Finding The Right Filipina Part 2

[Vince Runza]

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

What I want to propose to you, the Reader, is a system you can test, in real life, for getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want. I'm not proposing the Ultimate Answer to the question. These will be a good set of working rules that have been field tested, tweaked, and give reliable results.

Who Are You?

Begin at the foundation. Who, exactly, are you? Typecast yourself. Write out a list of traits that sum you up. This can be difficult, painful, and incomplete. Tough. Do it. Unless and until you have a clear picture in your mind of who YOU are, you won't be able to make an informed choice of a fitting partner for life. If you have the nerve to do so, ask people you know casually to describe you. They can get to the main points easily, rather than someone who knows you well. Expect a few eye-openers if you do this.

What Do You Want?

This is different for every person. Make another list of traits, behaviors, attitudes, abilities, etc., that you want in a mate. Make a separate list of deal-killers: stuff you absolutely want to avoid in your Lady Love. Get this clear in your mind. As for her appearance, you might find that first impressions don't always have a lasting value. Most importantly, realize that you will be revising these lists as you start to do field work.

What's In It For Her?

This is where you become more than just a hunter of prey. Think carefully about what you bring to the table in a Long Term Relationship. Yes, money matters, but that can't be the foundation of lasting satisfaction. How much and how often are you willing to give your attention, care, respect, and intelligence to supporting her?

Why Bother With All This?

Because the Philippines is a different culture, with different rules and expectations. You will need to develop some street-smarts before you dive into marriage there. Keep in mind, if you marry in the Philippines, there's no divorce and a hefty prison sentence for infidelity. Therefore, 'winging it' has risks you can avoid with some sensible planning and learning.

Learn To Say 'No'

Along the way, you will find women who are worth a date, but not a wedding. Perhaps you have trouble saying 'No'. Tough! Do it! "I'm sorry, but I'm not the right man for you. I want you to be free to find that man. Goodbye." Once you are done with a particular prospect, you MUST cut her off completely. None of this, "Maybe, in the future, if things change" garbage! Say goodbye and mean it. NEVER give a woman false hope, to spare her feelings. You're not sparing her feelings -- you're salving your own feelings.

No Cyber

Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. No, it isn't. Despite the success stories you read (and hear) about pen-pals and dating website romances, save it. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Internet dating is a specific skill set, which requires specific knowledge, and is too tedious for me to 'train' newbies. Some of you will disagree. That's fine. I'm right and you're wrong, but that's fine. :36_6_3[1]:

Let the comments commence.

Edited November 19, 2015 by Vince Runza

[Methersgate]

So far, so excellent.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Larry45]

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

 

  

Solid info for both new arrivals and old hands....keep it up.  I met a guy once here in Ormoc that had written a book on this subject, but his main points (as he told me, I didn't read the book) were that it's more of an 'arrangement' than a 'relationship' and money is always the biggest attraction for the Filipina.  He was with a smoking hot young lady and I was new in town, so I couldn't really argue with him.  The book has gotten good reviews and done quite well.  Not sure if a book is your intentions, but it's nice to see you have a little more balanced view on the money issue.   :thumbsup:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Life-Love-Philippines/dp/1439230676

[Vince Runza]

Not sure if a book is your intentions, but it's nice to see you have a little more balanced view on the money issue.

It's not my intention to create an info-product. I've done that kind of work before. I just want to share what I know works, and help single guys avoid trouble down the road. I have a couple MP3's of an interview Larry did.

Edited November 19, 2015 by Vince Runza

[Hey Steve]

...... Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. No, it isn't. Despite the success stories you read (and hear) about pen-pals and dating website romances, save it. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Some of you will disagree. That's fine.

 

..... Vince, your putting together quite a manual and kudos to you sir. :thumbsup:  (A lively debate and need your thoughts here). I would say there's one chapter in your manual that I feel you may want to down shift on...that being, recommending that on-line dating and it's potential be excluded from any possibility of a successful relationship with a filipina. 

