Who do you turn to?

[Queenie O.]

This is sort off an expansion on the thread started by Sonjack2847, My Relationship with my Phils Family.

Most posters seemed to agree that whatever worked within each relationship was fine for them. As Sonjack and some  some other contributors mentioned, I also spend a lot of time with my husband, and I can imagine if there are young children in the house, there would even be more incentive to spend time with them. To expand on that, How many readers spend their days almost exclusively interacting with wives or gfs at home or together outside of the home?

My husband and I might spend most holidays with family members here, and occasionally might get together with smaller groups or one-on-one with a particular family members. Here and there they might occasionally visit us or we might visit at their place. We are on a friendly basis with neighbors, and sometimes have things we do together with them, but nothing too deep going on there. My husband might socialize with his brothers for a drink some afternoons, but he's always glad to get home he says. Not much meaningful conversation he admits with them. I have a nephew that I get along well with, but he's in the city now preparing to be ordained as a priest, and so too busy right now to get together very often.

So far I haven't found a local Filipino/Filipina that I could call a true friend, but I'm working on that over time, and am hopeful.

I sometimes feel guilty about us being rather homebodies, and being rather lazy about putting ourselves out

to be more sociable. While living here, Is it unhealthy to look toward your partner for most shared laughs and meaningful conversation?

I do feel grateful for conversation and interesting interaction with expats here on this sight, and see that as an important outlet for me too.  How about you folks?

We've only lived here in the province for two year so I always see my life here as being kind of a puzzle to be solved, or a"work in progress", so situations may change or remain the same for me.  I know that there are no "best" ways of living here, and I'm curious about what you all feel about what I've said.

[Old55]

 

Becoming true friends with Filipinos is not easy for expats (Foriegners). It can be done, finding something in common is very helpful. 

My wife and I are very close we have other interests and friends but for the most part we only share important thoughts and conversations with each other. My wife has a large group of Filipina friends here some very close but we depend on each other more. No two couples have exactly the same dynamics in this regard. On the other hand for us this closeness is very important in our relationship. 

 

[expatuk2014]

for me my wife is my life ! she is the reason I am here in this lovely country.

I am lucky in the fact that the family have welcomed me and since I married my wife back in 2002

we came back here every 2 years and finally retired here in 2011 .

I have a son and daughter and Grandson back in the UK who I miss but there is ways of chatting

and we have paid for them to come here also.

The wifes family is very large and has nephews in The US-Australia-and saudi.

we live in our own home which we have built, the wifes sister lives in her own home next to ours

and the " Family home " fronts onto the road.

The only people that ask us for financial help are a few friends of the family down the road

but my wife is very strict when it comes to money !

our usual daily routine is wife gets up does the washing and cooks breakfast then she goes back to washing !

we normally go shopping at around 10am when the local malls open.

we will have something to eat before shopping and then go back home.

where I will spend the afternoon on the laptop doing various things.

most of our money has gone on the house building and the repairs to the family home.

we eat well and I always have cold drinks in the fridge.

Coming from the UK its a culture shock that a lot cant manage and the heat, we met a couple who lived her for 5 yrs

before they sold up and moved back to the states as the husband could not stand the heat.

for me life is good and I have wife who loves me. 

 

[bows00]

This is a topic that I have pondered for many hours and I do have my concerns.  One thing I do know is that it is relationships, above everything else (yes even money) that determines your overall level of true happiness.  And when I finally make my move in 2017, I am anticipating the difficulties of cultural adjustments and my ability to make new friends there. 

But I think the key here is to make sure you have a plan to (1) stay socially active and (2) learn the language.  I cannot over emphasize the importance of item (2).  Without understanding the language, you will always feel left out during conversations and you will be socially retarded (unless you are planning to just hang out with expats and/or your significant other).  This is one area that will keep me busy and continually striving for - and it will pay dividends, especially if I want to make the Philippines my home.

[stevewool]

Not being there yet , really i can only say that i turn to Emma for all that i am wanting and sharing with, yes we have friends here and i must say Emma has more then me,

Its good to have that outside enjoyment from each other but some dont need it,

Once we have made the move who knows what we both may need but i do know one thing Emma will still be my number 1 , followed by you lot

[mogo51]

I  try and choose wisely but even then it often does not pan out.   My father once said that if you can find 5 genuine friends in your life you will have done well.  I tend to agree with him.

[Queenie O.]

3 hours ago, bows00 said:

This is a topic that I have pondered for many hours and I do have my concerns.  One thing I do know is that it is relationships, above everything else (yes even money) that determines your overall level of true happiness.  And when I finally make my move in 2017, I am anticipating the difficulties of cultural adjustments and my ability to make new friends there. 

But I think the key here is to make sure you have a plan to (1) stay socially active and (2) learn the language.  I cannot over emphasize the importance of item (2).  Without understanding the language, you will always feel left out during conversations and you will be socially retarded (unless you are planning to just hang out with expats and/or your significant other).  This is one area that will keep me busy and continually striving for - and it will pay dividends, especially if I want to make the Philippines my home.

The thing is though, that being a former US Peace Corps volunteer assigned here, I was able to learn the Visayan language. That can be kind of a double-edged sword though, because the simple folk that I communicate with here live life on a very simplistic level, in interacting with them is pretty much "what you see is what you get". Nothing wrong with that, maybe that's the key to happiness I don't really know.

I don't consider myself an intellectual, but I do love to talk and exchange ideas with people, so I guess I'm always looking to make my life meaningful through my connections with people. You know in the western world you might possibly fill your day with conversations with co-workers, neighbors, friends, neighbors salespeople etc. Even if not always too fancy, it's still stimulating. Making a new situation here is not impossible, it just seems that the dynamics have changed. Maybe a limited scope and conversation is fine as long as we have a partner that we love and enjoy being with, and activities that fill our day and give meaning to our life.

[Queenie O.]

58 minutes ago, stevewool said:

Once we have made the move who knows what we both may need but i do know one thing Emma will still be my number 1 , followed by you lot

I'd like to over time come to the happy conclusion that you expect. Maybe that's all that's needed to be happy here.

Everything else can be "gravy" after that. 

[Queenie O.]

21 minutes ago, mogo51 said:

I  try and choose wisely but even then it often does not pan out.   My father once said that if you can find 5 genuine friends in your life you will have done well.  I tend to agree with him.

But are those friends your SO and ones that you have already made in the past, or new ones that you hope to meet? That's what I kind of puzzle about..

[Queenie O.]

I think sometimes because my husband and I are close in age, what would happen if he were to pass away before me? I guess that's a concern for any of us regardless if you plan on living out your days here, and not returning to an old /new situation back in your old place.

I guess I'd just have to learn to adapt to a new situation if that happened. I'd like to think that I'd be strong enough to re-invent myself and my expectations to a new meaningful life.

My husband sees things much more straightforward than I do I think. He says just be glad for all the positives that you have and happy changes that you have had moving here, and don't focus too much on fine-tuning your life. That's what I try to do anyway, and I think that after about two years here I have "turned a corner" and find joy more often on a daily basis more than frustration. 

Thanks guys for pondering these things with me..:)