Hands up, I made a big mistake

[stevewool]

Well I hold my hands up and will admit I have made a big mistake being here in the Philippines and trying to live with the in-laws our house family home, it has not worked out for me.

I did my best to try and mix in at first and I even suggested things before we came here about helping family members because I thought they was misunderstood and again how wrong was I.

Now don’t get me wrong the Philippines is a wonderful place I am sure and I am sure that there are some folk who lives with the in-laws and it’s fantastic but it’s not for me , the house that we built can be the fathers house or any member of the families house once I have given up the top floor and I am not telling any family member that I am giving it up but I shall make my stays here very short in Marikina but over many years, and there will not be a apartment built at the back of the house too.

The brother in law is just a waste of space but he is blood not matter what he does or in my eyes doesn’t do and I am not prepared to feed him and treat him when he goes to the market, the father in law well he has let all this happen by not being stronger to his son but who am I to say so, there has been other issues that I have not liked and it seems like nothing is being done about it, it seems like I or both of us are causing a up evil and trouble in the house as before everything was ok but with all the changes we have made some folk don’t seem to like it .

So it’s back to the drawing board and start making new plans for my or our future, Emma knows how I feel and I think she feels the same but what can she do ( it’s family ) as she says, so I am taking charge , the house will be finished off still and I am convinced it will be in a state when we come back in the near future , but I may be proved wrong .

So anyone knows of any lots or homes a good few hours away from Marikina , must have electric, water and next to a road .

[Tommy T.]

Sorry that things are not working our for you with the family, Steve. I wish things were more positive for you.

However, it is also good that now you recognize and see the issues so you can deal with them somewhat before you return to England.

 I can tell you about some land here in Davao area, but that may a bit too far afield for you.

Good luck to you Mate! Let us know what sort of immoral support we might be able to offer you?

And know that you are not alone...

Edited February 11, 2020 by Tommy T.

[Marvin Boggs]

35 minutes ago, stevewool said:

So anyone knows of any lots or homes a good few hours away from Marikina , must have electric, water and next to a road .

Just thinking, to put some water between you and them may work out better next time.  As you have discovered, there need to be limits when dealing with the in-laws and extended family.  Sorry to hear that your investment in the house will end up being enjoyed by someone else, but I suppose its not such an expensive lesson in the big picture of life.

[graham59]

Good luck with it Steve. 

Sometimes we and 'they' may as well be from different planets, it seems to me.  

We won't change them though, and we are the guests here.  

[jimeve]

Before I built this house I stayed with my inlaws for extended vacations (holidays) 2/3 months every year, from 2002 to 20014. No problems at all, in fact I couldn't have asked for better inlaws.

I must be lucky, wife has 7 siblings all are working and not one has asked for money nor have the wife's parents. 

[Kuya John]

Well I'm sorry that you experienced this outcome Steve,

The important thing being that you and Emma are on the same page.....many guys have lost everything and I mean everything, including their marriage/ partner!

I'm sure once you both arrive back in UK, that Emm's and yourself will discuss and come to the best conclusions as to the way forward for you both.

Good luck matey and safe journey "Home"

[Kuya John]

3 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

Good luck to you Mate! Let us know what sort of immoral support we might be able to offer you?

Hope it's not too immoral Tommy

[Arizona Kid]

4 hours ago, stevewool said:

Well I hold my hands up and will admit I have made a big mistake being here in the Philippines and trying to live with the in-laws our house family home, it has not worked out for me.

I did my best to try and mix in at first and I even suggested things before we came here about helping family members because I thought they was misunderstood and again how wrong was I.

Now don’t get me wrong the Philippines is a wonderful place I am sure and I am sure that there are some folk who lives with the in-laws and it’s fantastic but it’s not for me , the house that we built can be the fathers house or any member of the families house once I have given up the top floor and I am not telling any family member that I am giving it up but I shall make my stays here very short in Marikina but over many years, and there will not be a apartment built at the back of the house too.

The brother in law is just a waste of space but he is blood not matter what he does or in my eyes doesn’t do and I am not prepared to feed him and treat him when he goes to the market, the father in law well he has let all this happen by not being stronger to his son but who am I to say so, there has been other issues that I have not liked and it seems like nothing is being done about it, it seems like I or both of us are causing a up evil and trouble in the house as before everything was ok but with all the changes we have made some folk don’t seem to like it .

So it’s back to the drawing board and start making new plans for my or our future, Emma knows how I feel and I think she feels the same but what can she do ( it’s family ) as she says, so I am taking charge , the house will be finished off still and I am convinced it will be in a state when we come back in the near future , but I may be proved wrong .

So anyone knows of any lots or homes a good few hours away from Marikina , must have electric, water and next to a road .

I've experienced your situation here and in Mexico briefly. Mexicans and Filipinos can live in harmony in a house with all of their relatives. Bring in a foreigner that everybody thinks is rich..it changes the whole dynamic. You didn't ask for my advise, but here it comes. Move at least 2 days travel time to your nearest relative. Trust me my friend. 

[Arizona Kid]

1 hour ago, jimeve said:

Before I built this house I stayed with my inlaws for extended vacations (holidays) 2/3 months every year, from 2002 to 20014. No problems at all, in fact I couldn't have asked for better inlaws.

I must be lucky, wife has 7 siblings all are working and not one has asked for money nor have the wife's parents. 

I'm lucky also. My GF saved the money I used to give her and she started her own successful business.

[JDDavao II]

5 hours ago, stevewool said:

Well I hold my hands up and will admit I have made a big mistake being here in the Philippines and trying to live with the in-laws our house family home, it has not worked out for me.

I feel bad for you, Steve.

I thought it was going to be my wife and I and a helper until we got settled and then it would be just the wife and I. When we landed, it was the wife and I and mother-in-law brought the helper. And then MIL stayed.

"You didn't say your mother was going to live with us."

"You don't like my mother? You want her to leave?"

"Gah!!"

Then, for a while, when the sister was between houses, it was two sisters, a nephew, the estranged father, and two school-aged kids as well. Oh, they were surely plowing their millions of pesos into their own upkeep (joke, lang). 

"They're all staying?"

"You want me to tell them to leave?"

"Gah!!"

It wasn't too bad. I like everyone. It was just too damn costly for us. And I would never say they were deadbeats like you have to deal with. 

But it's friction. I felt like I didn't have a say in my own house! It was "them" and "their language" and my wife making decisions with them like I wasn't present.

Now they're all gone away and the house is empty except for my wife and I.

Quote

So anyone knows of any lots or homes a good few hours away from Marikina , must have electric, water and next to a road .

I know of one but it might be farther from Marikina than you intend. In fact, I'm sitting in it right now in Davao.