 

Here's my rebuttal before you roll your eyes, yawn, etc-ha ha.... :36_1_50[1]:

 

The Philippines has over 8,200 K-1 visas approved annually by the US State Dept (for my country-US). That is almost triple the amount of the second most in the world (China). That said, these women have many desirable traits many "Western" men seek that has IMO all but dried up in the dating pool in our own host country. Most of these men who met their prospective wives through ""cyber"" were k-1 visa filers. FB groups of Fil Am marriges that have met on line reflect time and time again how successful and lasting these marriages are (including mine). There's a cookie cutter profile stamped all over the internet by folks with what is obviously a loser mentality with no clue about how to spot scammers. horror stories, and warning. These are yet another group known as the loud minority that have been touting their negativity since-well, ever since the first failed relationship. Why else are they even on these forums.

I don't buy it..AND if you know where the red flags are when selecting a possible match, and you happen to be somewhat savvy in your search ON LINE you can easily avoid the scammers, ETC. which can lead to a common goal which actually is quite common these days.

 

Now, some of us are still entrenched in our careers and don't have the luxury of spending 3-6 months (whatever) to go to the Philippines with our boots on the ground to seek out our special someone-wherever she may be(?). That would in many cases be financial suicide in all reality. I actually (to a degree) envy those few that are of retirement age that have earned an income stream that can afford to do this. I'm in my 50's and don't (didn't) want to wait. I share with many, many men the success stories of meeting a gal on line that ends in a marriage full of bliss-hense my decision to search out and find my sweetie.

Take it with an open mind, Vince. An open mind for me got me to where I am today-a happy man married to a Filipina who I met on line. :cheersty:  (nice topic too!!)

Edited November 19, 2015 by Hey Steve

[Vince Runza]

I would say there's one chapter in your manual that I feel you may want to down shift on...that being, recommending that on-line dating and it's potential be excluded from any possibility of a successful relationship with a filipina.

I'm not suggesting that failure must result with cyber. For many men, economics dictate that they use the Internet to find the right girl. It can be done. Hell, I got a girl to buy me lunch in real life via an Internet venue, back in the day. BTW, it was Valentine's Day!

 

I'll just leave it to somebody else to dive deep and write the book on Internet dating and the Philippines. Me, I'm a boots-on-the-ground kinda guy!

[Jake]

Get Ready, Get Set -- Plan!

Face it: most of us (including me) found love the old-fashioned way -- it just happened. For me, it turned out to be a painful, costly mistake. Fortunately, I survived. At the time, there was no Instruction Manual on finding, getting, and keeping a good woman in your life.

What I want to propose to you, the Reader, is a system you can test, in real life, for getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want. I'm not proposing the Ultimate Answer to the question. These will be a good set of working rules that have been field tested, tweaked, and give reliable results.  

 

Apparently, there are some statistical values here.  It's worth a try, playing the percentages and at the same time, improving your approach techniques. 

Who Are You?

Begin at the foundation. Who, exactly, are you? Typecast yourself. Write out a list of traits that sum you up. This can be difficult, painful, and incomplete. Tough. Do it. Unless and until you have a clear picture in your mind of who YOU are, you won't be able to make an informed choice of a fitting partner for life. If you have the nerve to do so, ask people you know casually to describe you. They can get to the main points easily, rather than someone who knows you well. Expect a few eye-openers if you do this.  

 

Excellent point Vince!  If I may, I would like to add that given enough time and effort, should I improve on myself prior to the first rendezvous? Lose some weight, trim my nose hair, get new dentures, etc, etc. 

What Do You Want?

This is different for every person. Make another list of traits, behaviors, attitudes, abilities, etc., that you want in a mate. Make a separate list of deal-killers: stuff you absolutely want to avoid in your Lady Love. Get this clear in your mind. As for her appearance, you might find that first impressions don't always have a lasting value. Most importantly, realize that you will be revising these lists as you start to do field work.  

 

Do I have to wear my boots because the field could be full of bull chit.  It's gonna be a steeep learning curve because my wants and needs might vary from day to day.....he, he.  God, this is gonna be a tough boot camp.

What's In It For Her?

