Losing Face

[BobNChe]

Even as I know in Korea and Taiwan, saving face usually means one side has to take the hit. It means I will volunteer the hit so you can look good, but in order for you to justify it, you have to believe its true, and treat me exactly as if I'm wrong, rather than subtely showing your gratitude for the gracious action. So, one person, probably the elder or richer, saves face, while the poorer or younger gives face..... HIS OWN FACE.

Chinese and Filipino culture both share this but in slightly different ways. It is very interesting.

Very different! Face is an idiom for one's honor or prestige, not false pride! It's like may things that are replicated here, loosely done and twisted to fit their own designs. I honestly wish this country would nuture and grow some real pride and honor. Most everything here is a facade. In order to gain these things, they are first going to have to be honest with themselves. Don't hold your breath, but I still hope.

[ekimswish]

I read a book about the Japanese Yakuza once (mafia) and when talking about the practice of cutting off one's pinky finger as a form of apology (for failure or offense), it mentions that the act used to be very rare, and only done in the most serious of cases. Now, however, it's increased to the point where it's almost lost the meaning and prestige that it once had, like become watered down. Maybe young yakuza think it makes them look tougher. I think this is related somewhat to the saving face discussion, because chopping off your pinky finger is mainly done to give someone else "face." If chopping off your finger can get out of hand and lose value because too many people are doing it too easily, then saving "face", has no chance of retaining its original intention. But to keep this related to Filipinos, I bet this "face" thing probably did exist long before the Spanish came, though it probably wasn't articulated as such, and if it wasn't already a homegrown way of life, then it would've come from China first. I'm tempted to say that the poverty in the Philippines corrupts the custom of saving face, because when you have no money, your face is everything. The problem with this, however, is that rich people seem the most obssessed with it. The other night, my rich Taiwanese friend asked me not to be offended, but, knowing I need the money, asked me to pass out company promo cards for him outside a famous nightclub, and he'd pay me $60 for 3 hours work. It's hilarious he thought I'd be offended to be offered a job, especially one paying $20/hour, but in Asia - not just the Philippines - a lot of people feel certain jobs are beneathe them, and unfortunately, it affects the poor, too. My wife left her ex because he wouldn't work, and just lived off money from his mother. He was a grown man with a college education, but refused to take a job (his first) at anything less than managerial position! Being a broke, drug addict, playing majong all day and asking money from his mom was more appealing! The examples of people choosing poverty over work seem to be endless, due to saving face; but on the opposite extreme, you have some of the Philippines' most talented, university educated people working through slave conditions in factories and on fishing ships all over the world, skipping meals, just to send their family a dollar. Some Pinoy shipmates I met in Taiwan near the port told me their Asian bosses would swear at them and even hit the workers from other countries, such as China or Indonesia, but would never cross the line of touching a Filipino, because they knew there'd be violence. A Filipna and my wife were bragging to each other in Taiwan about how you can never lay a hand on a Filipino or they're really going to fight back, even kill the person. They both traded stories about how tough they were, or stuff that almost happened during their time abroad. The next day, in an argument about wages, a Taiwanese agent apparently slapped that Filipina in the back of the head, and wound up dead with 30-some stab wounds. It was big news at the time. Police were looking to pin someone as an accomplice, but luckily never interviewed my wife - as they interviewed everyone who hung out at that hostel-bar - because we stopped going out after that night, unaware of what had happened, since my wife was 7 months pregnant. If only the world were black and white, but faces, it seems, have many colors ;)