Up shit creek

[RBM]

13 hours ago, stevewool said:

Thanks everyone for your comments and support, like I said we are fine , and I know Ems does suffer for her love for her family, I just don’t seem to see it coming back to her from them , being so many miles away from them plus me being in charge of the purse strings does help me I’m sure 

Steve I have not read all these threads how ever appears a common issue. No simple answer, what does work in many situations is......an allowance for the wife...partner and made clear thats its, its yours to do what ever you like with, no questions asked.

The last 5 plus year this is my system and has worked without a single issue, of course unknown to her if a medical situation occurred and....I was in a position  to help, well........   

My partner is aware of my lack of interest to visit her family (3 hours drive from home) and respects this, fortunately they are about middle class and appear to do OK.

Think its called KEEP ONES DISTANCE 

[softail]

If it is indeed about money, here is what I have done. I lent a family member some money, knowing that they have no intention to repay me. When the next family member approached me about money I simply tell them that soso owes me money and I will ask the first guy instead of repaying me just give the money to the second guy. Worked so far

[hk blues]

7 hours ago, RBM said:

of course unknown to her if a medical situation occurred and....I was in a position  to help, well........   

My motto has always been "Never a borrower or a lender be" and since long before I came here.  That said, the exact scenario above occurred a couple of months ago and I did help but, to be fair, I was not asked to as they know my stance but I decided to the "right thing" in this exceptional case. 

[stevewool]

7 hours ago, RBM said:

Steve I have not read all these threads how ever appears a common issue. No simple answer, what does work in many situations is......an allowance for the wife...partner and made clear thats its, its yours to do what ever you like with, no questions asked.

The last 5 plus year this is my system and has worked without a single issue, of course unknown to her if a medical situation occurred and....I was in a position  to help, well........   

My partner is aware of my lack of interest to visit her family (3 hours drive from home) and respects this, fortunately they are about middle class and appear to do OK.

Think its called KEEP ONES DISTANCE 

We have sorted out the money or allowance thing a few years back, but  once  the family found out Emma was working and earning then the emails , phone calls came mainly from her sisters , saying the kids are poorly , no school fees and so on , in the end I could see the stress it was causing Emma , so we both decided that Emma’s bank account was closed and we opened a joint account , she told her family that from no they would have to ask both of us , but it turned out they was either embarrassed or there English was not very good to ask for money .

Yes I know Emma would send cash to her father and maybe to the family too, but it’s when they demand silly amounts I have to ask what is it for and if they can’t tell me well then they don’t get any .

[Dave Hounddriver]

7 hours ago, stevewool said:

Yes I know Emma would send cash to her father and maybe to the family too, but it’s when they demand silly amounts I have to ask what is it for and if they can’t tell me well then they don’t get any .

It was pointed out to me, by my mother, that we men usually die before our wives and leave them with no financial guidance.  If we do not teach them how to deal with these financial matters before we pass, we leave them in a world of crap.  So if Emma was stressed out while you are there for guidance, imagine what the future holds if you do not let her learn the hard way.

[RBM]

8 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

It was pointed out to me, by my mother, that we men usually die before our wives and leave them with no financial guidance.  If we do not teach them how to deal with these financial matters before we pass, we leave them in a world of crap.  

Would love to know the advice from your mother on teaching Filipinos from the so called deprived economic areas on how deal with financial matters.

[Dave Hounddriver]

2 hours ago, RBM said:

Would love to know the advice from your mother on teaching Filipinos from the so called deprived economic areas on how deal with financial matters.

Yeah, if you knew her you'd understand.  But basically, its like if you take a gal from the mountains and move her to the first world and send her off to work then you should let her spend the money she earns how she wants to spend it.  Stuff like that.