When Do You Start To Beleive

[stevewool]

Now i know i have had my share of problems with the family, but also good things have happened too, but i just cant think of that one yet,

Anyway back to the thread,

I loaned some cash back to another sister a while back and it was a good sum , something where i just could not say bye too unless i had too sort of thing,

She wanted this sum to pay for the kids school fees and would pay me at the end of November, and a big fat YES i got the whole amount back,

So this got me thinking are they all bad, or is it you tell them i want it back and then they give it back,

I am unsure still about borrowing again and it does not help when my mind starts wondering about the next time , and who next too,

One sister in law has no chance of ever borrowing again , well infact there are two that i will not give anything,

 

I just cannot help think that they get together and try to get funds from Ems asking for this and that and we need your help,

In another thread about Dengue fever , did they think i would have sent this money to them what i was expecting back, by the way we have not heard anything about the nephew  who had this at all,

I must say its easy for me to say NO straight away then a few days later i shall ask whats it for and when can i get it back , but usually by then they have the money from somewhere else,

 

Anyway the funds are here and they are paying  for Micky Mouse tickets :thumbsup:

[mogo51]

Now i know i have had my share of problems with the family, but also good things have happened too, but i just cant think of that one yet,

Anyway back to the thread,

I loaned some cash back to another sister a while back and it was a good sum , something where i just could not say bye too unless i had too sort of thing,

She wanted this sum to pay for the kids school fees and would pay me at the end of November, and a big fat YES i got the whole amount back,

So this got me thinking are they all bad, or is it you tell them i want it back and then they give it back,

I am unsure still about borrowing again and it does not help when my mind starts wondering about the next time , and who next too,

One sister in law has no chance of ever borrowing again , well infact there are two that i will not give anything,

 

I just cannot help think that they get together and try to get funds from Ems asking for this and that and we need your help,

In another thread about Dengue fever , did they think i would have sent this money to them what i was expecting back, by the way we have not heard anything about the nephew  who had this at all,

I must say its easy for me to say NO straight away then a few days later i shall ask whats it for and when can i get it back , but usually by then they have the money from somewhere else,

 

Anyway the funds are here and they are paying  for Micky Mouse tickets :thumbsup:

 

 

 

Good that you got your money back, but in the long run you will probably lose more than you win.  They do not have the understanding of a 'loan' as opposed to give' IMO, there are exceptions, but not that many.  When you say 'No' add a full stop and dont think about it again.

[Old55]

Don't loan more than you would be willing to walk away from.

[Jack Peterson]

After many problems and much Soul searching people will now have to call and say can I/We come for a Chat! :unsure:  I say now to anyone that comes for a "Loan"? the same as I do to my daughter at times,

"The Answer is No! Now what is the Question?

It may be Heartless to many (here that is) but they have to prove to me that it is needed and not just wanted.

'When Do You Start To Believe' ? I believe was the Question, Steve , I am not sure there will ever be a time, to believe anyone, that can't be Honest about Borrowing, I have myself said many times, when our Extended Family can understand the difference between WANT & NEED then maybe I could start to believe they are Genuine, in their requests  But that's just me. Once Bitten twice shy. Twice Bitten, I think we need to talk to ourselves.  :)

 

Jack  :thumbsup:

 

Morning All  :morning1:

[chris49]

EMS is working. Why doesn't she have the free will to decide?

 

Why are you even involved?

 

And although Gina's income is smaller, that's the way I play it. And yes we got caught out a few times and that's why mother in law has to sign off against her land title for amounts eg 10K.....and we hold the title. And that's easier than buying it outright because as long as we hold it they can't get it back. But we are playing fair, everyone will get his/her share if we buy it. So their interests are protected.

[Larry45]

Steve, it's likely different when you're back in your country and making decent money.   I haven't experienced that yet, and I'm sure there will be more pull and higher expectations.  When you're here, there's more smaller hands out, but it's easier to explain to everyone you're on a small budget.  It's true they can find the money, if they really want to, but you are always first on the list to ask.   You really have to "nip it in the bud" in the beginning, if you can.   A few years back, my daughter was ill and we had to admit her to the private hospital.  When we're there, we discovered that sister of wife was there also for dengue.  As much as I wanted to help them with the bill, I didn't.  It would only breed a dependency, and that's negative for everyone.  If it was a major bill, I would have helped, as that's how I've explained it to them.  In the end they paid the bill themselves and we all made damn sure no one in the hospital knew we were all related.   :thumbsup:

[sonjack2847]

Why are you even involved?

Maybe because the decision affects both of them.

[sonjack2847]

When we were looking to move down here to Dalaguete my wife was trying to talk me out of it. Well after much persuasion she told me that before we met her cousin borrowed 1000 from her and never paid it back and that not all of her family were good people.I told her if they ask you tell them to ask me and I will tell them go away or just say when the cousin pays the money back I will have money to lend you.My wife borrowed that 1000 from her employer and could hardly afford to lose it.I help her immediate family but the rest can go whistle.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I have some simple rules when it comes to money lending.  I never loan more than I can afford to lose.  I only allow one loan out at a time. If there is already an unpaid loan out I have no problem telling the new requester who owes me money. ('Sorry Mike, Roger has to pay me back before I can loan anymore'). 

 

There is currently one loan of p5,000, it is scheduled to be paid back in December. I honestly do not expect it to be paid back.  If it is - great.,  If it is not - good enough... no more loans  :tiphat:

[davewe]

After many problems and much Soul searching people will now have to call and say can I/We come for a Chat! :unsure:  I say now to anyone that comes for a "Loan"? the same as I do to my daughter at times,

"The Answer is No! Now what is the Question?

It may be Heartless to many (here that is) but they have to prove to me that it is needed and not just wanted.

'When Do You Start To Believe' ? I believe was the Question, Steve , I am not sure there will ever be a time, to believe anyone, that can't be Honest about Borrowing, I have myself said many times, when our Extended Family can understand the difference between WANT & NEED then maybe I could start to believe they are Genuine, in their requests  But that's just me. Once Bitten twice shy. Twice Bitten, I think we need to talk to ourselves.  :)

 

Jack  :thumbsup:

 

Morning All  :morning1:

 

The daughter analogy is a good one. My teens ask for all kinds of expensive crap. In most cases I say no and say it quickly. Sometimes I say "ask your mother (my ex)." 

 

I have never loaned anything to my in laws but I have gifted a few times. If it seems reasonable I would rather give a few pesos rather than stressing about getting paid back.

 

The only larger amount I have given away was to one of my own family members. She claimed it was a loan and would be paid back. I viewed it as a gift and if I ever got it back it would be found money. It hasn't happened yet - maybe someday :)

Edited December 1, 2015 by davewe