Sometimes I feel like I'm back to square one

[Queenie O.]

Just when I thought I was going along and adapting pretty well after two years+ living here things seemed to have gotten more challenging and some gains that I thought I'd made seem to have made seem non-existent now. I've found that I've been complaining to my husband more lately about things that bother me, and he's sometimes impatient because he thinks I should be letting things go more by now, and just making the most of what we've got. I know that some people have it a lot worse than I do too.

It all seemed to come to a head last week when the  purok across the water from us held their annual fiesta, their highlight must have been the 36 hours of non-stop blaring and pounding bass techno beat music that accompanied them during their eating and visitor greeting. That was twelve hours more than last year when I was able to be more philosophical about it.  Also lately after every welcome rain storm there is an unexplained water ban lasting several hours. Maybe also it was the announcement that my who I thought to once be rather humble nephew soon to be ordained priest announcing will hold a huge extravaganza first mass in town which will include expense and work by my husband and I and the rest of the town and family. Met some fellow expats that seemed quite charmed by us, but who we found very dull and very competitive people. Another downer was that the old American expat character that I liked visiting down the way, is now getting quite old and forgetful.

I know in my heart that we expats are all often envied badasses who have taken this leap to start a new life and sometimes try to re-invent the wheel on how to do that. Also I know that there is a difference in sometimes complainers over plain just negative people. 

Is this a phase I'm going through and it will pass or am I just now waking up to my new reality? Is adapting here a two steps forward one step backwards kind of thing? Please tell me how you feel about all this as it relates to your experiences. I'd really appreciate your insights and take on things.

Queenie

 

[MikeSwede]

Queenie, it is absolutely a transition phase, you are becoming settled properly now. With that comes a feeling of the right to see over YOUR house and YOUR surroundings in a way you probably did not feel the right to before.

Not a negative thing at all, but confusing never the less as suddenly what you before let go with a shrug, now has become YOUR problem to solve.

Yes, you are finally landing in your new life. Just go with it and respect this new sensation of needing to pick on your surrounding a bit, as it really is what residents do.

Should I say "welcome home"?

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Sounds like regular growing pains. I do it too. I go through phases.  Sometimes everything is great, sometimes every little thing bugs me - and you know nothing changes - just my attitude.  I have not killed anyone for the way they walk down the sidewalk, but some days I get close.

Anyone that knows me knows that the 'boom-boom-bass' is my biggest issue.  I don't really care about anything else, but my peace & quiet!  Which is a shame because there is nothing I can do about the noise ha ha. (that is why the house was built so solid, to block as much noise as possible)

What I have seen here, and it will save you a lot of grief, is what I call the 'Filipino shrug'.  You know the one... it kind says 'what can you do' and ' that is just the way it is'.  You have to work on your shrug to stay sane here. When I first saw it I thought it was a defeatist attitude but realized I already pretty much had the attitude, just expressed it differently. There are things you can change, and things you cannot. Most foreigners complain about things we cannot change where a Filipino would just shrug it off.  The shrug can leave you happier.

As for the priest party, well lots of people here like to brag & show off.  You would hope a priest is above that, but maybe here is a good place to practice your shrug?

[chris49]

15 hours ago, Queenie O. said:

new reality?

Hi Queenie, I did not quote the entire post, but reality does seem to fit.

Thankfully the old forgetful guy was not me.

Priests seem to come around a lot. Our guy, per rota, comes here for lunch or dinner about once every 2 months and we are told what he likes, jumbo shrimp and so on. We have to entertain him because he will write the recommendation for our kids entry to the local Catholic school, so we need him. He comes with the volunteer staff from the church...about 10 plus our neighbors.

We met a nice couple, American retiree and Filipina wife, older lady. Got on ok and put them on FB, then the guy is copying and pasting every available anti government (USA), anti muslim, every possible source to the point of irritation. Then the wife posts on Gina's FB, she claims she forgot her own birthday and is posting late. Total Drama Queen and highly irritating both of them.

Yes Queenie, the Philippines is the haven of cheap living. But it is no panacea of peace and quiet. The all night videoke or the late night knock on the door for an emergency loan when it's obviously for drinks or gambling.

