Popular Post stevewool Posted February 25, 2020 Popular Post Posted February 25, 2020 Well I have been here for 3 months trying to be a expat and it’s been different , the traffic ,the heat and the people does take some getting use too and 3 months is not long enough but my biggest problem since being here has been living with the family . Now I know there are many who may live with the in-laws and it works , but it did not work for me , It’s not like being king of the castle in my eyes it’s more like you are being watched all the time and it’s your money being spent on bills and food. I was presented with a water bill and electric bill which we have paid when the workers was here as they was using more then the family was using , but since they have gone I don’t mind sharing the bills, so I asked why am I paying this, it’s because they have no money ,ok it’s not a lot so I paid only for the next day for the family to buy sand and cement for the extension to his workshop/apartment, then there is the food, I am not keen on some of the food that has been brought so why should I pay for that so I stopped it and brought pasta and veg and things I may want to eat, well that caused a scene and we was accused of not feeding them ,but not directed at me but Emma but as Emma tried to explain and say see Steve they would rather say nothing to me but continued to speak in there language complaining. I know family and eating is a important Part of life here in the Philippines but I also know that I am not part of there family ways , like I have said talking together ,I may as well be in another room , and you do get fed up with the ‘Talk to uncle Steve’, eating is a free for all when everyone is there and talk about eating everything today and not saving anything for tomorrow, manors dont exist unless you are handing over cash for a birthday. The house we had built for the father well it’s our base but it’s not where I shall be staying longer then a day visit just to see the FIL and to see if it’s the way we left it , I don’t think it will but I shall wait and see, there was a lodger at the back of the house when we first arrived but he should have gone when the build had finished but like I have said the FIL seems to have made the lodgers place even better as it’s his buddy . The extra female guests that seem to appear at the house did not seem to stop they just changed the time they came , it was like we was trying to change things that they did not want to change , so I think all parties are glad we all have gone our own ways for now. We shall be back next year for a holiday again , but the house will be just a very quick visit to see if it’s still standing and is as clean as we left it, I am sure it will not. So is the Philippines for me , for now it’s not , finding our own place would be to hard as Ems wants to be close to the family and I don’t won’t go be closer then 3 hours driving in normal conditions or 6 hours Filipino time , so it’s Airbnb or other long term rentals next time we come over . Who knows once we are back in England things may become much more clear about our future plans together but I am not here to feed and support a family and being only 8 years younger then Ems father we do not have the funds to look after ourselves plus the extended family . 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post hk blues Posted February 25, 2020 Popular Post Posted February 25, 2020 I reckon the place is not for you, Steve. The basic way things are done doesn't fit in with your ways - that's fair enough and they don't fit in with mine either but I can turn a blind eye and not get involved as I don't live with my extended family. The bigger problem is how you and your partner can agree a compromise for the future. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Boggs Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 I struggle with some of the things I learn in the Philippines, because they go against what I have always been taught. For example, as Steve is discovering, being generous often bites you in the ass. We are so lucky that the immediate family does not harass us for money, or expect free home improvements, etc. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuya John Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 Hi Steve I take it you are back on British soil? Well your experience is a lesson to all prospective Newbies For some, life couldn't be brighter with great family ties and respectful family. But like most families, it only takes one black sheep to ruin the whole situation and turn things sour! What is clear from many of the replies, is living on another island away from close family seems to work for the good of all. Some members split their time between Philippines and their home country, that seems to be a good idea also. Your strength will lay in your relationship with Emm's, if that remains positive, you will survive the whole episode. Good luck for the future, life's a learning curve..........JB 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevewool Posted February 25, 2020 Author Posted February 25, 2020 4 hours ago, hk blues said: The bigger problem is how you and your partner can agree a compromise for the future. I agree and it will get sorted a big birthday bash next April for the FIL the big 70 so that may be the next trip over , but we will be staying in the house just for the few nights or none depending on how the house is and how they are. I have listened to many folk on here about being attacked or killed for showing disrespect to them and I know I have pushed some buttons concerning the so called our house and the bil but I can’t help who and how I am . I don’t own Ems and she will make her own mind up what to do about the family in the future because they don’t seem to have any idea other then to thank god each day . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevewool Posted February 25, 2020 Author Posted February 25, 2020 4 hours ago, Marvin Boggs said: I struggle with some of the things I learn in the Philippines, because they go against what I have always been taught. For example, as Steve is discovering, being generous often bites you in the ass. We are so lucky that the immediate family does not harass us for money, or expect free home improvements, etc. Asking for money has slowly stopped mainly because I say no ,plus the home improvements was something Ems has done for her dad and I can’t knock that, the only thing I can knock is how they seem to treat her , but she does not see it that way, as she says if she does not clean or cook who will, funny how they manage the rest of the months without her, ok the house is a shit hole in my eyes but they live in it not me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevewool Posted February 25, 2020 Author Posted February 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Kuya John said: Hi Steve I take it you are back on British soil? Well your experience is a lesson to all prospective Newbies For some, life couldn't be brighter with great family ties and respectful family. But like most families, it only takes one black sheep to ruin the whole situation and turn things sour! What is clear from many of the replies, is living on another island away from close family seems to work for the good of all. Some members split their time between Philippines and their home country, that seems to be a good idea also. Your strength will lay in your relationship with Emm's, if that remains positive, you will survive the whole episode. Good luck for the future, life's a learning curve..........JB Still here but locked up in a hotel near the airport away from the family and it’s wonderful, me and Ems will be fine I am sure, but she has her own mind . 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDDavao II Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 I guess that my experience here has largely been atypical where family is concerned. M's family won't ask for money or at least they don't ask very often for very much. Dad needed his medicine costs covered a couple of times when sister was late sending from Saudi Arabia. I always left recovering the loan to M. Mom needed new glasses and so did sister. But those costs were met with expressions of eternal gratitude. Someone in Boracay fell out of a tree and broke his arm which left the family there short one income for four weeks so we covered the hospital bill. I know M has refused her family money a couple of times. When the MIL and others were living here, M would always tell me that they kept asking, "Is he mad?" They were afraid they might do something to anger me. I honestly don't know what I'd do if I was in Steve's flipflops. I'd have been off to prison a long time ago, I suppose. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuya John Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 21 minutes ago, JDDavao said: I honestly don't know what I'd do if I was in Steve's flipflops. I'd have been off to prison a long time ago, I suppose. From what I have seen and heard, prison in Philippines is not an option any foreigner would willingly choose!!! Cut and Run is the most likely option for me. I'm sure when Steve and Emms arrive back in UK......a few days in the Lake District and "Sense and Sensibility" will prevail. respectfully JB 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Hounddriver Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 1 hour ago, stevewool said: Still here but locked up in a hotel near the airport away from the family and it’s wonderful, me and Ems will be fine I am sure, but she has her own mind . I remember you saying you had a plane ticket that goes back via Hong Kong. Not sure how long it will go on but a fellow I know sent me a message that he and his wife tried to go home through Hong Kong and they refured to let his wife on the plane because she had a Filipino passport. If your wife is traveling on a British passport she will probably be fine. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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