Buying a house/condo for your Filipina's family

[Gandang Smile]

Just last night I caught up with a friend who is married to a Filipina. They used to rent a condo in the Alabang area. Then she started to convince him to buy a lot and build a "love nest" (a house) for the two of them and their future kids. After almost a year of work the 4BR home is ready, on a pretty nice scenic spot overlooking the Laguna. He spent 3M for the plot and more than 10M for the house. Two large gardens, swimming pool, small plunge pool with Laguna view just outside the master bedroom...quite the lap of luxury.

They were making plans to finally settle there and enjoy their "love nest", when the girl starts whining that living in the Philippines "isn't safe" and she would like to go living in Germany, where her husband is from. After a couple of months of negotiation they agree to move back to Germany. He runs a publishing company (started by his father), so he has a guaranteed job anyway. They spend a few weeks looking for a potential buyer for the house. Nobody comes forward.

That's when she suggests him to let her family look for a suitable buyer, so they can finish their preparations and move back to Germany. They finally move and months, indeed almost a year, pass. He starts enquiring as to whether her family has found a buyer and is met with radio silence. More months go by and he randomly meets a neighbour on chat. Said neighbour gives him the (not so) surprising news: her wife's entire family had moved into his house en-masse. Wife's parents, 2 siblings, 2 grandparents, cousin with husband and a small child. 9 people living in the house for free for more than a year. When asked, wife pretends she knows nothing, then bursts into tears and tells him that it was never her intention to live in Alabang. Her family forced her to convince him to build a house for them.

I think that, by now, my friend has given up the idea of making any profits from his 13M property. He is too good-hearted to kick wife's family out, and, as he said, too accustomed to life in Germany to be back to the Philippines for good.

I told him, as politely as I could, that if I was him I would have lost all respect towards J, his wife, and would have considered divorcing her and sending her back home. He actually told me he contemplated it but - hey presto! - now she's pregnant with their first child and he doesn't have the heart to "ruin her life".

Now, this is not the first story I hear, along these lines. I know at least 4 foreigners who bought or built a home that was supposed to be for them and their partners, only to find out their partner's family had moved in, perhaps with an excuse, and basically living a better life 100% rent free.

It's very Filipino to put family first, to help family members in need, yet I fail to understand why these massive acts of life-changing generosity have to be extorted, rather than given willingly and with pleasure.

Have you guys heard of similar experiences?    

Edited June 25, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[graham59]

...And this is one of the reasons why I have built an ugly, cheap, practically unsaleable shack...albeit, a high-tech and comfy one. 

[Mike J]

Damn, that is a sad story.  My wife wanted to buy and/or build a house for her parents that would become the "ancestral home".  I agreed to do that but only if both the land and the house were in my wife's name.  At first she was upset and wanted it to "belong" to the parents.  I seldom put my foot down but this was "your own it and they can live there or no house".  We bought 1247 square meters and built them a nice two bedroom house.  After living here several years now and dealing with her family she understands the wisdom of having it in her name.  It is actually conjugal property, but we will not have to fight with siblings when the parents pass.

[hk blues]

The human part of me feels a lot of sympathy for the guy, whilst another part of me is thinking of the old adage "A fool and his money are soon parted."

[Mike J]

58 minutes ago, hk blues said:

The human part of me feels a lot of sympathy for the guy, whilst another part of me is thinking of the old adage "A fool and his money are soon parted."

It doesn't really sound like he was a fool, but his wife certainly screwed him over.   I kind of agree with the person who told him to kick her to the curb.

[Snowy79]

I've given up advising people now and just keep telling myself it's not my money. I've know too many get screwed over and regardless how much to try to advise them they always know better.  Even when you give examples of how they have already been played by their partner they just tell you they are in love. 

[stevewool]

It’s good that the person can walk away from spending so much money on a property and still live comfortably, not to sure about being fooled , maybe he just wanted to impress the neighbours and the family .

[hk blues]

14 minutes ago, stevewool said:

... not to sure about being fooled , maybe he just wanted to impress the neighbours and the family .

I'm probably being harsh Steve, but spending 13m php to impress neighbours and family is a bit foolish IMO.

[hk blues]

31 minutes ago, Mike J said:

It doesn't really sound like he was a fool, but his wife certainly screwed him over.   I kind of agree with the person who told him to kick her to the curb.

There are always 3 sides to every story, but I'd agree that I doubt I'd be able to continue the relationship after such a betrayal.  Of course, the pregnancy may just be a happy coincidence for the wife/couple, or part of a more devious "plot" to keep him sweet.  

It just stinks to me.

[OnMyWay]

2 hours ago, stevewool said:

It’s good that the person can walk away from spending so much money on a property and still live comfortably, not to sure about being fooled , maybe he just wanted to impress the neighbours and the family .

 

1 hour ago, hk blues said:

I'm probably being harsh Steve, but spending 13m php to impress neighbours and family is a bit foolish IMO.

Could be a bit of both.  224 k Euro might not be a lot of money to him, as the owner of a business in Germany.  He sounds casual about it, but of course it would sting anybody to get lied to and scammed.  I know a few rich expats who could shrug that off.  No worries.

I'm curious as to where that house was, as 13 mil won't by a shack in Alabang.

Edited June 25, 2021 by OnMyWay