The only guy in the village

[stevewool]

Well I met a expat last night and his wife and it was brilliant, the girls was chatting and we was chatting and I think it went down very well, and what did we have in common loads, it turned out we was both from England and that’s a good start, we both loved to chat and listen too, and blow me down we are both members on here now fancy that , members from here meeting up and getting on , I think we shall call ourselves the 2nd Dumaguete Friday night meet up gang .

Ps , can just 2 be called a gang.

[Tommy T.]

11 minutes ago, stevewool said:

FAMILY 

Yeah... correction here... you are right... FAMILY.

[RBM]

On 12/5/2019 at 12:34 PM, Maxheadspace said:

I'm not living in the Philippines at the moment, but when I've been an expat in other countries the expats always gravitated towards each other and formed great bonds.  It's disturbing to hear that's not the case in the Philippines.  I'm living in Korea now and us Western foreigners always bond quickly. 

Suggest you read the posts on Dumguete get together right here on this wonderful forum.

[RBM]

19 hours ago, Eddie1 said:

An accurate comment in my opinion, not always so easy to find.  Many different expat nationalities and cultures here that simply just don't gel. 

Yes can be, main issue when mixing to much with same expats is......wifes and Girl Friends back stabbing over stupid petty jealously matters.

[JDDavao II]

8 hours ago, bastonjock said:

he may have been the genuine guy who got robbed of his passport and cash

I was the maintenance engineer for two piers on the central waterfront in Seattle. it was a high-tourist area and so, an area awash in grifters (and many people genuinely in need).

I've heard a lot of cons. From needing bus fare to get back home to attend a family member's funeral (some relatives die over and over again each weekend), to simply wanting to buy beer ("Hey, at least I'm being honest!").

My favorite: A guy in a suit claiming that he just had his bag stolen with his phone and money in it. He hit me up twice in one week. Bad memory, too, I guess. The second time, I tried to remind him that he'd already tried that con on me earlier in the week. He said, brazenly, "You wouldn't believe it, it happened AGAIN!" 

[Mike J]

22 hours ago, JDDavao said:

I've heard a lot of cons. From needing bus fare to get back home to attend a family member's funeral (some relatives die over and over again each weekend), to simply wanting to buy beer ("Hey, at least I'm being honest!").

I had a friend in the US who had a good response when people would ask him for a handout.  He would say; "Actually I am a little short myself, would you take an IOU?"  He said one actually said "Yeah, I been there and gave him a dollar"  

[Snowy79]

Maybe as I'm begining to experience some ex pats have friended others thinking they are being sociable and opened up to them about personel things.  The fellow ex pat then tells his partner he has just friended a new guy, she asks what they talked about and she listens.  The next thing the whole village knows his personal life and had a little extra added just to make the story sound better.  

I'm still deciding whether to de brief my neighbour and his partner.  He's a nice guy, likes a drink but we just small talk as we share a balcony, never once mentioned anything personal to him.  His partner and me exchange the usual good morning and hello that's all.  I came back from the gym to find his partner and mine chatting.  My partner came in the house and tells me she had been warning her off about me and to be careful as I'll go looking for other women. 

I thought I'd escaped the crab mentality as I moved islands to escape it and only been here about three weeks. I'm now getting to the stage also of thinking if it's worth socialising much.  I like my own company anyway. 

[gery0x]

On 12/10/2019 at 10:13 AM, Snowy79 said:

The fellow ex pat then tells his partner he has just friended a new guy, she asks what they talked about and she listens.  The next thing the whole village knows his personal life and had a little extra added just to make the story sound better.

 

On 12/10/2019 at 10:13 AM, Snowy79 said:

My partner came in the house and tells me she had been warning her off about me and to be careful as I'll go looking for other women. 

Hmm, looks to me like your new friend's partner is tsismosa (or "chismosa", never figured out how to spell it correctly) - basically a person who likes to gossip a lot!

The simple - innocent - term "sure, I think most Filipinas are beautiful girls" may become "I am looking out for other women" this way...

 

As to debriefing, me personally I would talk to the guy but of course not blatantly criticise his partner! Maybe just ask where she possibly got that idea from...

 

On 12/10/2019 at 10:13 AM, Snowy79 said:

I thought I'd escaped the crab mentality as I moved islands to escape it and only been here about three weeks. I'm now getting to the stage also of thinking if it's worth socialising much.

Three weeks is not a long time and that's a thing you gonna need to get used to for sure - people here love to gossip, as much as they love to sing (karaoke)!

Not sure though if "moved islands" means you moved from Europe to Phils or you moved islands within the Phils!

Anyway, don't get intimidated by that, maybe your new friend has the same problem...

Definitely a topic worth discussing with him when and if the friendship grows stronger!

[Snowy79]

8 hours ago, gery0x said:

 

Not sure though if "moved islands" means you moved from Europe to Phils or you moved islands within the Phils!

Anyway, don't get intimidated by that, maybe your new friend has the same problem...

Definitely a topic worth discussing with him when and if the friendship grows stronger!

I've lived here over 4 years now and did my fair share of travelling about and socialising but always kept my personal life private with those around me.  

It's definitely in their DNA to be interested in others lives and not usually in a positive way. Usually making up what they don't know or over thinking.  From my experience full on confrontation is the only route that stops it.  I think it's the Filipino pride.  They hate to be shown up and will hide away once challenged for fear of being known as a chismosa even though it's true. 

They tend to pick easier victims. 

[gery0x]

3 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

always kept my personal life private with those around me.  

yep that's always a good thing to do!

3 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

It's definitely in their DNA to be interested in others lives and not usually in a positive way. Usually making up what they don't know or over thinking.

I wouldn't nail this to the DNA *lol* but yes it is for sure a cultural thing to be curious about everything and everybody!

But making up stuff is another topic, also frowned upon amongst the filipinos - "chismoso na ka?"....

 

3 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

From my experience full on confrontation is the only route that stops it.  I think it's the Filipino pride.

Direct challenge is almost always the wrong way to approach a Filipino (or any Asian) when it comes to problems - never forget the concept of "loss of face"!

Unless you know the person really really well, of course...

 

If you directly approach a problem to a Pinoy, it might stop the symptoms for sure, at first, but not the root cause!

It's a little bit more complicated, as you surely know...