Are You Prepared

[stevewool]

 

But still they come in the hoards and build the biggest houses

 

 

curious.jpg EH? Who do?

 

Just Asking here.

 

Jack  :)

 

I understand what you was asking Jack , the people who are looking for some one special in there life i hope these are the people i ment to say

[davewe]

Been divorced before and got knocked down but not out. There's a lot of focus on the finances but not as much on the heart. I'm tough enough that I know I could take it but still it would be a hard blow - because I do love my wife.

 

As to the finances, the focus is on the fact that she has the title to the house and of course that's true. But if you get divorced in the West the best you can hope for is to own half the house (if you're lucky) and chances are you will lose your shirt on everything else. And then there's alimony and child support. I am paying child support comparable to what some guys live on in the Philippines. So I sure don't think it's worse in the Philippines. Divorce is a killer wherever you are.

 

I also think there is the lifelong debate about what to plan for. Do you plan for the worst (pre-nup, keeping cash separate, hiding assets, etc.). While this sounds like a reasonable strategy there is the thought that planning for the worst makes it easier to happen. I don't have an answer to this because I don't want to be a fool. But I do believe there is something to be said for planning for the best and taking your chances. For example I have traveled often to Phils and other 3rd world places, when I know many friends think it's too risky. But I'm not a complete idiot - I protect my cash when I travel. So there's a constant juggling act between how much to protect yourself and how much to live life and take a chance.

 

OTOH, if I end up on the streets in Dumaguete hopefully JP will stake me to a cup of coffee :)

[NIgelmac1401]

Gentlemen,

 

Having divorced in 2 different countries (continents), a word of advice always keep the bulk of your assets finances in an offshore account that ONLY you have access to, so worst case scenario only the house, condo etc can be taken.

Might be wise to only invest, at least at the start (first 5 years of a relationship), what you can afford to loose, if you go all in, in poker as in life you have to be prepared to loose it and move on. If you accept this reality and follow those guidelines then enjoy.

[Snowy79]

I think I've been around long enough now to fully grasp the culture here. From my perspective and that of a few more seasoned veterans I can't emphasise enough the old adage of not investing more than you can afford to lose. 

I relate to my time in the military as a boss and having to advise the youngsters about some of their potential spouses. I'd listen to the same stories that I'd heard 100 times and pretty much knew in 90% of the cases how things would pan out but would they listen? They all were convinced they're the one that would prove me wrong. Sure enough 6 months later they'd be back in my office tails between their legs. 

Now living in the Philippines I'm seeing it with so called educated adults.  Meeting strangers on line and investing their life's savings on their dream partner.  You try to advise them but get the " it's true love, she's different."  It doesn't matter how many examples you give of couples so in love that suddenly separate once the house is built or couples that split up and a few hours later the love of their life has moved onto a guy she just met on line ten minutes after separating, yes some are that cut throat. 

I'm actually helping a friend just now who told me his partner walked out once she found out he had run low on money.  I'm away from where he is due to Covid so asked a friend to keep an eye on him as he took the break up bad.  My friend then told me that'll explain why she was flirting with a load of guys at billiards.  She has one kid by him ( maybe) and another on the way. 

I've learned to buy a decent sized condo and live with your partner long enough to see if the mask slips and then you've still got somewhere to live if things go pear shaped. 

[Freebie]

The key as others have commented is having enough savings to weather any storm, and for those savings to be where you can control it. Whatever the country ones spouse/partner comes from theres always going an element of mistrust somewhere along the way. Maybe there are perfect marriages where people share everything but a sensible man, having seen and heard and read ( and maybe experienced a scam or two ) will know to have Plan B money somewhere away from prying eyes. .. always remember what can go wrong , can go wrong.

Or as Joe Louis said,  " I dont like money but it quiets the nerves "

[hk blues]

To be 100% brutal - I think in a whole lot of countries,  mine included, when you get a guy in a relationship with a women 25+ or more years his junior, you've got to ask what's in it for either party.  That said, it's probably more direct here and can turn nastier quicker.  

