Question about Filipina mother.

[Ariella]

Hello everyone. I have a question about my Filipino boyfriend (Louisse) and his ex. It's a long story I hope that you can help him and that you understand my english.

 

I live in France. I met him 2 years ago on the internet and we are in a long distance relationship. He lives in Saudi and worked there for 5 years now. He went there because he wanted to give a better life to his 2 daughters and his ex. But they broke up 3 years ago because she cheated on him.

His ex was a stay at home mother. So she didn't have money. Louisse asked his parents to take care of his daughters and he gave money to his ex and helped her get a job. She said she will give the money back.

 

Here is the problem. She got a job. Louisse gave 13k every month to his parents for his daughters, sometimes more. Sometimes he didn't even have enough money to feed himself, he gave everything to his children and I had to help him. And the mother worked during 2 years but she didn't give anything. She didn't even give the money back for her job. And she didn't visit them often. 

The children told their father when they lived with their mother she was always drunk and gave them only eggs. When Louisse asked them if they wanted to live with her again, they cried and said no.

 

Then she met another man. She lived with him but they broke up and she stopped working.

She had no money and decided to live with Louisse's parents without asking them. She just said she wanted to visit her children but she went there with all her stuff and she stayed there for 1 or 2 months. She lived in their house and asked Louisse to give her money for the children (he gave money to his family already so she didn't need it, he said no). Then she told him she takes care of his children and she wants him to give her money for doing it, same as a babysitter 😅 he said no again of course. So she told the kids that their father doesn't like them. 

 

Louisse asked his sister to take the kids with her because he didn't want them to stay with their mother. She did it. The kids lived with his sister. But their mother got a new job and she went back to her ex. 

 

He thought this time she was mature enough so he asked her if she wanted to live with the children. She said yes (she works but her mother-in-law takes care of them when she is absent so it's not a problem). He thought she was going to share the expenses with him but she didn't share anything. She asked him to pay for everything. She even asked him to pay for internet because she doesn't want to give them her data. Even for 50 pesos she will ask him to pay. But there is another problem. She didn't tell him she was pregnant. So now she gave birth but she stopped working and she doesn't want to work anymore.

 

I talked to her. I asked her why she doesn't want to pay. She laughed at me, told me I was a retard and ignored me. She just said her duty is to stay at home and Louisse's duty is to work and give her money. So I searched on the internet and I found that in the Philippines when parents are separated they both have to support their children financially. But she keeps laughing and she talked about me to the children. She asked them to hate me. And yesterday she sent a picture of jewelry from Lazada to Louisse. Without hello. Without please can you buy. Nothing. She just wants him to buy. But Louisse's duty is not to pay gifts for the children from their mother 😅. 

 

So i would like to know if it's normal and what should he do ? Can Louisse's parents have custody of the children ? Thanks for reading 😊.

[Dave Hounddriver]

27 minutes ago, Ariella said:

So i would like to know if it's normal and what should he do ? Can Louisse's parents have custody of the children ?

Its normal behavior.

The Filipina mother will maintain custody of her minor children almost without exception, unless she chooses to give them up.  The father of the child will be expected to pay child support, possibly even getting it deducted from his foreign paycheck if he got the job as an OFW.  In addition, the Philippine constitution and family code requires him to be responsible for his elderly parents. (4 of the 1987 Constitution states that, “The family has the duty to care for its elderly members but the State may also do so through just programs of social security.” Article 195 of the Family Code also mandates support for parents, including sustenance, dwelling, clothing and medical attendance).

Additionally, it is likely he does not have an "ex" as the Philippines does not recognize divorce obtained anywhere in the world involving 2 Philippine citizens.  Bottom line is:  He knows the rules of his country and he either abandons his responsibilities by becoming a citizen of another country and not returning to the Philippines or he does the right thing and supports his family.

[Old55]

I'm sorry to say this but it's very likely that he is married to the ex and there is no divorce in Philippines. 

 

[Ariella]

Thank you for your replies. They are not married, they were only in a relationship. They had their first child when they were 17 years old... And he always pays child support. He didn't abandon his children. He works in Saudi for them and can't go back to the Philippines because his contract will only end in 1 year. He really loves his children and will never forget to give them what they need. But he is disappointed because of their mother and regrets his choice to ask her to live with them.

