chris49 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 My gfs uncle is high ranking in the police department here..he genuinely likes me and is helpful. For instance..i went to lto to get my license and was fast tracked. That would be Superintendant in the province, smallish town. This is one your side and is one hell of an asset here in the Phils. If ever you did break up with this girl and you decide to live in this community it will definitely reverse back on you, I don't think you could live here. Bottom line here: you love this girl as it seems from all your additional posts, but you don't yet trust her 100% and it's vice versa. I think you work this through over time, but maybe don't get married yet, maybe in a year. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ynot Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Given all the information that you have provided, I tend to agree with RBM to a certain extent. Depending how long they were together, the feeling by the ex bf could still be there, but it appears you have some good family connections with the gf uncle. Sometimes people are quick to judge and on limited info you can sometimes jump to the wrong conclusion. Based on your last post it appears your gf is a good one, the only worrying concern is that she did not provide you all the information that the trike driver provided when you spoke to him, but that may be explained away because she did not want to worry you too much. Trust until you have a reason not to trust 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) These things are really hard to judge. On balance I would say the gf is OK. The specific danger is that the guy lost face in front of the trike drivers. This is what you need to worry about, not the girl's fidelity. It is entirely possible that he will be brooding on his lost face (he is a security guard, hence by definition in a "macho" employment). The fact that he held his hand out to you tells us "Old Philippines Hands" that this was a serious loss of face for him - the only way he could leave was to shake your hand and that does NOT mean "it's over". Be EXTREMELY careful. You are obviously bigger and tougher than the ex-boyfriend and that means that if he is still seething with anger and lost face he may be back either with his barkadas and with knives or with a gun.Be warned that this may go on for months and you will not be safe until he has regained his face.The solution is necessarily to give him face. It may be possible to engineer a meeting with him on neutral territory with plenty of others around and to do something together (karaoke, basketball, whatever) that indicates that you are on friendly terms. Ask your girl's family (male members of). Edited May 21, 2015 by Methersgate 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris49 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 These things are really hard to judge. On balance I would say the gf is OK. The specific danger is that the guy lost face in front of the trike drivers. This is what you need to worry about, not the girl's fidelity. It is entirely possible that he will be brooding on his lost face (he is a security guard, hence by definition in a "macho" employment). The fact that he held his hand out to you tells us "Old Philippines Hands" that this was a serious loss of face for him - the only way he could leave was to shake your hand and that does NOT mean "it's over". Be EXTREMELY careful. You are obviously bigger and tougher than the ex-boyfriend and that means that if he is still seething with anger and lost face he may be back either with his barkadas and with knives or with a gun. Be warned that this may go on for months and you will not be safe until he has regained his face. The solution is necessarily to give him face. It may be possible to engineer a meeting with him on neutral territory with plenty of others around and to do something together (karaoke, basketball, whatever) that indicates that you are on friendly terms. Ask your girl's family (male members of). Disagree, meeting the guy introduces a whole new angle to a situation which might not even be real.. Also tentatively disagree that the OP is in some kind of grave danger. Agree on being careful of course, but Filipino's kill each other, they do not frequently kill foreigners, the implications and punishments are much more extreme. Most murder cases go unsolved but not the ones involving a foreigner. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) Ok engineering a meeting may be too much.It can be a very simple thing like greeting him pleasantly in the street or (ideally) in church.But I do NOT think it is safe to assume that "nothing will happen".The fit (merchant navy officer) 26 year old Scottish son of a friend was murdered by his girlfriend's "ex" a couple of years ago. It does happen.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Edited May 21, 2015 by Methersgate 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris49 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Ok engineering a meeting may be too much. It can be a very simple thing like greeting him pleasantly in the street or (ideally) in church. But I do NOT think it is safe to assume that "nothing will happen". The fit (merchant navy officer) 26 year old son of a friend was murdered by his girlfriend's "ex" a couple of years ago. It does happen. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Yes ok, all things must be considered. How about a quick combination of punches leaving the guy alive but unconscious :rolleyes: :rolleyes:, I'm lightening here the situation by being funny. Worth a shot Methersgate? You think? Ok engineering a meeting may be too much. It can be a very simple thing like greeting him pleasantly in the street or (ideally) in church. But I do NOT think it is safe to assume that "nothing will happen". The fit (merchant navy officer) 26 year old son of a friend was murdered by his girlfriend's "ex" a couple of years ago. It does happen. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Yes ok, all things must be considered. How about a quick combination of punches leaving the guy alive but unconscious :rolleyes: :rolleyes:, I'm lightening here the situation by being funny. Worth a shot Methersgate? You think? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WordsandMusic Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 In my experience most boyfriends move on to greener pastures. A woman is a woman is a woman, after all there are plenty of woman in the Philippines for a man with a job. Except if she is a really good woman, you know the (one that got away). This would explain the long time frame in which he has dwelled on her. From all accounts, she is a good woman, respected and loved. It is highly possible this other guy was abusive and took her for granite, he is living with his choices and was shocked she left him. Unfortunately, this doesn't diminish safety issues. Yes, you have allies and assets, but I would make sure they are all aware of the conversation and circumstance in which you met him. The priest might shed some light on this man and the relationship if you told them you were concerned for your safety. The more you air that night out the cleaner it will become. Another words, if there is dirt to be shaken out, talking about it will help. I have been in this situation here in the states, if the girl hadn't been absolutely a perfect human being, I would have moved on when the Ex- kept coming around and getting in my face. But she was a keeper and I fought for her and our relationship. He finally gave up after 4 or 5 months and that was that. I lost her to illness two years later, but she was the one for sure. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) Yes ok, all things must be considered. How about a quick combination of punches leaving the guy alive but unconscious , I'm lightening here the situation by being funny. Worth a shot Methersgate? You think? No, I really don't recommend that. Actually, I don't find it funny. The son of a friend of mine got killed in such a situation.Not something I laugh about. Sorry . Edited May 21, 2015 by Methersgate 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calasiaobound Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 Thanks everyone. I came here cautiously. Having frequented two other forums on the Phil's before this one..I was given a lot of scary advice and frankly..I expected her to be phony. But after all the experiences and meetings..observing her and getting to know her..she put most of my worries to rest. Then this happened and the red flags unfurled and I got suspicious again. Its good to be able to "talk" this stuff out with others..I can over think things with out an outlet..so I appreciate the time everyone took to relay their feelings and opinions.. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I have noticed that if there is any question about a woman's sincerity, fidelity, and such like, most people - and I include Filipinos - will tend to say "don't trust her". If you extend this to Filipinas, none of them will suggest that you trust her - women are much harder on each other than men are. However I think this has to do with people's idea of the safe advice to give, rather than any objective assessment. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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