I keep my cash safe and well far from here - not because I don't trust my wife but I'm less sure about the banks here.  

 

 

[NIgelmac1401]

4 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

I think I've been around long enough now to fully grasp the culture here. From my perspective and that of a few more seasoned veterans I can't emphasise enough the old adage of not investing more than you can afford to lose. 

I relate to my time in the military as a boss and having to advise the youngsters about some of their potential spouses. I'd listen to the same stories that I'd heard 100 times and pretty much knew in 90% of the cases how things would pan out but would they listen? They all were convinced they're the one that would prove me wrong. Sure enough 6 months later they'd be back in my office tails between their legs. 

Now living in the Philippines I'm seeing it with so called educated adults.  Meeting strangers on line and investing their life's savings on their dream partner.  You try to advise them but get the " it's true love, she's different."  It doesn't matter how many examples you give of couples so in love that suddenly separate once the house is built or couples that split up and a few hours later the love of their life has moved onto a guy she just met on line ten minutes after separating, yes some are that cut throat. 

 

Hi Snowy,

I can relate to what you are saying here both as a vet myself and having worked a long time in a security Mgmt role in Africa bailing Expats out of "sticky" situations, and despite showing them red flags prior to the eventual, and in most cases inevitable dirty break up, human nature is what it is and even the most seasoned of us will want to follow our hearts and believe that we have found the rare pearl we are as Rober Palmer sung "addicted to love" and when it come in the form of a cute 25 year old whom cares for "all" your needs then why not take a chance on it but as I previously said don't go all in.

HK Blues is also right in what he has said that when we take a woman half our age we can expect that there is not an interest fro her to so that issue should be addressed from the start,  you should be honest with yourself, she is not with you because you look like Brad Pitt or because you are hung like a horse, she is looking for financial comfort and peace of mind and there is nothing wrong with that it is perfectly natural, however when you see that the relationship is getting serious and although this can be a brutally honest conversation you should establish ground rules 

• How much you are going to give her per month.
• Tell her that this is for her clothes and daily living expenses
• Tell her this includes any money she might want to give her family Regardless of the emergency (very important)

Women are very proud and especially in the PH from what I have read so lets say the agreed amount is 25,000 pesos and you estimate your house/condo living costs at another 25,000, you can give her het onto the account the 50,000 Pesos per month (paid into an account in her name) but with the full understanding, put it in writing if necessary (that sounds brutal but it might save your arse later), exactly what you expect this amount to cover family, her living expenses, house ,food, water, electricity. Explain to her that whatever of that amount  is leftover is hers this will encourage her to be economical with it.

The amounts quoted above depend on your budget, lifestyle etc. but don't be mean if you love her be generous with the pre-established amounts.

The above kind of arrangement does not stop you from buying her presents but it establishes clearly defined roles in the relationship and gives her a certain financial independence or at least the feeling of, and avoids putting her and you in the awkward position of her asking you for money all the time.

I am not saying the above will work for everybody but its a way that removes a lot of the hassle from a relationship and can provide the legal framework for a defence at a later date should things turn sour. 

Nota Beni: No 2 people, 2 women, 2 islands, 2 countries, are the same the above will not apply to everyone there is no hard and fixed rule in love and life.

[Jollygoodfellow]

7 minutes ago, NIgelmac1401 said:

Nota Beni: No 2 people, 2 women, 2 islands, 2 countries, are the same the above will not apply to everyone there is no hard and fixed rule in love and life.

What's your point or objective on this forum? 

[NIgelmac1401]

Hi Jollygoodfellow, Good question is their an introduction thread so maybe I can explain ? I did look ......

 

2 minutes ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

What's your point or objective on this forum? 

 

[Ozapriliaguy]

6 hours ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

What's your point or objective on this forum? 

I'm still trying to come to terms with the objective/s of this forum. Is it your private little knitting circle? This thread has been dead as a Dodo for 5 years and the guy posts some salient points...I agree with some of it, but not all of it. But hey, you really need to get a grip. It's a FORUM, not your living room where you choose only the sycophants for company and opinions.

Edited July 21, 2020 by Ozapriliaguy