I know an interracial couple – an Italian guy and a Filipino girl – who are crazy about each other but rarely talk in public. I have some high school classmates who married Westerners twice their age, and it seems like the marriage is working just fine.

 

Just like the kids at Siargao, the people in my hometown think marrying a foreigner is the answer to poverty. Unsolicited, unintentionally hurtful words like “Ay, Nene (my mother), modato namo. Naay foreigner si Jona.” “Ay, Nene, you would be rich. Jona got a foreigner.” (Got, not has, because people made it sound I caught a big fish.) My family has to defend me because they know better than anyone else that rumors like this would bring out the lurking tigress-female bull hybrid in me.

 

When I voiced out the uncertainty of the path I chose for myself – not getting a routine 8-5 job and juggling three for freedom instead – even some of my so-called friends in the city would say, “It's all right, you got a foreign boyfriend.” That is utterly offensive. A boyfriend, regardless of his race, is not a bank. One’s life is not someone else’s responsibility. I tend to preach this to close girlfriends. Over and over again.

 

It seems like my own people’s prejudice against young dark-skinned women is not as varied as the islands of our archipelagic country. It is singular. Painfully singular. I wonder if fair-skinned Filipina travelers are asked the same question.

 

(More from Jona Branzuela Bering 

My Sinulog: The personal and the collective

Cebu: Tales of a city-walker)

 

Last month, while biking my way from my secret beach to the highway somewhere in southern Cebu, I stopped by the kalachuchi tree to admire its beautiful leafless branches and waited for a school girl to pass so I could frame her with the tree. A shirtless local resident propped his torso against the threshold and asked if the old foreign guy he saw walking earlier was my husband.

 

While touring with two gigantic Canadian doctors through Oslob’s whale shark interaction, the boatman joked it would be fine if I dropped my underwater camera because I got a foreigner. While walking around Apo Island, a woman hand-washing by her house stated my husband must be a foreigner because I traveled alone and walked around with an expensive camera. Does this mean, a Filipino partner would not allow his girlfriend to travel alone?

 

And just this weekend, a young local man at Malapascua accused my friend and me that we would only go out with the foreigners we chatted with after the disco in the barrio. He looked to his friends for support and a possible resbak. We ran away from him laughing and made sure all windows and the door of our room were locked.

 

Gay, the lovely woman behind pinaytraveljunkie.com, trots the world with Luna, her baby girl. And sometimes she is asked about the age of her daughter’s father. And she always quips, “I am older.”

 

Even Lea, a free spirit I met at Coron and an Instagram sensation, is not spared for she chose to stay out in the sun. She was born rich and manages the resort her parents built in Siargao.

 

Emily – a Filipina traveler I admire, and by the way, has a Filipino partner and has never had a foreign boyfriend – found this unjust. There were times she would really avoid foreign travelers who approached her. She was afraid of what others would say. She then realized she wasted a lot of possibilities of genuine friendship.

 

In my case, every time I make a major purchase like a camera, I sometimes feel the need to explain how I funded it. I quit going to my favorite coffee shop because I noticed it became a meeting place for old expats and their young girlfriends.

 

Pained and offended from a series of humiliations, I once asked an old foreign diver I met at Apo Island, “Why do you go out with a young Filipina in the first place? Why don’t you go out with a woman your own age? Why?” I knew I sounded rude.

 

“Because she said she loved me,” shared a bulky diver in his mid-50s.

 

“And you believed it? What if it’s your money she’s after?”

 

“Because I thought it was true. But then she eloped with her Filipino boyfriend.”

 

Perhaps these older guys, just like the rest of us, are simply looking for love. (If someone were looking for true love, why would he search for girls generations younger than him, my ex rebutted.) Perhaps the Siargaonon girl loves her man, and him supporting her financially is just consequential. (And frankly, it does not take an interracial couple to have this set-up.) Perhaps the girl who eloped with another man did not find the love she was looking for with this diver expat. I don’t know.

