The Care And Feeding Of An Expat

[Jake]

The Tourist phase

Most of us arrive prepared and the anxiety of meeting a young and beautiful female for the 1st time can be an earth shattering experience -- talk about getting all hot and bothered.....he, he.  Some of us arrive unprepared and some of us arrive with undesirable baggages.  We escape our old problems but gain a new set of problems in PI.  The tourist phase abruptly terminates when you're just about dead broke.  Only a few hundred pesos in your pocket and it's another two weeks for the next SS or retirement check. Watcha ya gonna do?   

 

The transitional phase

This could be the make or break deal.  How do I transition from being a tourist to a local?  The care and feeding of an expat while going through this phase can be quite daunting.  For the benefit of the new guys, I think we should remind ourselves about lessons learned (or didn't learn) and mention briefly here.  This OP should serve as a master list of do's and don'ts.  

 

For example:

1.  Don't shake it too much after you pee against that wall (when in Rome, do as the Filipinos do)

2.  You can get nuts to butts here -- no personal space what's so ever

3.  Always chase down mystery meat on a stick with some cold San Magoo

4.  Get yourself a megawatt amplifier to hear yourself think, as your neighbor blasts away, singing My Way

5.  Always bring a flashlight with you -- you can never walk a straight line here with minefields of dog chit 

6.  Learn the local body language -- puckering your lips does not mean you want to kiss somebody

     Pop quiz for the new guys -- what is the meaning of tapping two fingers against your forearm?

7.  Under the table is part of the Rules of the Jungle

8.  Crocodile tears are plentiful here

9.  Doing the Joe Squat is the favorite pastime for hours

10. Learn to tsismis (gossip) with the labandera and make sure your balls doesn't hang out while your sitting down

      on a very short stool while washing your dirty clothes (it happened to me....it wasn't a pretty sight)

 

So on and so forth......and the list can go on por-eber.

 

Have a nice day guys -- Jake

Edited June 22, 2015 by Jake

[chris49]

Pop quiz for the new guys -- what is the meaning of tapping two fingers against your forearm?

 

I decided to skip the rest of your post, it means to me......"Papa let's go to bed and no I am not tired"

 

 

 Only a few hundred pesos in your pocket and it's another two weeks for the next SS or retirement check. Watcha ya gonna do?   A few hundred is not a good example, but let's say you run it down to 1500-2000 over 10-14 days, you have maybe 100-150/day to work with and everything in the house is running low, and it's not only you and her you are feeding.

 

This really is a classic test of love, respect and loyalty on the part of the partner. Highly likely it was you and her, or you trying to keep her happy, and that's what ran the money down. Gina's no angel, not always anyway, because she will fritter away small amounts of money in the market buying this and that esp on market day.

 

What she will do here is put everything on lockdown to try to get us through the difficult period. Food is minimised, but we still eat, stuff like coffee, sugar etc, as it runs out will not be replaced. She might use her contacts to get a few small credits in the market, but what ever it takes she will pull us through. A good test of love, if you agree.

 

Come payday she reverts to being Gina, who can't plan 2 days ahead  because that's the way she is.

Edited June 21, 2015 by chris49

[Tukaram (Tim)]

As far as the actual feeding goes... my wife has talked to other wives and they are all amazed at how easy I am to feed.  :)

 

Bitter melon makes a good breakfast.  I don't need beef very often, pork & chicken are fine... she can cook it however she wants...  Just no seafood or jackfruit. 

 

If we start to run low on money just keep both of us away from the mall.    :tiphat:

[Jack Peterson]

Apparently! our wives know, that we must be fed contently   

 

yeah we know it's True  :rolleyes:

 

JP :tiphat:

[Guy F.]

As far as the actual feeding goes... my wife has talked to other wives and they are all amazed at how easy I am to feed.  :)

 

Bitter melon makes a good breakfast.  I don't need beef very often, pork & chicken are fine... she can cook it however she wants...  Just no seafood or jackfruit. 

 

If we start to run low on money just keep both of us away from the mall.    :tiphat:

Aversion to jackfruit is understandable. Is it any of our business why there will be no seafood for you?

[Tukaram (Tim)]

 

As far as the actual feeding goes... my wife has talked to other wives and they are all amazed at how easy I am to feed.  :)

 

Bitter melon makes a good breakfast.  I don't need beef very often, pork & chicken are fine... she can cook it however she wants...  Just no seafood or jackfruit. 

 

If we start to run low on money just keep both of us away from the mall.    :tiphat:

Aversion to jackfruit is understandable. Is it any of our business why there will be no seafood for you?

 

 

Because it taste like the ocean ha ha.   In the US I eat fried shrimp but here they have too strong a fishy taste.  If you are from the US you may be familiar with Long John Silver's or Capt D's - their flavorless white fish is almost to fishy tasting for me.  :tiphat:

[Guy F.]

I sympathize. My experience has been that seafood in the PI is much better (and cheaper!) than it is here. Really fresh fish is impossible to get. A lot of the frozen fish is farm-raised and has a musty taste.

[Crocodile]

4.  Get yourself a megawatt amplifier to hear yourself think, as your neighbor blasts away, singing My Way

 

I was recently on Olango Island (if you haven't been there, look it up - I highly recommend it) and apparently the festival was a few weeks prior so they still had the sound system from the festival.  They set up the speakers at the end of a T-Intersection and I can only say that the speaker stack was about 20ft x 20ft and VERY VERY LOUD!!!  The videoke places were definitely secondary within a 1000ft radius.

[i am bob]

Ah, yes, the 2 finger tap... I had 3 of the local nannies all taking turns tapping my arm and I didn't have a clue what it was about... Of course, my friend (a Filipino) was laughing so hard he had to go find a tree to water! :D

Edited June 25, 2015 by i am bob
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