Smiling faces.... Are Filipinos truly friendly? Do you have Filipino friends?

[Dave Hounddriver]

3 minutes ago, Old55 said:

No one's being racist Dave.

I figured that would get a response.  Just throwing it out there.  People do the same about us Canucks. (thinking we are all the same I mean).  Now you Yanks . . yep.  All the same.  

[stevewool]

Are Filipinos friendly , well my experience is if you are wanting a service from them then yes they are all smiles and talking , but ain’t that everywhere 

[Gandang Smile]

4 hours ago, hk blues said:

I suppose it's unfair to say locals are unfriendly, rather they are different and we always think our ways are the best, don't we. 

I think politeness is pretty much universal across every society in the world. Japanese might come across as weird in many different ways, but they're undeniably polite, especially GenX-ers and older.

4 hours ago, hk blues said:

1- We have new neighbours - they had extensive renovations and caused us a fair amount of hassle. They moved in, no apology for anthing and they have never proactively acknowledged any of their neighbours.

They are probably one of those upper class families who are fine on their own, or with their own kind. At least you have a guarantee that, unlike the sari-sari store owner as in 3), they will never bother you with favours.

4 hours ago, hk blues said:

2- We want to the family home for NY. We were there a good 20 minutes before any of the family stopped their pottering around to say Hello. Bear in mind we hadn't seen them for 11 months.

Another typical behaviour of Filipinos. Food trumps everything else. Eat muna! You stuff your plate first, then you ask questions (or say "hallo"). Food is central in Japanese and even my own (Italian) culture, too, yet very few hosts in those countries would delay welcoming guests because they are busy filling up their plates.

4 hours ago, hk blues said:

3- We shop in the sari sari opposite. They never proactively say hello in passing and never show up at the various events we hold. 

Wait until their elderly gets sick or the daughter needs a new phone. They will suddenly start saying hallo and ask for a favour two days later. 

4 hours ago, hk blues said:

Now, there are different ways of looking at all of the above and we can argue around each case in terms of right/wrong. I'm just saying it's not my/our way. Is it being unfriendly - maybe yes but I think it's something deeper and more nuanced than that. Shy/Reserved/Disinterested perhaps can be used as well.

But, it's not how thet are with me, it's with everyone so nothing personal. 

I spent years and years giving Filipinos plenty of benefit of the doubt, pulling out all sorts of weird and wonderful explanations as to why their behaviour is different.

In the end, Occam's Razor proved right once again. Most Filipinos are simply uneducated and don't give much value to politeness, kindness and friendship for the sake of themselves. Many of those families who have a Chinese upbringing also tend to behave like mainland Chinese: if they need you for anything, that's when they will acknowledge your existence, otherwise you're invisibile or just a nuisance to them.

The Filipinos who are good at establishing a decent, uninterested friendship are not necessarily the rich and cultured ones, but those who have spent some time abroad, exposed to the cultures that like to go beyond functional friendships.

Not to offend anyone, but these attitudes of "you are what you have" and "I'm your friend if you can be of use to me" are still quite common in North American society. I wouldn't be surprised Filipinos took this cultural trait from US culture.

 

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[Snowy79]

I'm a person with few friends but many aquaintancies both here and in the West. My personal experience has been a mixed bag depending on where I've been.  In Palawan I met people who could have been true friends I think.  I've known them for over 5 yrs and we meet up once or twice per year but keep in touch.  They aren't well off by any means.  I also have a group of Filipinos that I did mountain climbing with and again have kept in touch with, these are reasonably well off and both groups have asked for nothing and always equally contributed when we've been out and about. 

On the other hand many of the locals where I've lived long term and have mixed with have always been friendly until they ask for something, once they get it I can hand on heart say I rarely see or hear from them again.  This is in areas where there are more Westerners and I know we are all looked on as wealthy as I've been told many times.  Where I previously lived in Puerto Galera my partner showed me a few posts on a local Filipino website.  These were posts by Filipino business owners calling foreigners dogs and saying they should all be sent home, the amount of likes was shocking. My partner commented that maybe they should refuse all foreigners custom and see how they get on with losing the majority of ther business as these guys ran bars, restaurants and did tours.    

[Gandang Smile]

6 hours ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Many because over the years, I have had to integrate because Cora is a full time worker, This is one of the main problems with foreigners, many just will not integrate and therefore never really understand the Local 

Some of them surely prefer to stay put in their fortress house in the province, sipping San Mig Light and taking care of their immediate families.

