Do you ever worry whether you're on the right track?

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Posted (edited)

Hi Forum friends,

All my life I've tried to think for myself and figure out problems on my own when they come up. I think oftentimes people I know my think that I've got everything figured out and under control. so they don't ask me how I'm doing. Many folks back home family and friends think that I'm living the good life here--no work for one, and being just free as a bird. Can't relate and not that sympathetic about my thoughts on fine tuning my life:huh: I've been here about 4  1/2 years now. You know that I've said that I live out in a rural area with hardly any fellow expats around., so sometimes I long to hear what others living here feel about the path they've taken so far. Do you ever waiver in your thoughts about why you chose to settle here?  Do you look at your daily/yearly life here sometimes and think about how you might change some things you're doing, or how you might make your quality of life better for your self and your partner?

Do you remember that old song that says "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative"?I try to do that but sometimes when things go right one day, but on a day or week? that I have some wavering, it's hard to not gravitate to those" negatives"  I'm always trying to introduce new hobbies to enhance my time, seeking out time with my partner to go to a movie, out to eat socializing with the certain family and local friends that I get along well with etc. Spending time in my garden and playing with my dogs etc. Facebook is a downer for me and I quit going there, because the daily lives and perceived trivial problems seem a universe away for me. I still get sad and frustrated sometimes trying to think if I'm on the right track. I sometimes wish that someone could give me an "attagirl"! and tell me that I'm on the right track and that things will all fall into place over time. I think of my neighbors that have a lot less, and they just go about their business of living the best way that they know without a lot of apparent angst.

Forum friends--could you tell me if you ever have doubts or get encouraged or discouraged on any given day or for a period of time? How do you cope if you do?  I know in my heart of hearts that it's all in the doing that will get/keep me me on my path, and I strive to focus on making the most of my choices, and the time that I have left  here. I know that there is no paradise on earth, so I think my expectations are pretty realistic.  Please share your thoughts if you have some. Any words of wisdom or encouragement I can give or receive would be much appreciated!:thumbsup: Honest answers only please!:smile:

Edited by Queenie O.
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Posted

Wow Quinnie,  That’s a lot to answer.  I’ll try though.  But first let me say that I commend you for making the move to the Philippines.  There are many more foreign men who moved here than women and the reasons have been talked about many times and different ways.  Wether man or woman it can be hard at times.  Now for me.  My reasons were many.  Top of the list was weather/climate, money goes farther, and looking for a change from my old life.  Boy did I get that last one.  Prior to moving here almost three years ago we had visited every other year for the previous twelve spending 45-60 days each visit.  I thought I knew what I was getting into.  Overall I still think I had a good handle on what to expect.  Initially I want to build and live in the province, Negros.  I liked the peaceful laid back life.  My wife thought better for me here in Laguna where better hospitals are nearby and we can get almost anything we want most of the time.  Not hearing those famous words we all hate to hear, “Sorry sir, out of stock”.  Also better choice of schools for our daughter.  I do now think she was right.  Also many more foreigners in this area and we have made some nice good friends.  Now the down side that gets me thinking.  Our daughter school is about 7.5 miles away and 6.5 miles on a different route.  We spend almost 40 minutes in the morning getting her to school leaving the house before 6:30 am.  The shorter route takes about 5 minutes more.  By the time we drop her off the morning rush has started and its about an hour getting home.  She has an after school class of Filipino so instead of getting out at 4:30 it 5:30.  I feel good if we can get home in less than 1.5 hours at 7PM.  Its hard at times and every time I’m setting in traffic I’m thinking, “Why am I doing this?”  Two trips to school and back each day I spend over four hours in the car.  You might think to get her a service or bus but then she would have to get up earlier and would be getting home even later.  So the traffic is a big downer for me followed by lack of parking in many places.  Then there is family back home.  Both my parents are still kicking well.  I have two children and four grandchildren and miss them dearly.  Thanks to the internet we are able to talk several times a week to each of them.  Oh and at least several times a year my daughter still asks if we can move back to the states.  Most recently due to some issues at school.
 As for how to cope and keep on the right path.  Family and friend contact and stick to your hobbies and interests.  I know you like gardening and old style cloths/dresses.  Next is a big one for me, getting away once in a while if your budget allows.  A friend from South Africa living and working in Indonesia says he likes to leave once a year to get some reality.   I think that is good advise.  :tiphat:

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Posted

I feell my best when I am doing something constructive or productive, espcially for others. Maybe it is growing tomatos or raising chickens and giving/ delivering eggs to old people who might be in need. Or going fishing and giving the fish i catch to someone who needs or enjoys fish. Or doing handyman work for someone who can’t do it themselves. Helping others, especially the elderly or the needy always makes me feel good..... doing something meaningful and productive each day seems to give me a sense of well being. Helping others with no strings attached and not expecting any thanks seems to be the key for me. YMMV.

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Posted
1 hour ago, Queenie O. said:

Forum friends--could you tell me if you ever have doubts or get encouraged or discouraged on any given day or for a period of time? How do you cope if you do?

If you will forgive my language :bonk: I will tell you a story.

I had a very serious attack of discouragement when I moved to Biliran Island with my (then) C/L partner in 2011.  I knew I had to move out of Cebu and the choice was Biliran, where her family and friends lived, or Dumaguete where a lot of my friends had moved.  I chose the rural life of Biliran to make her happy and because I thought Dumaguete would be too much like Cebu.