 

In confusing moments like this, I take comfort from poetry. Who can teach a heart what the heart desires? A Merlie Alunan poem would be a good reminder at times like this.

 

Some would ask why I could not just bypass these. I sometimes do. I sometimes joke about it. Like in Oslob, while I was buying three bottled waters, a man asked if I was there with a Westerner. And I said yes, two of them. And he asked who my boyfriend was, and I joked I loved both of them. He wanted to apply as the third. We had a good laugh.

 

(BRIGHT SIDE. At the end of the day, the author considers herself lucky to be paid for what she loves doing – writing, taking photos, and teaching literature. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering  

 

BRIGHT SIDE. At the end of the day, the author considers herself lucky to be paid for what she loves doing – writing, taking photos, and teaching literature. Photo by Jona Branzuela Bering)

 

But most of the time, it feels like a moral guillotine pushed against us dark Filipinas.

 

The story is not just about my bruised female pride. It reflects how our society sees its women – dependent and powerless. It reflects how dark skin is viewed by many as the color of poverty, seldom of beauty and independence.

 

“Strong,” as Gay captioned in the photo of Luna sitting on her tummy while doing a yoga pose, “is not the new sexy, it has always been the sexy.” It has always been. But many people choose to look the other way.

 

Even the titling of this essay did not come easy. I originally chose “dark,” but a male writer friend suggested changing it to “sun-kissed” instead because it sounded poetic, while “dark” sounded “fetishized” and “exoticized.”

 

"Sun-kissed," I thought, would work just fine for travel brochures; "dark," for me, sounded more powerful and direct. "Exotic" did not cross my mind. A female traveler asked why "dark" was even there.

 

Or why write this article in the first place?

 

Does it mean I am just one of the very few who have this concern? Am I just over-analyzing?

 

Foreign acquaintances say they find our TV commercials odd. A minute would not pass by without an ad on whitening lotion or soap. They often see local girls scamper towards the shade or worse, stroll around the beach with an umbrella or a towel on their heads. We are obsessed with whiteness, and I feel like we still have many colonial hang-ups. And admittedly, this is one of the reasons I rarely travel with girlfriends. Although I love them, it is sometimes annoying to see them all covered up on the beach like they are going to trek Mt. Apo. When they travel with me, I have a list of dos and don’ts. No whining about the heat tops the list.

 

Even my family and close friends make fun of my skin. They sometimes called me uling, charcoal, lagum, dark. Emily – a surfer, a trekker, and a runner – felt betrayed by her own people when they prioritized westerners over her. Reiza, a Pinay living and working in Africa, learned how to fight back every time she got teased.

 

Isn’t staying dark or whitening one’s skin just like choosing what pad to use when that time of the month arrives? Isn’t it a matter of conscious decision? Or maybe I just wish it were that simple. Friends who are literary critics, I know, would have isms ready at their disposal. Say, the fixation with whitening one’s skin is a (by)product of neocolonialism.

 

Perhaps getting and staying dark is a form of statement, a form of protest against our patriarchal, whitening product-obsessed society.

 

My skin color, my hair, my body are testaments to my being. They mean I have reached places and continue to do so. I am Jona. I choose to travel. – Rappler.com

 

Jona Branzuela Bering is a writer and photographer from Cebu, Philippines. When she is not traveling, she gardens, teaches, and becomes the slave of two cats. She is scared out of her wits about traveling in Asia alone this coming June and July. Follow her travels on Instagram @travelingjona or on her blog Backpacking with a Book.

Edited March 14, 2015 by i am bob
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[lonewolf]

very good and interesting article. an eye opener. she one of the country s hope for change. more younge people like her can be a catylist for change.

[mogo51]

I read the full aritcle from the link and found it extremely interesting. The writer gives a very perceptive

take on what occurs in Asian countries frequented by Westerners. Many of them are elderly and find 'comfort' often

with young Asian women.

I have spent a lot of time the past 6 years in Thailand and had 3 trips to Phils. I will retire as soon as possible

with my gf to Phils, she is Filipino. There is 14 years difference in our ages, not excessive IMO.