Reality will set in but as the others have said, transition phase. When I was in Saudi we treasured our vacations at least one long holiday a year. But we also enjoyed getting back home, back to Saudi, even though there were difficulties, it was our home.

The things you talk about will not improve, but perhaps your toleration might.

[frosty (chris)]

2 hours ago, Queenie O. said:

 

Is this a phase I'm going through and it will pass or am I just now waking up to my new reality? Is adapting here a two steps forward one step backwards kind of thing? Please tell me how you feel about all this as it relates to your experiences. I'd really appreciate your insights and take on things.

Queenie

 

I know just how you feel. I have been here going on 3 years now, my first year was an eye opener, fun, exciting, different and everything was great, but lately I have become more and more irritated by the smaller things that before never bothered me.

I try now to just think as much as I enjoy living here, somethings will always bother me and it's up to me alone to learn to live with it or leave. It's hard after spending most of your life living in a 1st world country that compared to here is so well run, then moving here to the chaos that I now call home.

[Queenie O.]

 

Thanks guys for your insights. I can see myself and get encouraged from every one of your posts so far. I guess I have just lately let the particular negatives that I wrote about. kind of rule my whole picture, and I forgot why I came to live here, and the many things that I really DO like about living here. With some fine tuning I can make my daily life that I CAN change be more livable or to my liking, and the rest of it that which I can't change or am totally mystified by, I'll learn to shrug off. Maybe this was really just a "vent" and should have been posted somewhere else after all. 

Maybe it was just good to remember that I'm not the only expat in the Philippines that loses perspective at times. I'll quote OnMYWay too, from yesterday's post, that I hadn't even gotten around to reading until now while I was in my temporary funk. This is really something else I needed to hear at this point too, as I can really relate to it.

 

 

"From a Westerner's point of view, there are many negatives in the Philippines. You can make a choice. Focus on the negatives and be miserable, or find the positives and relish them. I am far from perfect and I am still working on it. "

[Old55]

Queenie can you guys take a vacation back to the States or even Hong Kong just get a break?

Foam ear plugs are easy to wear to bed helpful keeping the loud noise reasonable.

 

[mogo51]

Hi Quuenie, Whilst I am not in Philippines, I am in Thailand, been here more on than off 6 years and permanently for 2 years. Rest assured I suffer at times from the same feelings here. I really am looking forward to getting to Phils and settling into a new environment. I know there is plenty of advice and warnings from members here, but I have been there many times and now have the added advantage of a Filipino partner. I think it is a logical move for us. But I am sure there are hurdles ahead and challenges to meet. Don't lose faith, you are an intelligent person and can work through what are normal hiccups to encounter IMO.

[Crocodile]

5 hours ago, Queenie O. said:

It all seemed to come to a head last week when the  purok across the water from us held their annual fiesta, their highlight must have been the 36 hours of non-stop blaring and pounding bass techno beat music that accompanied them during their eating and visitor greeting. That was twelve hours more than last year when I was able to be more philosophical about it. 

Oh God, this.  I have been lucky (?) enough to have been travelling around recently and coming across a couple of festivals.  Honestly, you are lucky it only lasted 36hrs - my experience is more like a week and every night until late (somewhere between 11pm - 3am), with the final night going until 6am.  Oh, and the drum parade (not sure what it is) at 4am on the final morning, out of nowhere.  I think not getting good sleep doesn't help the mind.

I would definitely plan to go away next year, if I was you.  It is an annoyance you can do without.  Plan a short trip to a destination close by, or go to Cebu or Manila for a bit of shopping and quick break.

I think that it is the small things that can make our lives easier, or make them a bit harder.  Concentrate of the good and try to make the bad a little easier on yourself.

 

[Jollygoodfellow]

52 minutes ago, Crocodile said:

I would definitely plan to go away next year, if I was you.  It is an annoyance you can do without.  Plan a short trip to a destination close by, or go to Cebu or Manila for a bit of shopping and quick break.

Please dont post what Im thinking before I get a chance to read and post.