Girlfriends family

[conwat]

Hope all are well and seasons greetings. Currently on holiday in Vietnam with my filipina. She was video calling her mum earlier and her mum says "what's his Christmas gift to me?" I've treated the family to a day out quite a number of times and helped them out with funerals roof repairs etc..but I've made it clear to my girl I'm only supporting her..not her mum dad and siblings! I'm not going to be the family ATM..do they ever stop asking for money?!

[Old55]

Did you overhear the mom asking about a gift? Or did your girlfriend say her mother asked what gift?

Although you say you've made clear not providing money to her family in fact you have been doing so. Once started some families will never stop asking for more. 

 

Edited December 20, 2022 by Old55

[hk blues]

1 hour ago, conwat said:

...do they ever stop asking for money?!

They do, but only when you stop giving it.  

[conwat]

55 minutes ago, Old55 said:

Did you overhear the mom asking about a gift? Or did your girlfriend say her mother asked what gift?

Although you say you've made clear not providing money to her family in fact you have been doing so. Once started some families will never stop asking for more. 

 

No the gf told me. I treated the family to a day out back in November 19 and again last September.  I made it clear that this would be the last  time.  I've sent  her money for funeral expenses and roof repairs after the cyclone last year. I send her a bit of money each week from my home country  but have made it clear that I'm only supporting her not her entire family. She seems to get it. Her family  doesn't.

[hk blues]

4 minutes ago, conwat said:

 She seems to get it. Her family  doesn't.

I've no idea, but it's often the case that the GF isn't entirely upfront about this i.e. she says she gets it but either doesn't really or isn't willing to take on the family or alternatively is playing both good cop and bad cop roles.

The red flag in your post is that she told you what the mother said - this is a big hint from her that you should give something otherwise why mention it?

 

[Old55]

31 minutes ago, conwat said:

No the gf told me. I treated the family to a day out back in November 19 and again last September.  I made it clear that this would be the last  time.  I've sent  her money for funeral expenses and roof repairs after the cyclone last year. I send her a bit of money each week from my home country  but have made it clear that I'm only supporting her not her entire family. She seems to get it. Her family  doesn't.

Thanks for the explanation. I agree with HK that your GF may hope you'll provide more to her family. Thats why I asked. 

It's my opinion you did the right thing with the roof and funeral expenses. We helped some with our families roof too. 

Edited December 20, 2022 by Old55

[conwat]

21 minutes ago, hk blues said:

I've no idea, but it's often the case that the GF isn't entirely upfront about this i.e. she says she gets it but either doesn't really or isn't willing to take on the family or alternatively is playing both good cop and bad cop roles.

The red flag in your post is that she told you what the mother said - this is a big hint from her that you should give something otherwise why mention it?

 

Basically what happened was we were in bed this morning. I was out for the count but woke briefly and she got me to say hi to her mother on the phone.  I said a quick hello and fell asleep again and forgot about it. At lunch I remembered and said oh yeah what was your mom saying and she says "How's your vacation in Vietnam  and what Christmas gift was I getting for her?"

 

[conwat]

21 minutes ago, Old55 said:

Thanks for the explanation. I agree with HK that your GF may be hopping you'll provide more to her family. Thats why I asked. 

It's my opinion you did the right thing with the roof and funeral expenses. We helped some with our families roof too. 

Yeah the family have suffered a fair bit and I did help out big time in those situations but I'm not going to be the family ATM.  Just wish they'd  get that!

[hk blues]

17 minutes ago, conwat said:

Basically what happened was we were in bed this morning. I was out for the count but woke briefly and she got me to say hi to her mother on the phone.  I said a quick hello and fell asleep again and forgot about it. At lunch I remembered and said oh yeah what was your mom saying and she says "How's your vacation in Vietnam  and what Christmas gift was I getting for her?"

 

It depends on the tone etc she used.  If it was lighthearted and kinda throwaway then I'd file it under ignore and innocent.  If there was any degree of sincerity then maybe a little more to it.

No big deal in itself but if it's part of a pattern then you might need to get used to it and deal with it accordingly.  The difficult discussion now will avoid an even more difficult one in the future.

[conwat]

10 minutes ago, hk blues said:

It depends on the tone etc she used.  If it was lighthearted and kinda throwaway then I'd file it under ignore and innocent.  If there was any degree of sincerity then maybe a little more to it.

No big deal in itself but if it's part of a pattern then you might need to get used to it and deal with it accordingly.  The difficult discussion now will avoid an even more difficult one in the future.

It was more throwaway tbh.  But yeah  see your point completely.  Definitely can't afford to take care of an entire Filipino family so the boot has to stay down.

 

12 minutes ago, hk blues said:

It depends on the tone etc she used.  If it was lighthearted and kinda throwaway then I'd file it under ignore and innocent.  If there was any degree of sincerity then maybe a little more to it.

No big deal in itself but if it's part of a pattern then you might need to get used to it and deal with it accordingly.  The difficult discussion now will avoid an even more difficult one in the future.

It was more throwaway tbh but yeah I see your point.  Definitely can't afford to support an entire Filipino family so the boot has to stay down.