Whilst here in Asia I have seen many of the westerners with young women, often wheeling prams with young babies.

My concern in these situations, is not for the westerner nor the young woman, it is for the child that will be

left without a father figure when the 60/70 westerner checks out.

Is the westerner financially stable enough to leave sufficient funds for the education and life of the child?

But still the child will be lacking that fatherly figure in many instances.

i bounced around on the dating sites for sometime, until I sat down and worked out what I was really looking for.

I decided I wanted a lasting relationship, with an educated, sensible, caring relationship, with a mature woman

with no children at hand (grown up ok). That is what I found and I have never regretted a moment.

My happiness levels are at an all time high.

I am never asked for hand outs and we have a wonderful communicative life together. She is still funding her

youngest son through Uni (almost finished) and her other children were Uni educated thanks to her devotion.

I will give you a little insight into the woman. Last night we went to a bar and I met up with a few of my Aussie

mates. Next door were markets and she wanted to do some shopping for her daughter. I gave her some money to buy

rice, veges etc. She returned and told me she was sorry but she borrowed 200 bht as she was short for something

she wanted to buy. As soon as we walked into the house, she went and got the 200 bht. (I gave it back to her)

she never ceases to amaze me with her principles.

Edited March 15, 2015 by mogo51

[Jack Peterson]

 I once asked my Wife (Then my GF) why she always kept covered up, she said it was a Filipino thing, we don't want to be dark, people will think I am poor and from the Streets/ mountains or where ever, well I told her that is just so silly, You are what you are and as far as I can see and read into it, you are making the best of life that you can, but Honey, I don't want to be too dark for you, people will think I am a colured and many say white people don't like to have a  Dark Coloured Wife.

 

Babe I got news for you I said, You are Coloured and Light, Dark or in between, I love you and soon we will be married.

Sometimes I think we all forget it is not the outside that matters but what is on the Inside. :)

Rank, Status, Background, Social standing, Pink, Blue, Indigo or Violet, They are our ladies  & we should be there with them for that very reason. They are OUR ladies, not owned but wanted.

As to the Article, I am sure the Young lady will be fine, she has her Head and wits about her. Stand up and be counted. :thumbsup:

 

JP :tiphat:

[lyno 47]

It is funny in some ways, the woman in Australia lay out in the sun to get that tan that is considered a healthy look ,here woman spend there spare cash on whitening creams while there counter parts at home spend there extra money purchasing tanning creams.

No matter which way you look at it we are all brothers and sisters under the skin,so a particular colour makes no difference at all.

[MacBubba]

I once asked my Wife (Then my GF) why she always kept covered up, she said it was a Filipino thing, we don't want to be dark, people will think I am poor and from the Streets/ mountains or where ever, well I told her that is just so silly,

 

When we vacationed in Panama, we came across two Filipino-Canadian couples who travelled together.  When on the beach, we could spot them a mile away because of the shroud of material  (sarong) that the women wore to keep themselves from getting dark. 

 

My wife likes the sarongs because they are pretty, but she only uses them to sit around at resort restaurants after heading in from the beach.  She likes some sun, but really dislikes the freckles she gets after prolonged exposure.

[Larry45]

Interesting girl....upset that others are judging her, yet still judges others.  She likes dating foreigners, yet gets upset when she is characterized in that manner.  Her hypocrisy would be endless.  She is actually the kind of girl that I would meet in a bar, quarrel endlessly with, and end up taking her back to my room.  In my single days, of course ;)  

[Thomas]

Whilst here in Asia I have seen many of the westerners with young women, often wheeling prams with young babies. My concern in these situations, is not for the westerner nor the young woman, it is for the child that will be left without a father figure when the 60/70 westerner checks out. Is the westerner financially stable enough to leave sufficient funds for the education and life of the child? But still the child will be lacking that fatherly figure in many instances.

In my case I DON'T want a 20 year old, but because of I want to get 2 (3) chikdren, my wife would need to be around 30.  (Otherwice I suppouse I would go for one 40 or so.)

