Girlfriends family

[hk blues]

14 minutes ago, conwat said:

It was more throwaway tbh.  But yeah  see your point completely.  Definitely can't afford to take care of an entire Filipino family so the boot has to stay down.

 

It was more throwaway tbh but yeah I see your point.  Definitely can't afford to support an entire Filipino family so the boot has to stay down.

I would just add that there is nothing wrong with giving the family a (small) gift for Christmas as it's kinda normal but within reason.  

[BrettGC]

I have two questions in relation to the situation: 

1.  Did your GF work before she was with you? and,

2. Was she supporting her family while she was working?

[conwat]

17 minutes ago, BrettGC said:

I have two questions in relation to the situation: 

1.  Did your GF work before she was with you? and,

2. Was she supporting her family while she was working?

Yes she did. Not well paid obviously.  She wanted to quit to travel with me. What I pay her weekly is far more than what she was getting in wages. She went working in Qatar last year but the family she was working for started beating and starving her and took her phone. I paid a considerable sum to fly her home. I think with the family they all work to support each other. I have no problem helping out with things. Just find it a bit rude to be asked for gifts for Christmas and birthdays. 

[conwat]

24 minutes ago, hk blues said:

I would just add that there is nothing wrong with giving the family a (small) gift for Christmas as it's kinda normal but within reason.  

Yeah I agree. Just find it rude being asked for Christmas and birthday  gifts. 

[GeoffH]

34 minutes ago, conwat said:

Yeah I agree. Just find it rude being asked for Christmas and birthday  gifts. 

I found that gradually went away but it did take a number of years.

[Tommy T.]

3 hours ago, conwat said:

do they ever stop asking for money?!

Maybe.... maybe not. Depends on your relationship, your girl friend and, of course, her family. Fakarao...! (That's Fijian for "prepare yourself!")

 

[Tommy T.]

1 hour ago, conwat said:

Just find it rude being asked for Christmas and birthday  gifts. 

I recently had a discussion with L about this because a close associate - not a relative - asked her for a birthday gift. So L gave her P500. Not a lot, but it just goes against my grain and background. I never would think about asking for a gift at any time from anyone... But, according to L, this is a fairly common Filipino custom... Sometimes they even specify the amount they want - P500, 1,000, etc. I don't agree with it, but it is their custom, so I go along with it.... However, I don't give it... It's up to L to do that and she is fine with this arrangement.

I am always learning how our "western" culture is so very different from this Filipino culture...

[conwat]

15 minutes ago, Tommy T. said:

I recently had a discussion with L about this because a close associate - not a relative - asked her for a birthday gift. So L gave her P500. Not a lot, but it just goes against my grain and background. I never would think about asking for a gift at any time from anyone... But, according to L, this is a fairly common Filipino custom... Sometimes they even specify the amount they want - P500, 1,000, etc. I don't agree with it, but it is their custom, so I go along with it.... However, I don't give it... It's up to L to do that and she is fine with this arrangement.

I am always learning how our "western" culture is so very different from this Filipino culture...

Summed it up very well there mate. 

[BrettGC]

1 hour ago, Tommy T. said:

I recently had a discussion with L about this because a close associate - not a relative - asked her for a birthday gift. So L gave her P500. Not a lot, but it just goes against my grain and background. I never would think about asking for a gift at any time from anyone... But, according to L, this is a fairly common Filipino custom... Sometimes they even specify the amount they want - P500, 1,000, etc. I don't agree with it, but it is their custom, so I go along with it.... However, I don't give it... It's up to L to do that and she is fine with this arrangement.

I am always learning how our "western" culture is so very different from this Filipino culture...

I have a similar "system" in place.  I let MfFaW (Minister for Finance and War - my wife) make those decisions and she's best suited to be able to make them with her growing up in the culture.  I give her an old school "housekeeping" amount on pay day, and as long as we have what we need week to week, I'm happy.  It should also be known that my lovely wife is no pushover by any stretch of the imagination, so keeps it in perspective. Yes, on occasion she does make a decision I don't agree with, but I'm in a marriage, not a dictatorship.  

Edit:  I think it should be remembered that the reason many of us are with Filipinas is that they have such strong family values which aren't so common in the West anymore and a part of that can be, and often is, supporting the family to varying extents.  

Second Edit:  I may be lucky in that as far as I can see, I'm not considered a mobile ATM by most of the family.  As for the "asking" for gifts, yep, agree, that is actually pretty rude from my perspective. 

Edited December 20, 2022 by BrettGC

[hk blues]

2 hours ago, conwat said:

Yeah I agree. Just find it rude being asked for Christmas and birthday  gifts. 

It is - at least that's what my wife's family said when I asked them for one!