So in the Philippines it's normal if the mother wants to spend nothing for her children, she will always be right ?

[Old55]

No, sorry to say it's not normal she would neglect her children. Most Filipinas are very devoted to their children putting them first in every way. That woman is an aberration to the norm but not unheard of. It could be she's become involved with Shabu (Meth). Shabu is cheap and common in Philippines. 

 

By the way welcome to the forum Ariella.  Wish it were under happier circumstances  

[Kingpin]

1 hour ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

 The father of the child will be expected to pay child support, possibly even getting it deducted from his foreign paycheck if he got the job as an OFW.

Have you ever heard of a single instance of paycheck deduction for Filipinos?

Also about that expectation...

2 hours ago, Ariella said:

 I found that in the Philippines when parents are separated they both have to support their children financially.

In the Philippines separated parents generally aren't legally forced to support their children, partly because it can take years to get a hearing before a judge, and partly because regardless of whatever the judge rules, not following that ruling won't result in any punishment. Morally speaking, he should at least be sending food to his children as long as they need it.

 

[baronapart]

Hello and welcome. Have you met this man in person or only on the internet?

[Dave Hounddriver]

10 hours ago, Kingpin said:

Have you ever heard of a single instance of paycheck deduction for Filipinos?

Yes, but only when listening to Raffy Tulfo when wifey has him on too loud.

[Freebie]

FIlipinas and Filipinos will not give up a good thing when they realise they hold a lottery ticket. And in this case its a guy sending money "supposedly" for his kids but as he cant control how the money is spent, who knows what the mother is doing with it. Sad but very very normal especially is one of the partners is an OFW.

See the guys hanging around the sari sari stall all day with litro bottles of Red horse and always at the cock pit.  Money from an OFW family member.

Sadly in this case there is no "out" The guy can stop sending money and the ex will guilt trip him, showing pics of kids plates with no food on them.

Sadly this is a daily occurrence. Invariably its a foreigner whose kids are with the ex whos being used for financial support ( as in Philippines DWSD wiil ALWAYS  side with the mother unless abuse and violence can be shown ). Thats their default position.

In this case, the Filipino is going to have to be very smart. Theres no chance of a salary deduction for him.. that never ever happens. . He has to build a case against the ex and then figure out if he wants to go back to Philippines and be a full time parent. But it will take some doing. Sad case but very common in these parts. Listen to all the Tulfo shows and you will learn this is regular .

[Snowy79]

Welcome to the forum Ariella. 

I hate to be the barer of bad news but it looks like you are caught in a downward spiral that isn't going to get better anytime soon.

I tend to be an outside observer on things and don't believe the World is always viewed through rose coloured glasses. From my experience here the close knit family unit here is an ideal scenario that rarely relates to real life.  Children are used like crops here, planted now and fed on in the future.  I've lost count of the girls I know that have dropped their kids off with a relative and went away to work with the excuse it's for the kids and they rarely check up on how the kids are doing, if they do check up they are told the kids are doing great but reality may be different. 

Some kids are almost feral as the family member looking after them takes the money for themselves first and the kid gets what is left over.  If the Mother is getting financial aid from the Father it's a bonus for her and again the majority is spent on her and what's left over goes to the kid. The Mother sees this as a business so has more kids by different guys and the spiral continues, as the kids grow up if they are female many are pushed towards finding a foreign partner to again bleed for money, others end up working in bars.

I've had many a discussion with girls why they end up in bars and in almost every case it's the family that's pushed them as a way to make easy money, others who aren't working the bars but I know personally have admitted they want a foreign boyfriend but not partner. They can provide financial help but not the love they are looking for. 

Long term I envisage your boyfriend having to continually work overseas to support his children who will only get older and cost more to support, which means either you help out financially or resign yourself to only seeing him a week or two per year.  You'll never change his expartner's lifestyle as she has dug a huge hole for herself.  Good luck but being an old git and having seen the outcomes a few times I'd be heading for the hills on this one and looking for a better life with my own partner and my own kids. 

Edited November 4, 2022 by Snowy79