Negative Vibes

[Old55]

Lary have you lived in the same place the whole time? Perhaps you should move to another nearby area. 

[scott h]

Back biting has been around since the first caveman built a hut, and those still in the smoky cave called them wussies.

 

Add to that the crab mentality, plus IMO we as Expats are especially vulnerable to gossip, rumors and innuendo. Weather it applies to a certain individual or not we are all perceived as being filthy rich, spoiled and decadent.

[Jollygoodfellow]

No, JGF, I'm not a blue blood looking down my nose.  I drove trucks for 10 years in the US  to save up for this adventure.....I've posted that before.  It's ok if you don't remember, because I really don't remember your life story either....touche.   And, i don't hate the Philippines, but there's a lot of bullsh&t that happens every single day......and it's nice to know about it.  I will post my daily stuff there until you say otherwise.   That's certainly better than posting it in all the threads, as I have been.  

 

edit....it pisses me off so much....decent person, decent wife, decent life......but everyone wants to shit on you.  

 

 

No need to get upset.  :)  If you think I read every post or topic on this forum you would be mistaken but what I have read sort of stuck in my mind that you do not seem happy there.

Anyway moving along, did you understand what they were saying in Bisaya?

[RBM]

We have all heard the term crab mentality it's used liberally here. sadly Larrys situation is not untypical at all.I would refer it more to a ..dog eat dog attitude. Of course this is a generalization but consider this. How often have any members ever experienced a local unknown to hold open a door when leaving a shop in a mall. Yes this maybe petty but means a lot.

Consider the driving habits of locals, dog eat again. Lining up to buy a ticket for a boat same again me first to hell with you. Now guys this is not a Filipino foreigner grizzle, it's same with locals. My GR continually moans about people pushing in...

Larry to me seems things getting on top a bit, moving house normally not the answer. Your acceptance of the difference in culture...attitude...must change, they will not, you must. Accepting this is how they are, I must accept and put in place little adjustments that will help, try to insulate yourself a little. There are good Filipinos here whom will share your views, I know as have talked to many.

Small things can make a change, example, usually early morning coffee I love the views I have and the peace and quiet. Recently a neighbour actually the caretaker, some 100 meters away cranks up his local TV in Bisayan which spoils what I love. Our helper talked to him, as expected worked for a few days only. It's not every day, often enough though to annoy me. Rather than enter into confrontation we purchased a tiny speaker that one can plug a USB into. Enough to mitagate his noise and although I prefer just silence must try adjust, at least I have my music.

Guess I have rambled on enough, Larry better days ahead, adjustments required and a bucket load of patience, good luck to you.

[Larry45]

We have all heard the term crab mentality it's used liberally here. sadly Larrys situation is not untypical at all.I would refer it more to a ..dog eat dog attitude. Of course this is a generalization but consider this. How often have any members ever experienced a local unknown to hold open a door when leaving a shop in a mall. Yes this maybe petty but means a lot.

Consider the driving habits of locals, dog eat again. Lining up to buy a ticket for a boat same again me first to hell with you. Now guys this is not a Filipino foreigner grizzle, it's same with locals. My GR continually moans about people pushing in...

Larry to me seems things getting on top a bit, moving house normally not the answer. Your acceptance of the difference in culture...attitude...must change, they will not, you must. Accepting this is how they are, I must accept and put in place little adjustments that will help, try to insulate yourself a little. There are good Filipinos here whom will share your views, I know as have talked to many.

Small things can make a change, example, usually early morning coffee I love the views I have and the peace and quiet. Recently a neighbour actually the caretaker, some 100 meters away cranks up his local TV in Bisayan which spoils what I love. Our helper talked to him, as expected worked for a few days only. It's not every day, often enough though to annoy me. Rather than enter into confrontation we purchased a tiny speaker that one can plug a USB into. Enough to mitagate his noise and although I prefer just silence must try adjust, at least I have my music.

Guess I have rambled on enough, Larry better days ahead, adjustments required and a bucket load of patience, good luck to you.

Thanks for the responses everyone....it's not really my living situation, but rather the culture in totality.  It's just a let down for me after working my ass off to get here and it simply hasn't met my expectations.  I've lived in other 3rd world countries and never experienced the discrimination and racism that I do here.  I do have a couple true Filipino friends that I met on my own, and that's awesome, but even they get backlash for being friends with me.  Same with in-laws.  Somehow they have to explain to everyone why their daughter married a foreigner for love.  It's like the most ridiculous concept ever....it would be easier for everyone if I just bought them a car or house.   :tiphat:

[Tukaram (Tim)]

...it would be easier for everyone if I just bought them a car or house.

I will take a Toyota in medium, house in large - thanks :tiphat:

[Julia]

Hi, Larry!

 

So you are from Ormoc, Leyte! My eldest brother together with his wife resides there and runs a small drugstore. I haven't visited their place yet but one of these days I would be spending my vacation days for sure. I hear it is a nice and peaceful place to live in.

 

I hope you don't mind me viewing your posted photos as I want to have an inkling of what seems to be really going on with your neighbors and why they gave you the idea of being discrimated making you feel like you experienced racism. But my! Your daughter is an angel! She is such a beauty and her smile shows just that she indeed has a happy childhood. And you got a beautiful young wife, too. Lucky you. And lucky her, too,  for having a husband like you who is a great dad to your daughter.  Based on your post and the fact that you took time to appreciate the rainbow with your little daughter - that is indeed a sweet dad of you. It is not everyday that a father would take time to do that for his daughter, you know. I myself had not experience that with my father way back then when I was a child.