This is where you become more than just a hunter of prey. Think carefully about what you bring to the table in a Long Term Relationship. Yes, money matters, but that can't be the foundation of lasting satisfaction. How much and how often are you willing to give your attention, care, respect, and intelligence to supporting her?

 

Sometimes, you just have to give and take, which works both ways.  For example, I'm fugly but I have a good personality.  Will she still respect me in the morning?

Why Bother With All This?

Because the Philippines is a different culture, with different rules and expectations. You will need to develop some street-smarts before you dive into the valley of the gods.

 

Street smart also includes smart sex.  Look at the strategic location of PI.  It was the hub of all the ancient mariners and now a modern day travel and commerce center for all kinds of spices.  We're not the only expats in town and some of those spices are spreading at an alarming rate.

Learn To Say 'No'

you're saving your own feelings -- Outstanding summation

No Cyber

Yeah, some of you think cyber dating is like training wheels for dating in the Philippines. You need situational awareness, based on actual experience on the ground. Some of you will disagree. That's fine. 

 

This can be viewed as to each, their own.  Whatever floats their boat because I've read so many successful love stories started with a keyboard.

Let the comments commence.

Good morning Dr Love,

 

First of all, against strong temptations I must remind myself about going over the edge of posting any sexual distractions here.  I barely got my ass back, the last time Boss Man chewed me out.....he, he.

 

Anyway, another fine read this morning with a good mug.  As far as reading is concern, your topic was an eye candy. Look at the structure....well balanced, sort of like a long version of bullet points, like a resume. Which I like because it helps me organize my thoughts to respond to your organized thoughts as well.  My comments as you can see, are inserted in your text because I was too lazy to cut and paste and start my own post.  

 

I can see you opening up a seminar and clinics in Makati for all those foolish and desperate romantics, such as myself.  I already bought my annual pass for your very first grand opening!  I do hope you guys let me in this time.  I was turned away in Chicago because of my date -- I guess my blow up doll wasn't allowed.  

 

I get no respect sometimes.......

Edited November 19, 2015 by Jake

[Vince Runza]

I was turned away in Chicago because of my date -- I guess my blow up doll wasn't allowed.

Actually chortling out loud at this.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed your italicized comments, especially regarding safe sex. Keep in mind, the more money you have, the less likely it is you'll need to lose weight, trim nose hair, or upgrade your dentures! As for the format and presentation, it's 'what to do', not 'how to do it'. Most of this stuff has to be done, not explained. That's because, up to this point, it ain't rocket science. It is, however, imperative to do it.

 

Edited November 20, 2015 by Jollygoodfellow
removed link

[Hey Steve]

 

I would say there's one chapter in your manual that I feel you may want to down shift on...that being, recommending that on-line dating and it's potential be excluded from any possibility of a successful relationship with a filipina.

I'm not suggesting that failure must result with cyber. For many men, economics dictate that they use the Internet to find the right girl. It can be done. Hell, I got a girl to buy me lunch in real life via an Internet venue, back in the day. BTW, it was Valentine's Day!

 

I'll just leave it to somebody else to dive deep and write the book on Internet dating and the Philippines. Me, I'm a boots-on-the-ground kinda guy!

 

Actually the book is already out there, Vince (80 topics and over 1700 comments) Internet Dating..right here on this forum-an entire section devoted to  this way to meet a Filipina-, lending to the critical role this activity plays in "Finding the Right Filipina".

 

 

One thing that will be interesting is when you go live and share in real time upcoming adventures-which I will look forward to!

Edited November 19, 2015 by Hey Steve

[Jake]

Actually the book is already out there, Vince (80 topics and over 1700 comments)..right here on this forum

 

Hmmm.....that sounds very interesting Steve.  Is there such a type of book containing just one subject and have all kinds of comments respond back to the author?  Sort of like a book blog.......

 

Anyway, may I suggest the title of this wonderful book to be Halo-Halo (mix-mix) with only one that failed the program -- me.  We can make it a typical Filipino drama with crocodile tears, over acting and wetting my pants.  

 

Love gain and then love lost......