I plan to become 90   :)   or so.  (Most men in my family has become 87-95. My grandmother was rather much younger than my grandfather, but she died before him anyway.)  But of course it isn't sure I will become old, so I will have to plan to cover if I die before the kids are grown ups too.

1. In Sweden the surviving spouse get extra only SHORT time to get chance to ADJUST to the new income (e g by selling house) No difference between men and women, it was changed to of equal sex reasons some years ago.  

BUT if I die before kids become 19, and if it's 2 kids, then the wife will get around 60 % of my retirement pay. But I have been "to good" acountant, so that will be litle in our messure, but rather much in Filipino messure, so they better not get expensive habbits   :)

2.  I will try to develop a business, which they can GO ON handling and earning from after I have died.  The plan is I will work hard in the beginning and handle almost all leading until the youngest kid is 8-10 or so, so less work with caretaking, teaching my wife step by step to handle more and more of the leading herself (or the kids if I will be in shape enough years so they become old enough).  =I "retire" step by step the more my wife get time from house work and learn to handle parts of the business herself. 

3. Because of this I hesitate if geting the big but rather simple HOUSE I want, or something less expensive to be sure it will be fully PAID, when I die.

 

Concerning lacking a father figuere, I hope they will miss ME  :)       but there are several men in the family-in-law so I don't believe that would be any big problem.  The plan is to settle some away from the family-in-law, but if we have a big house, I guess my wife will let some of her family move there after I have died.

[mogo51]

Whilst here in Asia I have seen many of the westerners with young women, often wheeling prams with young babies. My concern in these situations, is not for the westerner nor the young woman, it is for the child that will be left without a father figure when the 60/70 westerner checks out. Is the westerner financially stable enough to leave sufficient funds for the education and life of the child? But still the child will be lacking that fatherly figure in many instances.

In my case I DON'T want a 20 year old, but because of I want to get 2 (3) chikdren, my wife would need to be around 30.  (Otherwice I suppouse I would go for one 40 or so.)

I plan to become 90   :)   or so.  (Most men in my family has become 87-95. My grandmother was rather much younger than my grandfather, but she died before him anyway.)  But of course it isn't sure I will become old, so I will have to plan to cover if I die before the kids are grown ups too.

1. In Sweden the surviving spouse get extra only SHORT time to get chance to ADJUST to the new income (e g by selling house) No difference between men and women, it was changed to of equal sex reasons some years ago.  

BUT if I die before kids become 19, and if it's 2 kids, then the wife will get around 60 % of my retirement pay. But I have been "to good" acountant, so that will be litle in our messure, but rather much in Filipino messure, so they better not get expensive habbits   :)

2.  I will try to develop a business, which they can GO ON handling and earning from after I have died.  The plan is I will work hard in the beginning and handle almost all leading until the youngest kid is 8-10 or so, so less work with caretaking, teaching my wife step by step to handle more and more of the leading herself (or the kids if I will be in shape enough years so they become old enough).  =I "retire" step by step the more my wife get time from house work and learn to handle parts of the business herself. 

3. Because of this I hesitate if geting the big but rather simple HOUSE I want, or something less expensive to be sure it will be fully PAID, when I die.

 

Concerning lacking a father figuere, I hope they will miss ME  :)       but there are several men in the family-in-law so I don't believe that would be any big problem.  The plan is to settle some away from the family-in-law, but if we have a big house, I guess my wife will let some of her family move there after I have died.

You seem to have most things covered, so hopefully it will work out as planned, but often the best plans laid by man etc.

Me, no great ambitions to set age records, having seen my mother struggle with Alzimers and Dementia for 30 years my

biggest concern, is going up the same track. So far thankfully nothing has emerged.

[MacBubba]

Interesting girl....upset that others are judging her, yet still judges others.

 

I don't know.  It sounds like she has taken more than her fair share of being judged.  She has her reasons for being upset (might be a strong word...more like peeved), and she is just relating them.