Well, it rained.  And it rained.  And there was nowhere to go.  And there was nothing to do. And there was no-one I knew.  So I got very discouraged and one night I went outside at 7 pm and stood in the dark, in the rain, in the silence, in the mud and hollered at the dark sky as there was not even a moon:  "What the ?????? am I doing in this Godforsaken place with nothing but rain and mud and people living in the stone age?  Why the Hell don't I just ?????? off outta here?"

Well that actually made me feel better, but what came next was the inner voice, (I am a believer), that told me to find somewhere to go, and find something to do and find people to make friends with, and carry an umbrella if it rained and a flashlight when there was no moon.  I did all those things and eventually enjoyed my time there.  Sometimes we get discouraged.  Pull yourself out of it, there are brighter days ahead.

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, intrepid said:

Wow Quinnie,  That’s a lot to answer.  I’ll try though.  But first let me say that I commend you for making the move to the Philippines.  There are many more foreign men who moved here than women and the reasons have been talked about many times and different ways.  Wether man or woman it can be hard at times.  Now for me.  My reasons were many.  Top of the list was weather/climate, money goes farther, and looking for a change from my old life.  Boy did I get that last one.  Prior to moving here almost three years ago we had visited every other year for the previous twelve spending 45-60 days each visit.  I thought I knew what I was getting into.  Overall I still think I had a good handle on what to expect.  Initially I want to build and live in the province, Negros.  I liked the peaceful laid back life.  My wife thought better for me here in Laguna where better hospitals are nearby and we can get almost anything we want most of the time.  Not hearing those famous words we all hate to hear, “Sorry sir, out of stock”.  Also better choice of schools for our daughter.  I do now think she was right.  Also many more foreigners in this area and we have made some nice good friends.  Now the down side that gets me thinking.  Our daughter school is about 7.5 miles away and 6.5 miles on a different route.  We spend almost 40 minutes in the morning getting her to school leaving the house before 6:30 am.  The shorter route takes about 5 minutes more.  By the time we drop her off the morning rush has started and its about an hour getting home.  She has an after school class of Filipino so instead of getting out at 4:30 it 5:30.  I feel good if we can get home in less than 1.5 hours at 7PM.  Its hard at times and every time I’m setting in traffic I’m thinking, “Why am I doing this?”  Two trips to school and back each day I spend over four hours in the car.  You might think to get her a service or bus but then she would have to get up earlier and would be getting home even later.  So the traffic is a big downer for me followed by lack of parking in many places.  Then there is family back home.  Both my parents are still kicking well.  I have two children and four grandchildren and miss them dearly.  Thanks to the internet we are able to talk several times a week to each of them.  Oh and at least several times a year my daughter still asks if we can move back to the states.  Most recently due to some issues at school.
 As for how to cope and keep on the right path.  Family and friend contact and stick to your hobbies and interests.  I know you like gardening and old style cloths/dresses.  Next is a big one for me, getting away once in a while if your budget allows.  A friend from South Africa living and working in Indonesia says he likes to leave once a year to get some reality.   I think that is good advise.  :tiphat:

Thanks Intrepid --you've got your hands full getting your daughter to school!  Good advice all around. I envy you that you still share a closeness with your family. I used to be very close to my family--in fact my brother and sister and I worked together in their mail order map business. They never quite grasped why we wanted to leave our old life and move to the Philippines. They are all out busy trying to work and live their hectic lives. I'm not sure if it's a sense of betrayal or jealousy, or just being kind of overwhelmed in work and paying bills etc. When I hear from now it's always a short email it's always short note with not much substance or meaning. I'm always encouraging and positive about their lives, and I used to see chirpy FB posts from my sister, but again those reasons that I'm living this perceived "dream life" seems to spur resentment. I believe that if there was an emergency or we needed help they would always rise to the occasion, as we would, but otherwise we're literally worlds apart om their part. Sometimes makes me sad and frustrated, but it's just a reality that I have to accept. Maybe some day that will change. Anyway I'm glad that the case is not the same for you.

Edited by Queenie O.
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Posted
14 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Sometimes we get discouraged.  Pull yourself out of it, there are brighter days ahead.

Thanks for sharing Dave. I can relate to some instances of your story too. too. That might be a case for trying out a place for a while to see if other places are more appealing before settling down and building/buying a house like we did. (Although my husband is content more often than not here.) You have some good experiences and advice all around 'dI say. Thanks for the encouragement too !

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5 minutes ago, Queenie O. said:

I used to see chirpy FB posts from my sister, but again those reasons that I'm living this perceived "dream life" seems to spur resentment

4 minutes ago, Queenie O. said:

 

After about a year living here my sister asked me how was my permanent vacation?  I just laughed and told her it is no vacation,...its life.  As a mater of fact I told her I had more relax time living in back in the states.  I don't even feel like I'm retired now because of all we have to do.

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It's normal and reasonable to question our life's direction Queenie. Often I will dwell on the minor negative things going on or daily aches and pains and ignore the many meaningful wonderful things happening. Lately I've been seriously thinking of retiring and spending the summers in Cebu.

When was the last time you visited your family in the States? Maybe it's time?

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Posted
9 hours ago, intrepid said:

Next is a big one for me, getting away once in a while if your budget allows.  A friend from South Africa living and working in Indonesia says he likes to leave once a year to get some reality.   I think that is good advise.  :tiphat:

I agree Intrepid. I think that you  and others who in the past  are right about how travel sometimes to different places can be fun and improve your outlook.That's a plan for us too, in the not too far future.:smile:

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