I think many of them might be put off by the sticky and ultimately interested kind of friendliness shown by Filipinos. I spent more than 2 years in Davao naively convinced that, in order to integrate and be someone, I had to respect all the rituals of the local social scene: join a Rotary Club (which is a big hypocritical organisation, all scene and stealing), turn up to dinner events organised by my "friends", take care of my employees and other "friends" with a lot of extra cash handouts.

In the end, I have only been fooled and fleeced left, right and centre. I gave away thousands of dollars in "loans" that were never repaid (nor will ever be). Yes, if I had moved to Manila instead of Davao, I would have probably found less insisting and more reliable people, even at the cost of less smiles and "professions of friendships". It would have been better that way.

By the time I closed my company in Davao and moved to Metro Manila, I lost any residual desire to test the Filipino's ability to be a genuine friend. I used to hang around with a couple of expats pre-lockdown but now one of them is back in Europe and the other one just doesn't go out anymore.

In short, my experience with "friendly Filipino" has been: extend your hand and they will try to take both arms and a leg. Protect yourself by ignoring them, and prepare yourself to the most profound type of loneliness.

 

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[Jack Peterson]

2 minutes ago, Gandang Smile said:

extend your hand and they will try to take both arms and a leg. Protect yourself by ignoring them, and prepare yourself to the most profound type of loneliness.

 So why do you Stay?

[Freebie]

Definitely a very big differences in the way that people treat you,  between any of the larger cities and the province.

 

 

Additionally I worked here for a large hospitality operation, for over 5 years and then with 1000 staff , you quickly become aware of whose smile is real and genuine and whose is not. Interestingly, the lower the person was paid, the more menial the job, the more genuine the smile seemed to be.  Along with some of the jokes these guys would make. People grateful for a good job maybe.

Also interestingly, was that female staff in whatever job level ,tended to not only be friendly ( no not TOO friendly, that was verboten ) but also they worked harder, better and smarter. Often much more creative at work, and because always busy, they seemed to have no time for the gossip and tsismis by which many Filipinas are characterised, and with good reason too.

Those filipinos that have had some exposure to the west either as an ofw or who have been fortunate to travel tend to be better at being friends. In my small experience.

[Gandang Smile]

6 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 So why do you Stay?

Because my wife is finishing her contract with the Asian Development Bank. She is going to apply for a few Masters programmes abroad, so there is a good chance we might move to Italy, Spain or Japan next year.

All in all, I don't hate living here. When I lived in London I didn't know anyone, either, and my social life was limited to drinking beer with one of my two friends (both non-British) and going out with my ex-wife.

It's just that I came here with a good, perhaps excessive, dose of naivety. I thought the Philippines as a place where I could be myself, have more meaningful relationships, make a difference by helping younger software developers growing up professionally. I also had considered the opportunity of restarting my love life with one of those sweet Filipinas.

The only thing that worked was the sweet Filipina, in fact I got very lucky with C my wife. Everything else was just a naive dream and wishful thinking and came down crashing in a mere couple of years.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[Jack Peterson]

 The well off Filipino have little or no use for a Foreigner, but are we really talking about that side of things or should just think about the man on the street, Which is to my mind what we should be thinking of  

[Jake]

5 hours ago, Old55 said:

Another topic got onto Are Filipinos Friendly.

Everyone says "Filipinos are so friendly!".  As a Foreigner we are often greeted with a smile and sometimes polite words as well. Is this superficial, are Filipinos truly friendly? 

At a different time and a different world, the Filipinos were very friendly and grateful after they were liberated from Japanese occupation.  The greeting "Hey Joe" was a term of endearment for the weary US soldiers passing through their village.  I must admit that I don't know the current culture or the general street atmosphere, since I haven't been back to PI since 1997.  

However, there will always be that 10% of bad apples among any group of nationalities.  Personally, I am very grateful that I was able to immigrate to US at age 6.  There, I learn about respect and work ethics and no Filipino time.  At age 12 and still speaking with a heavy accent, I was so proud of myself wearing the uniform of Boy Scouts USA.  And of course, that eventually led me into the US military (21 years) and I'm very grateful that I survived all that military chicken shit...he, he.  Talk about bad apples, right Dan?  

Superficial or genuine?  I guess it's based on individual experience whether that respect and kindness is mutual.  These days, that human attribute of love your fellow man is quickly eroding the fabric of human decency.  Just about everyday, the headlines are full of hate.  What is this world coming to?  Respectfully Jake