Hands up, I made a big mistake

[stevewool]

Thanks boys ,

I did try believe me , but when we came back for our days away and hearing other bits and bobs it was time to say enough is enough ,like you say about the family talking and trying to make decisions and then bringing you into the conversation once they had thought it out themselves and once I said no it seemed  the friction was then coming all from me .

 Yes I am still saying the house is ours as that is what the family told us and I will pop over every year or so for a day here and there but trying to find a new place, so I am hoping the family will stay out of the upstairs but who knows.

Emma is torn between her love for her dad and family , it’s just a pity it seems to flowing one way in my eyes , but I have told her she is more then welcome to stay here as long as she wants too, but not with me by her side.

We did not spend that much over the ten years we have been together and Emma can be proud to say she did build her dad a house after both sisters promised too but somehow forgot too, I am glad we did not buy any furniture for the house other then 2 blow up beds and canvas wardrobes plus a broken kettle , but they will come in handy for our visits 

Thanks for the advice about moving 2 days away from family ,is that walking , driving or flying and also I think Davao  is too far for me .

[stevewool]

5 hours ago, graham59 said:

Good luck with it Steve. 

Sometimes we and 'they' may as well be from different planets, it seems to me.  

We won't change them though, and we are the guests here.  

The only person you can change is yourself I have found out.

[graham59]

May I suggest moving a 'good' distance away Steve, (at least 4 hours on the bus ?) .

Rent at first...then visit the family when you and your wife want to, rather than them visiting or staying with you, and seeming to take over.

Yes, I've 'been there' mate.  I do understand ... really.

The simple fact is, even though we are married to them, we are NOT 'family'...despite our partners' reassurance to the contrary.  

We have to cope with that...one way or another .  They will never understand or accept our viewpoint. 

[Robi]

Count it as a learning experience.

Cultural differences abound. Do not set yourself up as a target.

Try role reversal. Hit them up first. From the time you step off of the airplane, you have cross hairs on you.

 

 

[Viking]

I Think it would be extremely hard to live with people I don´t know very well, even if I know them well I want my privacy. I don´t think this is because they are Pinoys, it would be the same if it were in my homecountry. I would never live together with my sister or parents here in Sweden so why would that work out somewhere else?  

[Mike J]

Me thinks it was the family that made the mistake. 

[hk blues]

12 hours ago, Viking said:

I would never live together with my sister or parents here in Sweden so why would that work out somewhere else?  

Very true. 

I only live with myself because I have to!  

[hk blues]

10 hours ago, Mike J said:

Me thinks it was the family that made the mistake. 

I don't know - they seem to have "inherited" a property out of the situation.  

[Old55]

Sorry it came to this Steve. Good thing is you both did try and there are no serious bad feelings. You can move on literally with your lives in a new location but still visit loved ones. Much easier to love from a distance. Two Island Rule?

[Nickleback99]

Steve, from you OP, I'm reminded of the advice of Perry Gamsby, Aussie author of "Philippine Dreams back circa  2005+, and whom has since moved back to Oz for kids' best chances, schools, etc......something along the lines of "Rule # 1:  Warning... Live a minimum of 3 hours away from your wife's family.  Rule #2:  You've been warned."   Seems your experience drives that home.     Now I say that knowing that when we move over next Fall, it'll only be an hour away in Antipolo most likely.   Like you, hoping for the best, but my asawa Seems be on board and has forewarned all not to come unannounced or uninvited.   We'll see how that holds, since she also wants to eventually come back here to Washington State in US, or not!   Best of luck in your search as I continue to learn from your many posts and enjoy the reading.