Can a leopard change its spots

[stevewool]

We all have to change something in our lives to make things better or just to keep the peace but how far do you go ,plus can others change there ways to help you along .

As a foreigner in a new country where things are done so different and it’s been done that way since they wanted it done that way so why change , I am on about day to day living .

These last few days has been very hard for me , from eating a light breakfast or having nothing, then another meal later in the day or early evenings and it’s been like that for years to what seems like eating from waking up to going to sleep, it’s the constant cooking and smells and noise , it’s being with the family way which I can understand and I do try to stay with them all but I feel like I am taking up a seat for someone , so I leave to sit somewhere else.

Again I have mentioned about my cleaning compared to being here and I will us the washing liquid and even boil some hot water but they will just rinse and use again, and rubbish , I have mentioned let’s get a bin with a lid but that’s fallen on deaf ears it seems.

Its a complete new way of living , I am not on holiday eating out and so on , but also I don’t fancy living like this for ever either.

Would it be different if we was living in our own house , I think it would ,but when there is some celebration like family gatherings well then it’s Emma’s way the family gatherings way has to be respected .

Am I regretting anything we have done so far ,no I am just having a moan about two cultures clashing without knowing they are clashing .

 

Believe me when I say I am trying to change my ways but it seems it’s only going one way , a great saying in England,a child should be seen and not heard , yes it’s very old saying , but here you hear then like foghorns then the adults start and we even have a yapping dog that’s get in on the act too now.

They are all leaving tomorrow I am told but I was also told they are only here for New Year’s Eve .well if they are here it’s going to be fun the builders are here too.

[scott h]

9 minutes ago, stevewool said:

I am just having a moan about two cultures clashing without knowing they are clashing .

That is why it is said if a person last 5 years here, they can last forever. 

At first everything is a novelty, lax rules and regulations, different cultural norms etc etc etc

At one year it becomes …..WTF! Why don't they do.....???? that's when true acclimatization begins. 

Only 4 years 10 months to go Steve 

[Lou49]

I moved to the PI in 2011 intending to probably stay permanently. I lasted 13 months. Drove me nuts. The little things just ground me down until I couldn’t take any more. So now I visit several times a year, I stay 2 or 3 months, then retreat back to my fortress of solitude in Canada. Best of both worlds.

[Tommy T.]

2 minutes ago, Lou49 said:

I moved to the PI in 2011 intending to probably stay permanently. I lasted 13 months. Drove me nuts. The little things just ground me down until I couldn’t take any more. So now I visit several times a year, I stay 2 or 3 months, then retreat back to my fortress of solitude in Canada. Best of both worlds.

It's good that you recognized your perceptions and tolerances fairly early on. Just come here when the snow is 3 meters deep and the temp drops below -20 there. Everyone should do like you - what makes them happy and comfortable.

[TimL]

It definitely takes some getting used to Steve. Being in your own place say a good island or two away from the family would probably go a long way towards keeping your sanity. Like you, I can’t handle all of that either. For a mostly broke population, they sure do spend a lot celebrating. Hahaha...

Hang in there and move to your own place. ;)

[stevewool]

15 minutes ago, TimL said:

It definitely takes some getting used to Steve. Being in your own place say a good island or two away from the family would probably go a long way towards keeping your sanity. Like you, I can’t handle all of that either. For a mostly broke population, they sure do spend a lot celebrating. Hahaha...

Hang in there and move to your own place. ;)

Found my own space , just outside in the corner of the balcony and it’s in the shade till around 10 am , then it’s looking for somewhere else to hide.

[bob1965]

1 hour ago, Lou49 said:

I moved to the PI in 2011 intending to probably stay permanently. I lasted 13 months. Drove me nuts. The little things just ground me down until I couldn’t take any more. So now I visit several times a year, I stay 2 or 3 months, then retreat back to my fortress of solitude in Canada. Best of both worlds.

I think I realized that my first trip there.  I like the challenge, I like the novelty. But I also know it will start getting annoying after a while. My plan is 3.5 months there followed by 2.5 months in canada. I figure that way I get to keep both my sanity and my health insurance. Win win.

[Eddie1]

2 hours ago, TimL said:

It definitely takes some getting used to Steve. Being in your own place say a good island or two away from the family would probably go a long way towards keeping your sanity.

Steve, hate to be negative mate but I have never seen how it can work for you there in as much as I hope that it will.  TimL puts it very clear ...Move away from her family!  Since day one, even when you were in the UK, you have had issues with them, how much more so now that you are here?  The family of my missus are on the next island over, 7 hours away by bus and ferry... that's close enough for my liking.  We have the occasional visits to each other and that works out just fine, they also don't hit us up for money although we will help when I deem it necessary.  I have been here a lot less time than many of the other members , I am now at 2 years 3 months, but apart from coming across the occasional expat who turns out to be a wanker I am loving it here, I wouldn't dream of going back to the UK.  I have the occasional bad/gloomy day or two but in truth I am very happy, to use a Philippines expression 'I feel blessed to be living here'.  You are the one providing all the cash for the numerous projects and improvements which they seem happy to let you do (no surprises there) but unless you have the genuine support and respect of her family they will be just as happy to milk you and let you get on your way, just my own opinion of course.  Being careful not to offend you, your wife comes across as not really being considerate of your needs, it has always seemed to be about her and her family from what you have written over the years.  Get away from them and come and see some other expats in other parts of this wonderful country, I think your appreciation and enjoyment levels will rise dramatically.  Happy New Year fella! 

[Old55]

Each of us are responsible for our own happiness. Being married is a partnership and each individual must work as a team for success. It's up to you Steve to make your feelings and expectations very clear to your wife. It's also your responsibility to truly listen to your wife and her needs keeping in mind Filipinos don't always say what they mean so learn from Emma and her family's actions. 

[hk blues]

Steve mate, please take this in the spirit it's intended -

I think you are not going to adapt well to life here, or indeed anywhere outside the UK. It's not your observations about things here which make me think that - much of them are spot on -  but the simple fact you want things as they are in the UK.

Maybe many will miss my point here, or misinterpret it, but if you look at my posts I never say back in Scotland, always the UK.  To most that is meaningless but I've concluded over the last 25+ years away from home that people who say they are from London, for example, rather than England rather than the UK tend to be less accepting of other environments. 

A case in point is one of my old neighbours from the US. He tells everyone he's from California, never the USA and that he speaks American. None of this is in jest or indeed for any reason other than he believes it to be true. He loves living here...but not here, rather in Boracay where he can live life as if he were back home to a much better extent than if he were here in Iloilo. 

Anyhow Steve, your gut will tell you what's right and I reckon you know already the way forward.