Moving in with a filipina and her family

[Squid1981]

I am 39 years old and I recieve ssdi and when I am able I want to come to the Philippines (digos.city) where I have been invited to stay for 30 days at my gf house.what kind of culture shock should i prepare myself for?

[Old55]

Welcome to the forum. 

Your friend could best answer those questions but it depends. Some poor areas could be a challenge but overall you should be able to manage. Most likely you will enjoy your visit.

[Mike J]

You might want to read the book "Culture Shock Philippines".  Available from Amazon.  I read it many years ago prior to my first visit.  It will give you an overview of traditional Philippine culture, traditions, and values.  It will be of particular help if your girl and family live a more traditional or provincial lifestyle. 

[OnMyWay]

Nope.  Don't do it.

Digos City is south of Davao City in Mindanao.  I assume you have not been to the Philippines and have not met your GF in person yet.  This is not really a safe area, especially for a first time visitor.  Everything you do will need to be monitored and escorted by the family.  You will be under total control of the family.  They may be fine people, but you don't know that yet.  In either case, you will be pressured by them in many ways.

Visit a safer area of the Philippines first.  Have your GF visit you.

[GeoffH]

3 hours ago, Squid1981 said:

I have been invited to stay for 30 days at my gf house.what kind of culture shock should i prepare myself for?

Digos City is inside the 'orange travel advice area'... only just but it's not the area I'd suggest for a first Philippines visit (and I say that as someone who's got a GF and house in that same orange area - albeit in a larger city).

I'd suggest offering to send enough money for a ferry ticket and food and accommodation and have them come to Cebu.

But if you are set on going there I'd book a room in a western style hotel in the city and have them visit you.

It's almost impossible to answer 'what culture shock' because we don't know the living situation of your GF or your experience with third world countries.

You might get there and find they live in a Bamboo Nipa hut with a hole in the ground for a toilet and sleep 8 to a room on cardboard on the floor.

Or they might have a concrete house and a sari sari and sleep on foams (2 inch thick foam mattresses) that they bring out at night and put on the sala (lounge room) floor.  And have an inside toilet but with a bucket and a tabo for washing and flushing the CR (toilet).

Or they might have a more western style lifestyle but if they're looking for a western husband or boyfriend they probably aren't 'rich' (which means something a bit different in the Philippines).

Or... they might be scammers and the GF might already have a husband or a boyfriend.  Keep your wallet on you where you know it is all the time, don't be surprised if people you don't know ask you for money and 30 days is a long time.  Maybe spend some time elsewhere in the Philippines.  

And even if they aren't scammers 30 days is a long long  time to spend in a rural purok with no internet, 2 channels of filipino TV (if that) and no real local stores...  maybe ask for some pictures of the house?  They might be embarressed to show you so that might not work.

Edited July 27, 2020 by GeoffH

[peterfe]

13 minutes ago, OnMyWay said:

Nope.  Don't do it.

Digos City is south of Davao City in Mindanao.  I assume you have not been to the Philippines and have not met your GF in person yet.  This is not really a safe area, especially for a first time visitor.  Everything you do will need to be monitored and escorted by the family.  You will be under total control of the family.  They may be fine people, but you don't know that yet.  In either case, you will be pressured by them in many ways.

Visit a safer area of the Philippines first.  Have your GF visit you.

I second that. Otherwise, it's really difficult to give advice without knowing anything about this girl (or about you). As you won't be allowed into the Philippines for many months yet, you could spend some time reading the relevant parts of this forum (about Internet dating, the Filipina, etc.). Book a flat/house with at least two rooms (not a hotel room) for a couple of weeks or more in a safe part of the country. Invite her to come with a relative or good friend and take it from there... Has she asked you to send her money for anything?

[graham59]

I don't think it will be a cheap relaxing vacation, that's for sure...if you need to ask about the 'culture shock'. lol

Usually not much do in a provincial village...if that's where the home is, but you'll be welcomed with open arms into the male relatives' heavy drinking sessions each evening.   

Anyway, stick around, ask us some more questions , and if you have them to share...suggest you post some pics of your proposed accommodation.  

[intrepid]

57 minutes ago, OnMyWay said:

Nope.  Don't do it.

Digos City is south of Davao City in Mindanao.  I assume you have not been to the Philippines and have not met your GF in person yet.  This is not really a safe area, especially for a first time visitor.  Everything you do will need to be monitored and escorted by the family.  You will be under total control of the family.  They may be fine people, but you don't know that yet.  In either case, you will be pressured by them in many ways.

Visit a safer area of the Philippines first.  Have your GF visit you.

Looks like I am the third to vote Don't do it.  At least don't go there.  Most of us here enjoy a good adventure and mine sure was on my first visit.  That was Manila and south to Laguna.  I felt mostly safe that first visit but was always cautious.  I think most of us here with any time at all would agree it is fairly safe most anywhere in the Philippines including most parts of Mindanao. However,  if you do some reading about safety in Mindanao you will find plenty of stories.  As others have mentioned play it safe on this one.  She may be a really nice girl from a good family.  But until you meet her and her family you will not know for sure.  As mentioned above, see if she is willing and her family allow, meet her in another city where it would be safer.  She may request a family member or friend to come with her and that is normal here.  After some time with her you will be better able to judge her intentions.  Good luck.

[Snowy79]

Make me the 4th don't do it.  Look on it as a bonus though that you have been invited into the family as it narrows down the risk of her being a bar girl.  It's a common ploy by bar girls to pretend they are from dangerous areas so the boyfriend doesn't catch onto her lifestyle. 

From my perspective it's not a safety issue that would be my fear but the massive culture difference.  Think of it as an atheist spending Easter with a group of devout catholics. 

I'd certainly opt for getting the girlfriend to experience a Western culture inside the Philippines than the other way around unless you intend to settle in the province with little Western luxuries.  You can rent a nice Air BNB for a month relatively cheap, certainly cheaper than feeding 15 family members for a month in a tourist area and she can bring a chaperone along. 

Getting to see what makes a Filipino tick on a daily basis is fun enough on your own without a whole family wanting a piece of you.  They are lovely people but they can overpower you at times with their questions, if you answer some in a joke like manner be careful as many don't get jokes, this could end up in them taking offence.  Best to see how your partner reacts to you then you can gauge her family.

[manofthecoldland]

6 hours ago, Squid1981 said:

I am 39 years old and I recieve ssdi and when I am able I want to come to the Philippines (digos.city) where I have been invited to stay for 30 days at my gf house.what kind of culture shock should i prepare myself for?

 

2 hours ago, peterfe said:

I second that. Otherwise, it's really difficult to give advice without knowing anything about this girl (or about you). As you won't be allowed into the Philippines for many months yet, you could spend some time reading the relevant parts of this forum (about Internet dating, the Filipina, etc.)

Other than age, income source, a general destination and the fact that a "girlfriend" (of an unspecified type and duration) has invited you to stay at a house (of some unspecified type/family?) for 30 days...  it is rather problematic to offer any real advice not based on worse case assumptions. 

Hence, the many defensive recommendations. Wishing you 'Good luck'.