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Pakikisama: The spoken and unspoken rules and culture for living in the Philippine


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Excellent post.  Of course, like you said every jungle has snakes.  The problem with Pakikisama is you have to walk a tightrope between taking advantage and being taken advantage of.  My wife and I have set down firm and inflexible rules to deal with this especially when it comes to family.

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For most westerners arriving in the Philippines, there can be culture shock. Most travellers would say, however, that their initial experience in the country can be summed up in the words of kindness,

My wife has a big heart when dealing with other Filipinos. We live in the jungle so have to walk past or drive past the poor huts that they live in. Some have taken advantage of her and some have take

It certainly helps when you don't hand out freebies but ask for a favour in return.  The old saying " Kindness is a sign of weakness" certainly applied to myself initially. I had my fair share of user

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4 hours ago, jimeve said:

My wife has a big heart when dealing with other Filipinos. We live in the jungle so have to walk past or drive past the poor huts that they live in. Some have taken advantage of her and some have taken valuables from our house. But most are just friendly and easy to get on with. If they ask for money wife says to them, okay you must do some gardening for us or clean the house. Just the packs of dogs barking at my heels when I walk past that I hate.

 

2 hours ago, Snowy79 said:

It certainly helps when you don't hand out freebies but ask for a favour in return.  The old saying " Kindness is a sign of weakness" certainly applied to myself initially. I had my fair share of users when I first started giving out help.  Now I agree to help in return for x, y or z. It's amazing how many emergencies disappeared when you wanted something as collateral. 

I laid down a marker from Day 1 (actually before when we were living in Hong Kong) with my wife and her family - I worked all my days to get what little I have and I'm not willing to give that little to folk who haven't worked a day in their life or who have chosen to retire on no income at 30!  We're in a lower middle-class area so not many impoverished here so begging neighbours not really a problem.  We (Ok, I) lend money to our next-door neighbour frequently (every month or other month), small amounts which are always repaid on time.  

Snowy hit the nail on the head - kindness is seen as a weakness.  

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On 4/29/2021 at 9:24 AM, jimeve said:

Me too, I won't wait no patience at all. I was in Robinson and only bought a few things and there was only a few checkout placed working and they had long lines.

I put all the items back and walked out.

Two comments here.

We know the best time to shop when its not so crowded, beauty of having time on ones hand.

I stay car with A/C on, SOH goes in, bought a gomo sim almost a year ago, P300, although always using it still used just 10% of it.

Shopping is no worries.....

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3 hours ago, RBM said:

Two comments here.

We know the best time to shop when its not so crowded, beauty of having time on ones hand.

I stay car with A/C on, SOH goes in, bought a gomo sim almost a year ago, P300, although always using it still used just 10% of it.

Shopping is no worries.....

Thing is, it weren't crowded. There were only a few check-out counters operating and had long lines.

Secondly. I always shop with Eve, she con't carry the bags all by her self. That's why they call me gentleman Jim.

:waiting_80_anim_gif:

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On 4/29/2021 at 7:15 AM, graham59 said:

I ask the Mrs to do it for me. She's so much better at it. :mocking:

The boss is the designated long line stander. She seems to like it) I just go find a place to sit down and people watch.

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On 4/30/2021 at 10:05 AM, jimeve said:

some have taken valuables from our house

You write it like it's no big deal. You're a target. If that happens once, I'd pack up and move to a guard-gated subdivision, it's why they exist here as part of the culture.

Edited by Shady
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5 hours ago, Shady said:

You write it like it's no big deal. You're a target. If that happens once, I'd pack up and move to a guard-gated subdivision, it's why they exist here as part of the culture.

I can't afford to move to a "Guard-gated subdivision" and for your information we are not a target. it happened a few years ago and we already know who stole from us.

But thanks for your advise.

Jim.

 

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5 hours ago, Shady said:

You write it like it's no big deal. You're a target. If that happens once, I'd pack up and move to a guard-gated subdivision, it's why they exist here as part of the culture.

I live in such a sub-division - petty theft and worse still happens. Thieves live amongst us.

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