Girlfriends family

[Jollygoodfellow]

17 hours ago, conwat said:

Just find it a bit rude to be asked for gifts for Christmas and birthdays. 

They dont think its rude. 

The mother did not ask for money so have a box of chocolate or something delivered. 

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

. I just say Im giving you same as last year, nothing.

 

 my reply to this is I will give you the same as you gave to me last year  but sir, I gave you nothing last year, say no more 

[stevewool]

We use to buy gifts for the family over there, well I say we but it was all down to the wife until it started getting silly request, then it was stopped by tightarse me , it’s funny in all the time there was presents being given not once did we receive anything in return .

A funny story , one year the wife had her new iPhone 6 and myself used that box and put a new cheap Alcatel phone inside we wrapped it up and gave it to a family member who was around 14 years of age , well his face lit up until he opened the box , then he shouted a few words then a few tears and then he threw it across the room and stormed out , his grandad picked up the phone and said wow a new phone can I have it , 

[conwat]

2 hours ago, stevewool said:

We use to buy gifts for the family over there, well I say we but it was all down to the wife until it started getting silly request, then it was stopped by tightarse me , it’s funny in all the time there was presents being given not once did we receive anything in return .

A funny story , one year the wife had her new iPhone 6 and myself used that box and put a new cheap Alcatel phone inside we wrapped it up and gave it to a family member who was around 14 years of age , well his face lit up until he opened the box , then he shouted a few words then a few tears and then he threw it across the room and stormed out , his grandad picked up the phone and said wow a new phone can I have it , 

Yeah that sounds familiar re nothing in return! Not that I want a bean from them! I understand they're poor and I've paid considerable sums of money for her brothers funeral, roof repairs after the cyclone last year and getting  her home from Qatar after everything went pear shaped there. I've treated the family to days out and I send my lady more than a weeks wages. Just questioning if it is worth it if the family keep asking . Wears me down a bit to say the least 😅🤣

[stevewool]

47 minutes ago, conwat said:

. I've treated the family to days out and I send my lady more than a weeks wages. Just questioning if it is worth it if the family keep asking . Wears me down a bit to say the least 😅🤣

Well only you can make that decision, but if she’s worth it , make some rules up the both of you and stick to them remember if it’s getting you down think how it could be effecting your lady .

It seems like you have helped and contributed to the family financial before , now it seems you have to tell them no more help from yourself , but explain everything to your lady before jumping in feet first 

[Kingpin]

On 12/20/2022 at 2:12 PM, conwat said:

do they ever stop asking for money?!

They do not.

Here's a novel way to think about it, since so many expats end up in the same situation.

Calculate the total weight of her family (if she has no family, the number would be zero).

Add that number to her own weight.

If that new number is no longer attractive to you, run.

[Possum]

The funny thing to me is so many people who come to the Philippines buy into the "you must give" culture. Many expats come here are naive and have no clue about the culture. Fact one: There is no "culture" as for as giving gifts except for holidays.  If any Filipino works as an OFW when they come back they try to bring a souvenir from the country they were working in, I have a few refrigerator magnets from those nice people. I also bring things to give to family My wife made it very clear to her family many years ago that she was not an ATM , end of story. If we can help we do but we discuss and at the end of the discussion she is less generous than me. She is a realist, she told me years ago Filipinos will pay for a plane ticket to anywhere for their daughter or son so they can send money back to the family. They don't care what they do, just send money. My wife questions people like this and asks why send your child why not you ?

Edited December 21, 2022 by Greglm
error

[Mike J]

22 hours ago, stevewool said:

A funny story , one year the wife had her new iPhone 6 and myself used that box and put a new cheap Alcatel phone inside we wrapped it up and gave it to a family member who was around 14 years of age , well his face lit up until he opened the box , then he shouted a few words then a few tears and then he threw it across the room and stormed out , his grandad picked up the phone and said wow a new phone can I have it , 

As I read this I once am thankful to be living in the province.  The wife has been busy the past few days packing up bags full of slippers, canned goods, rice, pasta, fresh apples and oranges, snack packs, milo, soap, toothpaste, shampoo sachets, etc.   Today through Sunday these holiday gifts will be delivered to the youth, families, and churches our ministry partner with.  We have never witnessed a disappointed face, each year it is a time of happiness and joy.  The kids are not expecting new phones and are excited to have a real apple all to themselves and a pair of slippers so they do not have to walk to school barefoot.  Their gift to us is to see them gorge on rice and spaghetti, happily singing Christmas carols, playing games, and showing off their new slippers to each other.  A few years back the family was criticizing my wife, "why do give so much to others at Christmas and not more for us"?  Lani told them; "We give to you what we can, what we give to others does not belong to us.   This money, these gifts, came from people who support our ministry and it now belongs to God not to us.  It is to be used to help provide for those most in need, not for us, not for family."   

Edited December 22, 2022 by Mike J
Added pictures

[Gator]

9 minutes ago, Mike J said:

As I read this I once am thankful to be living in the provence.  The wife has been busy the past few days packing up bags full of slippers, canned goods, rice, pasta, fresh apples and oranges, snack packs, milo, soap, toothpaste, shampoo sachets, etc.   Today through Sunday these holiday gifts will be delivered to the youth, families, and churches our ministry partner with.  We have never witnessed a disappointed face, each year it is a time of happiness and joy.  The kids are not expecting new phones and are excited to have a real apple all to themselves and a pair of slippers so they do not have to walk to school barefoot.  Their gift to us is to see them gorge on rice and spaghetti, happily singing Christmas carols, playing games, and showing off their new slippers to each other.  A few years back the family was criticizing my wife, "why do give so much to others at Christmas and not more for us"?  Lani told them; "We give to you what we can, what we give to others does not belong to us.   This money, these gifts, came from people who support our ministry and it now belongs to God not to us.  It is to be used to help provide for those most in need, not for us, not for family."   

Well said Mike. IMHO it truly embraces the Christmas spirit. 

[BrettGC]

49 minutes ago, Mike J said:

As I read this I once am thankful to be living in the provence.  The wife has been busy the past few days packing up bags full of slippers, canned goods, rice, pasta, fresh apples and oranges, snack packs, milo, soap, toothpaste, shampoo sachets, etc.   Today through Sunday these holiday gifts will be delivered to the youth, families, and churches our ministry partner with.  We have never witnessed a disappointed face, each year it is a time of happiness and joy.  The kids are not expecting new phones and are excited to have a real apple all to themselves and a pair of slippers so they do not have to walk to school barefoot.  Their gift to us is to see them gorge on rice and spaghetti, happily singing Christmas carols, playing games, and showing off their new slippers to each other.  A few years back the family was criticizing my wife, "why do give so much to others at Christmas and not more for us"?  Lani told them; "We give to you what we can, what we give to others does not belong to us.   This money, these gifts, came from people who support our ministry and it now belongs to God not to us.  It is to be used to help provide for those most in need, not for us, not for family."   

Yep, same.

It's appreciated every year, never a negative word.