 

Forgive me if my limited understanding about racism is not the actual meaning of what the dictionary really means to describe it, but in a Filipina's point of view, I simply think you have this little misunderstanding of what these neighbors are saying. Call it language barrier.  Our culture is really complicated. Sometimes us Filipinos could just give you a sweet smile even if deep inside we are already boiling with anger. And sometimes we can even give you a poker face even if deep inside we are elated. We are this complicated culture. You simply can't judge how we truly felt based on looking at our face. You can only truly understand what and how wwe truly feel by the words we utter and the manner we spoke, and the tone of our voice.

 

My simple understanding with what really happened that day when those neighbors whom you thought were back biting about you - I guess they silently admire you and your family. You might just have misunderstood that. I know it. I would have done the same. I would have looked at you and your daughter like they did, but believe me it is not because of discrimination and racism. In the provinces, white skin and colored eyes and colored hair always amaze us. We could stare at you with wonder and admiration and we won't even care if you see us staring at you. If these neighbors will stare  at you and your kids or family, don't take it negatively. Be flattered. You can't stop these neighbors from doing so. There is no way to hide that admiration they always have felt for your physical looks. When you caught them staring at you, just give them a smile. Believe me they will smile back at you. It is the only way to survive there.

 

Give it a try, Larry.  It will surely make a big difference in your day to day life. You'll see...

 

Have a blessed day ahead of you!

Edited November 21, 2015 by Julia

[Larry45]

Hi, Larry!

 

So you are from Ormoc, Leyte! My eldest brother together with his wife resides there and runs a small drugstore. I haven't visited their place yet but one of these days I would be spending my vacation days for sure. I hear it is a nice and peaceful place to live in.

 

I hope you don't mind me viewing your posted photos as I want to have an inkling of what seems to be really going on with your neighbors and why they gave you the idea of being discrimated making you feel like you experienced racism. But my! Your daughter is an angel! She is such a beauty and her smile shows just that she indeed has a happy childhood. And you got a beautiful young wife, too. Lucky you. And lucky her, too,  for having a husband like you who is a great dad to your daughter.  Based on your post and the fact that you took time to appreciate the rainbow with your little daughter - that is indeed a sweet dad of you. It is not everyday that a father would take time to do that for his daughter, you know. I myself haven't experience that with my father way back then when I was a child.

 

Forgive me if my limited understanding about racism is not the actual meaning of what the dictionary really means to describe it, but in a Filipina's point of view, I simply think you have this little misunderstanding of what these neighbors are saying. Call it language barrier.  Our culture is really complicated. Sometimes us Filipinos could just give you a sweet smile even if deep inside we are already boiling with anger. And sometimes we can even give you a poker face even if deep inside we are elated. We are this complicated culture. You simply can't judge how we truly felt based on looking at our face. You can only truly understand what and how wwe truly feel by the words we utter and the manner we spoke, and the tone of our voice.

 

My simple understanding with what really happened that day when those neighbors whom you thought were back biting about you - I guess they silently admire you and your family. You might just have misunderstood that. I know it. I would have done the same. I would have looked at you and your daughter like they did, but believe me it is not because of discrimination and racism. In the provinces, white skin and colored eyes and colored hair always amaze us. We could stare at you with wonder and admiration and we won't even care if you see us staring at you. If these neighbors will stare  at you and your kids or family, don't take it negatively. Be flattered. You can't stop these neighbors from doing so. There is no way to hide that admiration they always have felt for your physical looks. When you caught them staring at you, just give them a smile. Believe me they will smile back at you. It is the only way to survive there.

 

Give it a try, Larry.  It will surely make a big difference in your day to day life. You'll see...

 

Have a blessed day ahead of you!

:th_thbestpost:       Thank you, Julia.   I'm friendly to everyone, but we foreigners are held to different standards.  As for racism, most of the locals actually believe that Filipino is a race, so with people like that, you cannot argue.  Yeah, I'm living in the wrong town....in another thread I mentioned why I like Cebu City and similar places.  Anyways, I'm touched by your post...thank you so much.   PM me the drugstore and I will stop in there and shop. :cheersty:

Edited November 21, 2015 by Larry45

[Jack Peterson]

 Sometimes we should put ourselves (in thought) back to our own familiar surroundings in a Country we can Understand and ask Honestly. How many times, have we said to ourselves and maybe others.? HUH look at that (Foreigner, from any country you choose.) Comes here gets a

Good job in front of one of our own, Builds a big house and can Afford a new car. Then lets look at this from the perspective of the Filipino,

It is the way it is where ever we are. The Foreigner is always a target. Western or Asian Both are Foreigners at some time or the Other.

 

Having said that I think we can all have a rant about things we don't like, I gave up Fighting the Culture thing but still can never understand the Time thing and the never trying to learn from Mistakes. and the sometimes Acid remarks when we say Told you so.

 

Jack  :tiphat:

[Larry45]

 Sometimes we should put ourselves (in thought) back to our own familiar surroundings in a Country we can Understand and ask Honestly. How many times, have we said to ourselves and maybe others.? HUH look at that (Foreigner, from any country you choose.) Comes here gets a

Good job in front of one of our own, Builds a big house and can Afford a new car. Then lets look at this from the perspective of the Filipino,

It is the way it is where ever we are. The Foreigner is always a target. Western or Asian Both are Foreigners at some time or the Other.

 

Having said that I think we can all have a rant about things we don't like, I gave up Fighting the Culture thing but still can never understand the Time thing and the never trying to learn from Mistakes. and the sometimes Acid remarks when we say Told you so.

 

Jack  :tiphat:

Great point, Jack.  I've often used the analogy of me and my buddies hanging out in our local dive back in the US, and some guy pulls in with a Mercedes.  We are all average Joe's and he walks in with a suit and nice car.  What would we do?  We would want to see what he is all about.  We wouldn't hate him immediately, and we would certainly give him a chance to prove himself.  The difference is that I'm rarely granted that small level of respect here.